


Little Light

by siyeonnugget



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band), LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, Complete, Fluff, Hedgehogs, Reader-Insert, character death but not major
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:22:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 55,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siyeonnugget/pseuds/siyeonnugget
Summary: Y/N had been one of the youngest idols of the time. She debuts under the stage name Mikyong who her members playfully call, Miki, in public. The trials she goes through as a child really puts the spotlight on her and forces her to grow up a lot faster than anyone wants to admit.Follow along through (your) her young life with one of the most unique girl groups there are.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! This fic is something I have worked on before and have finally refined it to the way I wanted it to be. As always, follow me on Twitter (siyeonnugget) !!

2014 January

It was a bit of a blur. You were young but you seemed to be excited? Worried? Scared most definitely. You held onto your mother’s hand as you walked through the airport. 

You had won a singing contest, allowing you to go to Korea and train at a company. You felt squirmy as she helped you organize your documents that hung from your little necklace. 

“I love you so much.” She whispered as she pulled you into a tight embrace. “Be good and learn everything.” She whispered. 

“I will.” You promised as you hugged her right back. 

When you broke apart from her, you were greeted by an airline employee who took you through the security lines and ultimately stayed with you the entire time. 

Your flight wasn’t terribly long, only four hours max. The flight attendants were extremely nice and one even sat down to hold your hand during turbulence, which scared you really to no end. 

“How old are you?” The attendant asked, trying to get your mind elsewhere. 

“Ten.” You answered in a small voice. 

“So brave.” She smiled. 

When you landed, the next airline employee was quick to find you and take you through the rest of the security lines. Once you were cleared, you were escorted to the baggage claim where you saw a man standing there, holding a sign with your name on it. 

“You are Y/N?” His entire expression has shifted when he saw you. You were literally a child. “How old are you?” He frowned. 

You didn’t understand the words he was saying. You had only started to learn Mandarin before you finished school for the year. You didn’t think to learn Korean. 

Another man had shown up next to him, giving off a calming presence. He gave you a warm smile, before looking at the bags. 

“Let’s get your bag.” The new man told you. Finally, a language you understood. 

Once your two bags were found, you headed out to the cars and were loaded into a black van. You buckled yourself and was in awe. You watched as the buildings passed by, everything looked different and somehow still the same. You saw street vendors, shops, everything was almost the same except you weren’t home. 

You arrived at the company, your documents were already signed and sent back from your mother with your signature on them. Everything was really finished. You were escorted to a dorm, looking around you really felt out of place. 

A single room with two beds and a connecting bathroom. There were two desks and barely anything to call home. 

“Thank you.” You whispered to the man. 

“Make yourself at home.” He said before handing you a key and walking off. 

You had a schedule. One translated to Cantonese for you. They tried to give you a Korean one, but immediately they saw that you didn’t understand. They enrolled you in school to start the following month and made sure to enroll you in Korean studies. 

The first day wasn’t entirely too bad. You sat in a vocal training room, learning how to read sheet music and really sing. 

When you had won your singing competition back home, you had no formal training. You just wanted to have fun. And fun you did as you giggled on stage and sang to your heart's content. That was what drew them in. That was how you won. Besides the fact that you were small and adorable. 

An older girl had walked in, catching your attention. She gave you a small smile before sparking a conversation with the teacher. You had no idea what was going on so you really needed to focus. 

After your vocal lessons were private dance classes. Mainly this way because of a language barrier. That and you were so young you couldn’t be paired with the older kids. 

You noticed an older girl sat in the lessons, watching you carefully as you tried to keep up. Your vocal instructor spoke mandarin, which helped you since you understood some of it. However, your dance instructor did not. He spoke only Korean, and it was slightly harder. So you followed his steps. Learning that way and matched his words best you could. 

When it came time for your birthday you were already in school. You had begun your Korean lessons in the company, learning extreme basics so you could at least start reading and writing. You just weren’t confident in speaking. 

Your teachers helped you, allowing you to take time to learn. You tried your best and felt comfortable at the pace you were going. You learned basic words and had begun to string tiny sentences out within the first few weeks. 

“You are doing good!” Your teacher spoke slowly, allowing you to understand much better. 

“Thank you.” You answered her back, watching her face light up entirely. 

It almost felt like you could succeed with just this. 

Until you had gotten lost in the company after a long day of school. You never strayed too far from your schedule, always taking the same exact path through to the dance hall. But for some reason, the original hall was closed for maintenance and you couldn’t find the replacement room. 

You were frustrated, near tears at this point. You hated having this much trouble within the first month and a half of your training days. You hated it. You hated having a language barrier and hated how you were treated. You had to go everywhere with an escort. But not this time. No. No one was there to meet you. 

“Do you need help?” You looked over, seeing a taller girl looking at you. 

“I… Lost?” You frowned, you tried to remember your Korean lessons, but you could only remember your own language. The girl gave you a weird look, waiting for you to speak in a language she understood. You let out a sigh, before looking away from her. You couldn’t even pull out your paper schedule since it was in Cantonese. 

You ended up wandering around until you saw someone you had recognized. The same girl who had been sitting in your private dance lessons. She looked frantic, almost as if she was looking for someone. Until she looked at you. 

“There you are!” She let out a breath before she ran to you. She had grabbed your hand and pulled you along to the right room. “I found her!” The girl shouted when you were brought back to the new room. Your instructor looked frantic as well, letting out a sigh of relief. 

“Okay. You really do need someone with you.” He muttered. 

It just felt like everything was going to be rushed today. You tried your best to keep up and felt like your legs were going to give out after what seemed like hours upon hours of dancing. In reality, it was only two hours. 

You sat on the floor, your water bottle sitting next to you already almost half gone as you rested. Your instructor was going through his phone, not entirely paying attention to you as you relaxed. You wished you were in a class by now, but you were too young. All of the other trainees were older, much older than you. So you had to wait. Wait until you were older.


	2. Two

2014 April

Making friends was harder than you could have ever imagined. Back home, you had a few friends, happy with your little friend group as you went to school together. But in Korea, it was very different. Everyone was already established in their groups, already having a great time with their own friends. You were a few months into this whole school thing and trainee program, and still not one friend. 

“Hi!” You looked up from your little desk, seeing a small girl standing in front of you. “You’re the new girl right?” You stayed quiet, afraid of this girl. She seemed nice, but at the same time, you could never tell. “I’m Yeojin.” She introduced herself. 

“Y/N.” You answered quietly. 

“Are you from here?” She asked, deciding to take a seat at the desk in front of yours. 

“No.” You whispered. Yeojin looked down at your notes, seeing many of them in another language. 

“Where are you from?” She asked. 

“Hong Kong.” You answered. 

“Wow! That’s so cool!” She gasped. She continued to talk to you, speaking rapidly and animatedly as you sat there. You didn’t understand more than half of the words that left her mouth, but you were just happy someone was talking to you. 

Since you didn’t have friends, no one knew you were a trainee. They all just assumed you had moved there with your parents and just lived in Korea now. It happened most of the time anyway. 

Yeojin was your real first friend and was quick to learn how you were. She understood you were shy and quiet. She also had to learn that you really didn’t understand what she was saying at all more than half of the time. You would let out a small laugh when she would realize she had started speaking faster and using words you hadn’t learned yet. She would sit with you while you waited for your manager to pick you up from school, going through your flashcards as you both waited. 

On your free days, you would run with her to a nearby arcade, both of you playing games until you grew hungry. You never had pocket money. And you weren’t allowed to snack on food since you were on a strict diet. That was when you both would say goodbye to each other, and you made your way back to the company so you could get dinner in your system and work on your homework. 

“Are you really a trainee?” Yeojin gasped. 

“Yeah!” You giggled. 

“I was thinking about auditioning this summer.” She muttered. “But I-I don’t know.” She sighed. 

“You should!” You gasped. “We could be idol friends!” You suggested. She let out a loud laugh, shaking her head slightly. 

“If I became one.” She pointed. 

You two had become fast friends by the end of your semester, both of you exchanging phone numbers and texting long into the night as you tried to get rest before you had to wake up early and begin your comfortable routine. 

Your summer schedule always consisted of waking up early, eating a small breakfast, then practice all day. Half of your day was reserved for vocal training while the other half was reserved for dancing. You had gotten wind that a girl group was debuting soon, which meant you had less competition, but at the same time, you didn’t know what was going to happen. 

The girl who had sat in your dance lessons had disappeared, leaving you with just the instructor. It had been that way for a while. Until you saw the girls' debut poster in the hallway right before your semester had started again. You recognized one of the girls, seeing her as the one who had sat in your dance lessons. You didn’t like her new hair cut or color really. So you didn’t give them any mind. 

You kept your head down and focused on yourself rather than who was above you. Something your mother had always taught you. 

“Never compare yourself to others. It will just make you upset.” She would always say to you. “Be yourself, and people will not only love you, but you will love yourself.” 

You tried your best to remember it at times. That was how you had befriended Yeojin you assumed. You kept to yourself and did your best with everything. And now you had one full friend.

“Y/N.” You looked up from your sheet music, seeing a girl that looked vaguely familiar watching you. “You are Y/N right?” The girl asked. 

“Yes.” You answered. You were never approached by anyone in the company before. Except for that one girl who had taken you back to your dance lesson when you had gotten lost. 

“The teacher wants to see you in her office.” You nodded your head, only understanding half of the sentence. You got enough of it to start cleaning your little station and put everything neatly in your folder before following the girl down the hallway. “You’re really young.” The girl stated. When you didn’t answer, she frowned at you, looking at you with curious eyes. “And quiet…” She muttered. 

She had led you to the office, knocking on the door for you before letting you in. You sat your instructor sitting at her desk, and you gave her a smile before she returned the same to you. 

“Thank you Siyeon.” Your instructor stated. 

The girl left, leaving you alone with your teacher. She stood up to shut the office door before walking back to her desk and pulled up her computer screen. 

“You are very talented.” She spoke. “Sit, sit.” She gestured to the empty chair, allowing you to sit across from her. “I think with a lot of practice, you’ll be able to debut sooner rather than later.” She chuckled. 

“Really?” You asked her. 

“Of course.” She smiled. “You have a gift. That girl that was just here, she is one of our best singers. The entire group she is in is incredibly talented as well.” She chuckled. “I trained them all myself and when I say you have talent… I mean it.” She winked. 

You felt a warm feeling in your chest. Talent. You knew you had to have something since you were there, but to hear it come from your instructor felt different. You felt honestly proud. 

“I’ll see about moving you into a better training course, your voice is going to start maturing soon and I want you to have a flexible range instead of sticking to the same thing over and over again.” She further explained. You listened to her carefully, not wanting to miss anything. Your schedule was going to change and that was going to further make you antsy, but you didn’t want to lose your spot. You loved it here now. 

You just needed to wait a little longer.


	3. Three

2014 December

You let out a small groan, your entire body just sore from your back to back practices. You were officially on break and had time to focus on just training. You tried to call your mother once a day and tried to keep up with your language skills as well. You let out a frustrated sigh as you looked through your notes, learning how to pull longer sentences together. It helped that you were singing in Korean, helped that you had friends that only spoke Korean, helped that you were completely immersed without any difficulty or backing out. 

“Y/N-ah!” Your head flipped up to see your friend, Yeojin. You gave her a smile, happy that she would always look out for you. “What are your plans for holiday break?” She asked. 

“Um… Maybe just… Stay at the company.” You muttered. 

“Right.” She frowned. “Do you think they would let you go to my house? My parents would be really happy to have you!” She beamed. You didn’t know how everything worked. You really needed to pass it by your managers first. 

Of course, your managers had allowed it. You were taken to Yeojin’s home, a small bag packed since you were staying for a few nights. You were excited and nervous at the same time. When you had texted her to let her know you were in front of her building, it took minutes for her to run outside, waving at you as you climbed out. 

Both of you were giggling as you hugged one another. Even though it had been only a day since you both last saw each other, you were just happy to see her again. 

“My parents made a lot of food.” She smiled. 

“I’m so hungry.” You laughed.

Yeojin’s parents were everything nice to you. They were happy that their daughter had befriended someone like you. Someone who was caring and was supportive of her. When they asked where your family was, you answered truthfully. 

“My mother lives in Hong Kong. I’ve never met my dad.” You answered. “But I live here. I am training to become an idol.” You answered, happy with how you said everything. 

“You don’t have a dad?” Yeojin’s mother frowned at you. 

“No, my mom said that he wasn’t a nice person.” You admitted. Your mother had never spoken ill of the man, but she did warn you to never trust anyone until you were absolutely sure of them. 

“So you’re here… By yourself?” Her father looked worried. 

“Yes.” You answered. “I dorm in the company.” 

“Are you on a strict diet?” Her mother asked. You nodded your head, before looking down at your plate. You had really only eaten half, your body used to not eating much anymore. “Well… We won’t tell if you eat more.” She winked at you. You let out a small laugh, hearing Yeojin laugh with you. 

It was obvious they cared a lot for Yeojin and her friends. Before long you were getting ready for bed, the two of you wearing your sleep clothes and giggling about Christmas being the next day. 

“Do you celebrate Christmas?” Yeojin asked you. 

“Yeah, my mom would get me a gift. I would make her something… Or one year, I asked her for money and went and got her a gift.” You smiled. 

“Only one gift?!” Yeojin gasped. 

“Yeah! We didn’t have a lot of money.” You smiled. “So we did our best.” You explained. 

“Why are you so cool?” Yeojin asked you after a few moments of silence. You looked at her, not sure you understood her. “You’re a trainee… You are completely okay with not having a lot of friends… You just… You have this cool personality about you.” She explained. 

“I have always been like this.” You shrugged. “My mom is the same way.” You chuckled. 

“I want to be like that.” Yeojin laughed. 

Your few days off had ended right after the holiday. You profusely thanked Yeojin’s parents for allowing you to stay with them. They accepted your thanks, telling you that you were welcome back any time when you needed a family. 

By the New Year, you were honestly tired. You had been training non-stop and just wanted to sit and rest. 

“Do it again.” Your instructor demanded. You really didn’t understand why you had to keep going, but you did your best. You tried your hardest to keep up. Everything seemed like it was going to just fall apart. When you had finished the routine, you nearly fell to the floor, completely out of breath, but still standing. You felt the sweat just dripping off of you when you heard slow clapping. “You passed.” He smiled. 

“Passed?” You frowned. 

“You’ll be moving up by your birthday.” He stated as he wrote something down on his phone. You watched him in disbelief. You were told you had to get older before moving up. Not just by skill. “You’re learning a lot faster than anyone had really thought.” He chuckled. “So, you’ll be moving up to the classes. There aren’t many girls here, so we’ll do our best to put you with a good group.” He explained. 

Boy was he right. You were placed in a group that was mostly boys. All of them older than you. It was intimidating, to say the least. They were much taller and very terrifying. 

“Hey.” You jumped at the voice, looking up at one of the guys that had called out to you. “How old are you?” He asked you. 

“E-Eleven.” You answered quietly. 

“Eleven?” He asked. 

“Really?” Another gasped. 

“A baby!” Another guy chuckled. The three of them had gotten closer to you, almost as if they were going to jump you. 

“If anyone. And I mean anyone tries to hurt you, you tell us okay?” He stated, leaning forward to look you dead in the eye. 

“What?” You asked him. 

“You’re a baby. We will protect you.” One of the others spoke. 

You didn’t know that you had joined an informal mafia by moving up in your dance classes.


	4. Four

2015 March

You had no idea how many friends you had made quickly with this new class. You were mostly friends with the guys, especially since there were really no girls. The only girls you had seen were older than you and wanted nothing to do with you. However, the guys all carried you around, talked to you, and treated you like a younger sister. 

“Give me that.” You had been struggling to open a little jar for a while now, only for one of your senior trainees to grab it from you and open it with ease. You grumbled about being able to do it yourself, only for him to ruffle your hair before walking through the cafeteria. 

“Sitting alone?” You looked up and saw another male trainee sit across from you. 

“Yeah. I don’t have a lot of friends…” You shrugged. “That’s okay.” You gave him a smile before digging into your small dinner. It wasn’t long before more of the male trainees had joined your table, all of them engaging you in different topics. All of them asking you how your day at school was and how your practice was. It was shocking, to say the least. 

As your days had gone on, more people just saw you as one of the guys. Some of them even joked about you debuting with them instead of a girl group. You were learning all of their dances with ease and had a lot more fun with that instead of the girls. 

From them, you also learned their vocal tips, teaching them your own. It was almost counterproductive until your vocal coach started to incorporate you learning a lower register to stretch your range. 

“Y/N really just hangs out with the boys.” You heard one of the girls say. You were happy you were small, able to hide in a lot of places. 

“Well, she’s like ten.” Another girl sighed. “I don’t think she’ll debut.” 

“Yeah, she’ll be here a while before she will anyway. She doesn’t even have what it takes to really be in a girl group anyway. Especially if she’s going to be dancing like them.” Another scoffed. 

You backed away from the room they were in, trying your hardest not to cry. You had never had a bad encounter until now. You turned down the hallway, deciding to just sit in the stairwell until you had to go to your classes. You had a few tears rolling down your cheeks, silently crying as you thought over what they had said. 

Were you really that different? Did no one really believe you? Did your instructors lie to you just for you to get confident with your own style? 

“I think it could be different.” You heard someone say. You didn’t move. You didn’t care at this point. You just wanted to go home. 

“I don’t think so.” Another voice spoke as if she was shocked. They were getting closer. You still didn’t move. 

“Well maybe--Hello?” You looked over, seeing two girls staring at you. One was smaller than the other, but the taller one hurried to you, kneeling down in front of you. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“I know you.” The smaller one quickly spoke. “You’re Y/N right?” You looked up, vaguely remembering the girl. You didn’t really remember faces all that well, but you tried. 

“Yeah.” You whispered. 

“Why are you here crying?” The smaller girl asked, kneeling down on the stairs to get a better look at you. “Y/N?” She repeated your name softly, waiting for you to speak. 

“Siyeon, Yoohyeon where are you?” A male voice called out. 

“We’re coming!” The taller one shouted. “Should we take her with us?” She frowned. 

“We can’t… She’s a trainee.” The smaller one sighed. “We have to go… Please don’t cry.” The smaller one sighed. “It will get better.” She said before standing up. It was clear they really wanted to find out what was wrong with you, but with what you assumed to be a manager calling for them, it didn’t really matter. 

“Please don’t think of horrible things.” The taller one whispered before leaving. 

You watched them leave, unsure of why they had even stopped to talk to you. Every other girl in the company didn’t bother to talk to you in the first place. 

It had been a few days, you were thrown off of everything. You decided to hide from your new friends and chose to just stay in your dorm instead of going out and interacting with others during your free time. During your class, you were strictly focused on learning routines and not bothering with engaging with anyone else. 

“Y/N-ah, what made you so upset?” One of the males as you. 

“Who made you upset?” Another asked. 

“Nobody.” You muttered before walking away from them. 

“Has to be someone or something.” The first guy stated. 

“Am I weird?” You frowned, turning to look at them. Each one was like an older brother to you. You really didn’t know how you felt anymore. You just wanted to have some kind of friendship with someone in the company. 

“No?” One of them asked, looking to everyone else who agreed with his statement. “Who said you were weird?” He asked. 

“I just hear things.” You shrugged. “And I miss my mom.” You sighed. 

As soon as you said that, you were being lifted off the ground and carried all over the practice room. Earning a few looks from the older girls. 

“Listen, whoever said you were weird is just going to have to accept that you are one of us.” The one carrying you chuckled. “And!” He continued. “We can’t do anything about you being homesick, but you have us! We’re like a little family.” He smiled. 

“Do you have brothers back home?” Another asked. 

“I have no siblings.” You answered. 

“Now you have brothers.” They all spoke in unison. You let out a laugh, happy to have people that didn’t think you were weird. It was still a thought in the back of your mind, but not in the moment anymore.


	5. Five

2015 November

You were certain you had failed your test. You had your head on your desk, your brain just screaming at you that you failed. When your teacher had handed it back, you were shocked to see you had passed with an average score for your math grade. You let out a sigh of relief, shocked that you had managed that much.

“But did you pass?” One of your friends asked you when you had entered the practice room. 

“I did!” You smiled. “I got a 72!” 

“That’s really close to failing Y/N.” One of the guys pointed out. 

“I’m not good at math.” You admitted. 

You had spent your days falling into a new routine. You had weekend routines, school day routines, and break routines. You were happy to finally have something to really rely on. Something that was solid and set. Something that allowed you to really get comfortable. Almost relaxing in a way. 

After a few weeks of the same thing, you were shocked to see new girls walk into your dance class. Your new instructor had stepped out to talk to someone while you were left unsupervised. Almost immediately you were hoisted up by one of the guys, carrying you around the room just to get you to laugh. 

His reasoning, you were still a kid and deserved to have fun. 

“What are you guys doing back here?” You heard through your laughs. The guy carrying you on his back stopped running, deciding to walk over to the little forming group. 

“They're talking about disbanding us.” One of the girls answered. “A lot of groups debuted this year and it’s really hard to stand out right now.” The same one explained. You peeked over your friend’s shoulder, watching them from your newfound height. 

“That’s horrible.” One of the guys frowned. 

“Yeah…” Another sighed. 

“We really don’t know what’s going to happen next.” 

“Maybe you guys will debut again. When everything is kind of calm and boring. Be there to spice it up.” The one carrying you gave them a hopeful smile. 

“Who are you carrying?” One of the girls asked him. 

“Oh? This? It’s my new backpack.” He smiled while showing you off. “It carries absolutely nothing.” 

“I carry things!” You defended. 

“It talks?!” He gasped. 

Everyone let out a laugh, all of the girls just laughing at his reaction to what you had said. After a few more minutes your instructor walked back in, having everyone start with their own routines. The newer girls watched from the side, deciding to sit today out so they could watch and learn from everyone. 

They all were shocked to see you sitting with the guys, all of them almost surrounding you from everyone else. 

When it came time for your turn, it was a shock to everyone to see you performing with the guys. The newer girls had watched you with awe, shocked with how well you were able to keep up with them. 

By the end of your class, you had learned the new girls’ names and had given them a small smile. You were shy, and they really didn’t know you. You had seen them around, but everything was just different. 

They were already idols. You were a trainee. 

You assumed they had just thought you were weird anyway. 

Every day was something new. When the holidays came around again, you were right there at Yeojin’s house having a good time with her family once again. You had found a small family within them and it made being homesick hurt just a little less when you were with them. Yeojin had auditioned for a company and had gotten in, screaming at you that both of your dreams would come true. 

“Do you think we’ll debut the same year?” She asked. 

“I hope so.” You smiled. 

It was something you had both talked about for hours on end during school. How exhausted you both were, how everything hurt, but it was all going to be worth it. You were going to debut as idols one day and that was all that mattered. 

By the time your birthday came around again, you were surprised when Yeojin had contacted you. She had told you she had a gift for you, claiming that she really didn’t want to wait any longer. It was only two days before your birthday.

“I can’t keep this in my dorm!” You frowned as you held the little cage in your hands. 

Yeojin had gotten you a hedgehog. 

“Yes, you can! He’s small!” She chuckled. 

“Unnie… I can’t have pets at the company.” You whispered. “I dorm there.” You frowned while looking up at her. 

“Can’t you just… Pretend that you don’t have a pet?” Yeojin asked. 

“How am I smuggling a hedgehog in?” You frowned. 

With the help of your friends of course. 

Your three closest friends had agreed to help, using their own duffle bags as a guise. You walked into the company being carried as always, your own bag filled with hedgehog supplies for your new friend. One of the duffle bags had a cage the size of a cat carrier in it with a little bed and other supplies while one of the others actually contained your new prickly friend. 

“Hurry before they see us.” The eldest whispered, hurrying to the other side of the building where the girls’ dorms were. You hurried to your own room, pulling out your key to open the door before they were seen. They hurriedly put together everything, pulling out your new friend carefully. 

“Here you go.” He smiled. 

“Thank you!” You took the little cage from him, holding your friend while they set the other cage upon the other desk. Once everything was set up, you finished cleaning up everything to make his home the best possible home ever. “There we go.” You smiled. “I’ll call you…” You whispered as you watched him drink his water. “Button.” You chuckled. 

When March had hit, you had a new schedule down pat. You had everything figured out until your managers instructed that you would be getting a roommate soon. Your eyes widened. You had been on your own for two years now. No roommate… Except for Button, but that was different. 

“Roommate?” You asked your managers. 

“Yes, she is coming from China, we figured you would have a better time with her than someone else.” He explained. 

A roommate from China, now that was something that made you a little happier. Someone you could understand and hopefully talk to.


	6. Six

2016 May

You had hidden Button in your closet and every other trace of hedgehog under your bed. You had your little friend tucked into your sweater pocket as your manager brought in your new roommate. You had panicked since they knocked earlier than anticipated. Your pocket was somewhere you knew they wouldn’t check.

“This is your new roommate, Dong.” Your manager announced. 

“Nice to meet you.” You spoke in Cantonese. She was a little taken back, but still had a look of confusion. So you changed it to Mandarin, watching her give you a small smile. “My name is Y/N.” You smiled. 

“Nice to meet you Y/N.” Dong chuckled. 

After a few more minutes, your manager had left, leaving you to talk to the older girl. 

“You’re Chinese?” She asked you as she set her bed up. 

“Hong Konger.” You corrected her. She let out a little hum of approval as she focused on her bed. “Do you like animals?” You asked her. 

“I like cats.” She answered. 

“Oh.” You nodded. 

“Do you like cats?” She asked as she pulled a cat plush out of her suitcase. 

“Yes. I am afraid of dogs though…” You admitted. “I have a hedgehog.” You smiled. 

“Hedgehog?” She asked. 

You debated on showing off Button right there. And, let’s be honest, you did anyway. You pulled your little friend out of your pocket, showing her your only close friend from the past few months. 

“My friend got him for me on my birthday.” You explained. “The company doesn’t know I have him.” You whispered. 

“He’s really cute.” Dong chuckled. “I won’t tattle on you.” She smiled as she stroked his little head with her finger. 

You had made an instant friend. While her Korean was still in the basic stages, you gave her the workbooks that you had gotten from school when you had first come two years prior. She was incredibly grateful for you, smiling as she looked through the many notes. 

“I can also help. I’ve only been here for two years, but it’s okay.” You explained with a small laugh. 

During classes, you were close to Dong and had brought her into your inner circle of protection. She had thought it was a little weird since you were only friends with the guys, but she was happy you had friends. 

“What are you struggling with?” She asked you. 

“Everything.” You muttered as you looked at your textbook. 

“Math?” She knew you struggled the most in that course, hearing you curse to yourself about how hard it was. You would end up translating the equations and problems and she would do her best to help you. 

You were at least getting 80 percent and above with her help. So it was a start. 

By the time you were officially on summer break, another new girl had joined. You were shocked to see that she wasn’t too much older than you. She was still in school herself. But she had decided to sit by herself for the few first days. 

“You should befriend her,” Dong whispered. 

“What if she thinks I’m weird?” You frowned. 

“So what? She’s new. She won’t think you’re weird.” Dong gave you a slight push, following you as you walked up to her. 

“Hello.” You spoke quietly. 

“Hi…” The new girl whispered. 

“Um… W-We were wondering… If you want to be friends?” You asked. The new girl gave you both a weird look, seeing how odd you two were. 

“Um… Sure.” She answered. “I’m Gahyeon.” 

“I’m Y/N. This is Dong.” You smiled. “Her Korean is still very… Basic.” You explained. 

“Oh, are you guys foreign?” Gahyeon asked. 

“Yes, I’m from Hong Kong, she’s from China.” 

Another instant friend. 

Gahyeon had yet to meet Button though. She wasn’t trusted that quickly. 

By the time your new term had started, you just wished you had fixed your sleep schedule at least a week beforehand instead of just the night prior. You had decided to stay up with Dong and watch Chinese dramas to catch up on everything you had missed. You were both into a lot of the same ones and she had quickly gotten you up to speed on a few of them. 

“I’m going to die.” You muttered as you rubbed your eyes. You had been running on about five hours of sleep and a full day of school already done. Gahyeon let out a small chuckle with Dong as you three were sitting in a small circle off to the side as you waited for class to start. 

“Dong, Gahyeon, Y/N.” Your instructor called out. The three of you had looked over at him, waiting for further instruction. “Come.” He waved his hand, all of you looked at one another, afraid of what kind of trouble you were going to be in. 

“This is them?” A man asked. 

“Yes sir.” Your instructor smiled. 

“Come with me girls.” 

You followed the man down the hallway, a little scared that they had found out about Button. You reached out for Dong’s hand, not wanting to feel lost. You were all escorted into a conference room where five other girls already sat. The same five girls that had been in and out of your classes for the past few years. 

“Girls, meet your new members.” The man smiled. 

“New members?” Gahyeon muttered. 

“Welcome.” One of the girls smiled. 

You weren’t entirely sure you made sense of it. 

“You’ll be debuting with these girls. Completely rebranded under a nightmare concept.” The CEO sat at the table, smiling at all eight of you. “Except Y/N. She will be part of the nightmare concept, but she will play the light of this group.” 

“I’m confused…” You whispered. 

“All eight of you will debut as the new group Dreamcatcher. Your concept will be a nightmare, each representing a fear. But you Y/N. You’ll play as their light.” He further explained. 

“When?” Gahyeon asked quietly. 

“January 2017. Gives you all a few months to be relocated into a dorm of your own, get to know each other while finding a new schedule. Learn everything. Gives Dong more time for her Korean…” he shrugged his shoulders at the three of you. 

You sat in your bed that night, looking at Dong who was scrolling on her phone. Your hedgehog was on your lap already asleep. 

“How are we getting Button out of here?” You asked her.


	7. Seven

2016 December

The rooms in the dorm weren’t entirely spacious, and there were only three. You didn’t know who to dorm with, deciding to pick by room choosing. Minji was the first to go, finding a room on her own. Bora was next, choosing a different room than the older. Siyeon had gone next, screaming when she realized she was in the same room as Minji. You heard giggling as Dong went next. After Dong was Yoohyeon, then Dami, then Gahyeon. You waited a few minutes before walking into the closest room to you. You opened the door and were greeted by Bora and Yoohyeon. 

“Welcome roomie.” Yoohyeon smiled at you. The three of you played rock, paper, scissors for the free bed, immediately you lost, deciding to sit on the bottom bunk. Bora had won, giggling as she threw herself on the single bed. “Do you want the top or bottom bed?” she asked. 

“Can I have the bottom bed?” You asked. 

“Of course.” Yoohyeon chuckled. 

You had successfully moved Button into the new dorm with the help of Gahyeon and Dong. The other girls were shocked when you had pulled out a cage from one of your suitcases and set it up on your nightstand. 

“What is that?” Bora asked you. 

“A cage.” You answered quietly. Once you had finished setting it up you reached into your pocket, pulling out your little friend. 

“What is that??” She asked. 

“My hedgehog.” You frowned as you put him in his cage. 

“You… Had him… In the company dorm?” She asked. You nodded your head sheepishly, watching her let out a laugh. “What’s his name?” She asked. 

“Button.” You smiled. 

When you had finished setting yourself up, you reached into Button’s cage, deciding to give him a tour of the new dorm. 

“This is the kitchen.” You smiled as you held him up. “And over there in the living room.” You turned around, showing him the living room. 

“What is that?” You looked down the hall, seeing Minji looking at you. 

“My hedgehog.” You answered. “His name is Button.” You smiled. Immediately she ran up to you, cooing over your friend. 

“I didn’t know you could have pets in the company,” Minji whispered as she reached out to pet him. 

“You can’t.” Dong chuckled. “She hid him. We had to sneak him out.” She explained. 

You let out a small giggle as you watched her expression change. You showed him off to everyone else, showing him everyone’s room. 

Once you were settled in, and Button was back in his cage, you sat in the living room with the rest of the girls playing a game for bonding. 

“Okay, one thing about you.” Minji started. You listened to everyone, Minji had a very strong passion for rock and metal music, Bora admitted she had cheated on a test, Siyeon had stated she was in a band in high school, Dong said she was in a musical in China, Yoohyeon admitted she tried getting a dog without her parent’s permission but was caught and punished, Dami had stated she had been obsessing over a manga for over three years and Gahyeon had admitted she was a really big nerd. 

“Your turn.” Gahyeon smiled at you. 

“I’m afraid of dogs.” You answered. 

“Really??” Gahyeon gasped. “Me too!” She smiled. 

“How can you both be afraid of dogs?” Siyeon frowned.

“I got bit by one,” Gahyeon muttered. 

“I got chased by one.” You frowned. 

Within a few days, you were all giggling and screaming within the dorm with each other. Minus Dong and Dami. They were quiet. 

“IT’S SNOWING!!!” Yoohyeon shouted when she looked out the window. You ran to her side, sliding on the tile in your socks as you almost collided with the little table in the living room. Siyeon let out a scream as she did the exact same thing colliding right into you. 

“Can we go out?” You asked, peeking over the taller members. 

“We can.” Siyeon giggled, running to the front door where her shoes were. You followed her hurrying to your boots. 

“What are you two doing?” Both of you looked up, seeing Minji looking at you. 

“Going to play in the snow,” Siyeon asked. 

“No.” She pointed. You slowly reached for your other boot, pulling it closer to you as you started to put it on. “Y/N.” She pointed, while she was distracted, Siyeon did the exact same thing. Eventually, Minji gave up, allowing you two to go out and run around like idiots. 

You had no idea how you had bonded with someone so quickly. Siyeon just felt comfortable to be around and here you were giggling and throwing little pieces of snow at each other. You let out a high pitched scream when she managed to get some down your coat, instantly she felt terrible and tried to help you get it out. 

“I’m sorry!” She laughed as she helped you shake your coat off. 

“It’s okay.” You giggled. 

“We should go inside, you might get sick because the whole inside is wet now.” She frowned as she looked at your shivering body. “Here.” She took off her own coat, putting it on you. It was big on you, which meant you were swimming in it. 

“But you’ll get cold.” You frowned at her. 

“We’re going inside now. It’ll be okay.” She smiled as she pushed you towards the front of the building. You both walked back inside, everyone confused as to why Siyeon didn’t have a coat until she had explained what had happened. 

That night all of you were lounging in the living room watching a movie that was voted in. You sat right in between Dong and Siyeon, trying your best not to fall asleep. You didn’t want to fall asleep. You didn’t want them to think you were really a child that you couldn’t even stay up past nine-thirty. 

You didn’t know that you were really fighting sleep until you felt an arm around you. You woke up slightly, seeing that you had fallen into Siyeon’s side. The older girl had put an arm around you without even thinking about it. So you let yourself fall asleep just like that. 

When you woke up the next morning, you were in your bed. You frowned trying to remember when you had woken up to move. You slid out of your bed, walking out to the kitchen where you found Dami already seated at the table eating a bowl of cereal while reading a book. 

“Did you sleep okay?” She asked you. 

“I think so. I don’t remember moving.” You frowned. 

“Bora carried you,” Dami answered the unspoken question. “She was the only one who could without trying too hard.” She chuckled. You nodded your head, making a mental note to thank her later. 

“Do you know what we’re doing today?” You asked her. 

“Nope. I think today is another bonding day before official meetings start.” She answered. 

You didn’t like that at all. You didn’t like having any control over a day. You wanted to schedule your day. That way you felt accomplished. Not this.


	8. Eight

2017 January

Everything had been completely finished. You had a stage name, given to you by Minji and Bora. You were happy with it and it fit your concept well. 

“Mikyong, or as Siyeon had stated, Miki. Hidden member to the world.” Your CEO smiled. “You feel confident with your part?” He asked you. 

“Yes.” You smiled. 

You were officially going to debut within a few weeks, and you had been practicing to no end. The entire group had already done their photos, recording, everything. You felt accomplished. All of it was done while you were on your academic break before your semester started again. 

Everyone’s parents were invited down to support your debut, allowing you to meet everyone. You and Dong didn’t expect your parents to show up, but when yours did, she immediately took to both of you. 

“This is Dong?” Your mother asked. 

“Yes.” You smiled. 

“Very nice to meet you.” Dong gave her a warm smile, before being pulled into a hug by your mother. You were just over the moon to see her again. 

All of the parents had grouped together, all of them talking with the help of you since your mother didn’t speak Korean. You translated the best you could for her, earning coos from the other parents. 

“Tell her we can watch you as well while she is home.” Siyeon’s father smiled. A few parents agreed while you translated for your mother. Your mother was extremely happy that you were going to be very well taken care of and was so happy that you were going to debut. 

“This is your mom?” Minji asked you. 

“Yes. Mom, this is Minji. My group leader.” You introduced your leader to her, earning a nod. Everyone had gathered around you, which you introduced everyone, excluding Dong. 

“We promise to raise her well.” Minji smiled. You were quick to translate, watching her give a sad smile. 

“And we’ll make sure she gets her homework done.” Siyeon pointed. 

“And to make sure she eats,” Bora added. 

When you had translated, you felt a lump in your throat. You watched as your mother’s eyes glossed over with tears, but she held them back when she saw that you were near tears yourself. 

That night you laid in your bed, nervous about your very first stage tomorrow. Your mom had seen you perform millions of times, but now this was on tv. Something people were going to see and remember for maybe the rest of their lives. 

“Your mom is really nice.” You heard Bora say. 

“Your mom is really nice too.” Yoohyeon chuckled. “Your brother on the other hand…” 

“He’s odd okay.” Bora laughed. “Your brother too.” She pointed, earning a laugh from the younger girl. “Miki, your mom looks just like you.” She smiled. You didn’t say anything, your emotions really holding you in a silent lock. “Miki?” 

“Is she asleep?” You felt Yoohyeon moving above you. Bora walked over to you, kneeling down in front of your bed to check on you. 

“Hey…” She whispered as she wiped away a few stray tears. You had no idea you started crying. “Are you upset because your mom is going to be leaving soon?” She asked. You nodded your head, not wanting to worry them with your own nerves about tomorrow. “You can call her every day.” She whispered as she pulled you into a hug. “Just make tomorrow really count okay?” She smiled. “Make her really proud.” 

The next day was your absolute hell. Your face-covering kept flying up, causing the makeup artist to tape it to your skin. 

“Miki looks like a mummy.” Gahyeon chuckled. 

“Can you see?” Your managers asked. 

“Yes.” You answered. 

You had worn the blindfold for god knows how long during your practices. You knew the dance literally with your eyes closed. You were able to navigate everything with the covering. This time, it was you could see them, but they couldn’t see you. 

“Ready to make lots of people creeped out?” Siyeon whispered in your ear. 

“Yes.” You giggled, a little too dark for Minji’s liking.

You walked out towards the stage, holding onto Siyeon’s hand for support as you were led through. You could see a few other groups watching you, some giving you an odd look as you continued through the halls to the stage.

“Did you see her?” 

“How weird.” 

“They must be really new.” 

“Nah, I saw the one with Minx.” 

You tightened your grip on the older girl’s hand, earning a slight squeeze right back. You didn’t know much, but you knew that their words were condescending. 

When you had gotten out on stage, it was a little scary. But as soon as the music started, you were fully in control once again. You knew exactly where you needed to be, and just exactly how you needed to sound. 

You kept your spacing perfect, of course, you were really near the back most of the time as the hidden member. Everything was a story. For your debut song Chase Me, you were trying to run from them and the evil that had controlled them. You were the little light in the darkness of the world. Of course, you and Minji had taken in a whole twenty steps further and created a little universe within it. She had claimed to just be having fun with you, but it had gotten serious as you two both debated it and wrote it down in a little journal. 

When your performance had finished, the crowd was stunned. All of them cheering and applauding for your group. You smiled, but of course, you weren’t seen. When you had gotten off the stage, you felt a hand in yours. 

“Siyeon?” You frowned, looking down at the hand. 

“Nope. Me.” Dong chuckled. “I got you, don’t worry.” 

You were given strict rules. Never take the face-covering off in public if you were traveling with the group or any member. When you were in the safety of the dressing room, the stylist had helped you take your cover off, allowing you to breathe a little properly now.

“You were so good!” Minji squealed as she hugged you tightly. 

“Thank you.” You chuckled while hugging her back. 

“When we leave you to need to cover up again.” Your manager reminded you of the rules. You were aware. You would just wear a large mask for your nose and mouth, but since it was large, it fit your whole face. 

“Got my mask.” You chuckled as you put it on. You heard loud laughter, most likely Bora. 

“Don’t take it off yet.” Bora laughed. You heard the familiar sound of the camera taking a photo, so you started posing, earning a roar of laughter from everyone else. “Okay, okay.” Bora wheezed. “I think I have enough.” She chuckled. You took off the mask, hurrying over to see what she had. You smiled as she posted a few of the pictures to Instagram with your manager’s approval. Instantly a few of the fans were reacting to it, all of them asking who you were and why you were covered. 

“They will never know.” You whispered. 

“Never.” She smiled.


	9. Nine

2017 February

You sat in the living room with your members, a few of them already doing a live stream for the fans you had accumulated over the few weeks after your debut. You were still hidden, so you decided to stay silent, not wanting to ruin anything. After a while, it was just Yoohyeon reading comments and interacting with fans as everyone else had gone to get food.

“Who is the hidden member?” She chuckled. You looked overseeing her glance up at you. You shook your head, a smile spread on your lips. “It’s a secret.” She pointed. “But she is here.” She smiled. You let out a loud laugh before grabbing the nearest thing to you. You found a pillow and walked over to her, covering your face before waving to the camera. “See! She’s here.” She laughed. 

“Hi.” You giggled before hurrying off camera before you dropped the pillow. 

“They want to ask you questions,” Yoohyeon said as she read more comments. 

“Okay.” You were quiet, waiting for her to read off questions. 

“Nope. Nope. Nope.” She muttered as she looked through the questions. “Oh! Do you have any pets?” She asked. 

“Yes!” You giggled. You jumped off the couch, running towards your room. Yoohyeon had hidden the phone, just so you wouldn’t be seen behind her. You hurried into your room, opening your cage to pull Button out of his cage. 

“Where did she go?” Yoohyeon chuckled. “She went to get her pet.” You heard her laugh. You carefully held him in your hands, walking out to see where she was. She hid her phone again, allowing you to walk back into the living room so you could show off Button. 

“This is Button.” You whispered as you put him in her free hand. 

“Is this how I hold him?” She asked, clearly panicked. “He actually hurts… I don’t.. Can you just hold him? I’ll switch the camera.” She muttered. You nodded, choosing to hold your little friend in your hands. “Okay!” Yoohyeon smiled as she switched the camera to show off your little friend. “His name is Button.” She smiled. 

“What are you two doing?!” You jumped at your leader’s voice, seeing Minji watching you with wide eyes. 

“But it’s only my hands.” You defended. 

“Yoohyeon I swear.” Minji laughed as she pulled you away from her. “You’re being careful? Yoohyeon is known to spoil things.” She whispered.   
“Yes.” You answered. “I covered my face with a pillow and they asked if I had any pets. So I wanted to show them my best friend.” You smiled while holding Button up to her. You watched as she took him from your hands, scrunching her nose at how cute he was. 

“Okay. But be very, very careful. One slip up and the whole concept is ruined.” She whispered. 

“Yes!” You giggled as you hurried back to show off Button some more. 

“They want to know if he does tricks,” Yoohyeon asked you. 

“Um… He can fit in my pocket.” You shrugged your shoulders as she switched the camera, showing the fans how you slipped him easily into your pocket, allowing him to adjust himself. “See.” You giggled. 

Ever since that one live stream, fans had been calling you adorable and weird. You didn’t know how to take it. But you saw fan edits of people putting things in your pocket since you had shown yourself putting Button in your pocket. 

“Our fans are so weird.” Siyeon laughed as she showed you yet another edit of you putting things in your pocket, or Button falling into an alternate universe that was your pocket. 

“Do you think they like him?” You asked her. 

“Considering they already did fanart… Yes.” She chuckled as she showed you a drawing someone had done. It was from one of your stages, where your face covering at the time was a scarf. The scarf had created a face, unintentional of course, and people had deemed you as a witch character with your familiar, Button the Hedgehog. 

“Wow!” You gasped, taking her phone from her to look at the drawing. You didn’t know people would love you this much to make fan art. You handed the phone back to her, watching her save the photo before sending it to you. “Thank you.” You whispered. 

It all seemed that it would be okay. That you were going into a new routine with your life that had somewhat of a recurring schedule. You were back in school, and you would hurry home to change and feed Button his dinner, just for you to rush out the door to hurry to the studio. 

You were greeted with your members, all of them hugging you but Siyeon had hugged you the tightest. You weren’t sure why, especially since you barely knew her. But it felt like you two had known each other for years. 

After a few hours of practice for the new comeback, you were sitting on the side reading a few chapters for your literacy class. Siyeon sat next to you, looking at the book you were reading. 

“I read that in school.” She smiled. 

“It’s boring.” You frowned. 

“Yeah, it is.” She laughed. 

It was silent for a few moments, Siyeon reading over your shoulder as you continued to write down little notes throughout the book. 

“Y/N… You… You were the one sitting on the stairs crying last year right?” She whispered. You stopped reading the passage, looking up at her with confused eyes. 

“Yeah…” You whispered. 

“What happened that day?” She frowned. You looked away from her, deciding maybe it was okay to tell her what had happened now that you had already debuted as a group. 

“I heard some girls… Say stuff about me.” You muttered. “And how I would never debut because I was weird… And I-I didn’t fit good… And I was too young.” You frowned. It was something that had haunted you the entire time with your new members and even before then when you had first heard it. The older girl pulled you into a tight embrace, knowing that those words will always stick with you until you really felt comfortable with who you were. 

“They’re dumb,” Siyeon whispered. “Besides, look who debuted anyway.” She smirked. You gave her a small smile, deciding to be held while you continued to read the book for your class. “You promise to tell me or any of us if someone does say something right?” She asked you. You turned your head to look at her, not sure of your own answer. “At least tell me?” She asked. 

“Only you?” You asked. 

“Only me.” Siyeon smiled.


	10. Ten

2017 April

Another comeback for the books. You had paired off with Minji days before the release of the music video and had both come up with further ideas for the little universe you had created. The two of you would tease your fans with the concepts, and all of them had enjoyed it very much. It was your bonding activity with the leader whenever you could. 

You had a face covering on once again, still the hidden member. You focused on trying to stay near the girls, but everything was really too much. There were a few other groups on stage, all of them being somewhat calm, except one boy group who had separated you from everyone else. You couldn’t see perfectly, but you saw enough to know that you were separated completely. 

“Siyeon unnie?” You muttered quietly, trying to find her at least. When you didn’t you went into a full-blown panic. You couldn’t find them and people were moving off stage. 

“Where are you from?” You heard a voice call out, then a little hand grabs your wrist. You looked down at your wrist, following the arm up. You couldn’t see who it was, but you knew it wasn’t one of your members. 

“I… I can’t find… My... My members.” You managed to stammer out. Your heart was beating rapidly, and you were near tears. You were only thirteen. You didn’t know where anything was, mainly because you had to be hidden from everyone. Not just the public, but literally everyone who wasn’t a part of the company. 

“Come with me… Okay? We’ll find them.” The voice was calming, strict even. You felt yourself being led off stage and tried your best to hold it all together. 

“Irene… She doesn’t look like one of yours.” Another voice stated. 

You froze slightly, Irene. Irene of Red Velvet Irene… 

“She got lost… I don’t know which group she’s from.” Irene stated. 

“I’ll help.” The new voice sounded so much more mature, so much older. You felt a hand reaching for your face covering, only for you to back away. 

“I-I can’t… Can’t be seen.” You sniffed. 

“Are you a hidden member?” The voice asked you. You nodded your head and immediately felt yourself being tugged further away. “Okay, you’re hidden here, just want to be able to see you okay?” You nodded your head and helped lift the covering off your face to look at them. 

“The poor thing is crying,” Irene whispered as she held your hand tightly. 

“Which group are you from?” You looked over and saw one of the other idols you had idolized for so long. Solar of Mamamoo. 

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to say…” You continued to sniffle. 

“We’ll keep your secret… How old are you?” Irene asked. 

“Thirteen.” You answered quietly. 

“A baby.” Solar pouted. “Which group? Can you tell us that so we can help you?” 

“Dreamcatcher.” You whispered. 

The two looked at each other, before looking back at you. It was clear they had only heard of your group maybe once or twice. It made sense since you had barely debuted a few months ago. 

“Let’s get you covered and help you find them,” Irene whispered as she helped you cover your face again.

“And the winner is… Red Velvet!!!” The emcee announced. 

“Are you kidding me?” Irene muttered after she helped you put the covering back on your face. 

“I’ll keep her here,” Solar whispered. 

You heard Irene leave and felt Solar’s hand in yours. You were shocked that these two senior members were looking after you, but then again, you were small, tiny, and a baby to them. Literally. After a few minutes, Irene came hurrying back to help you. 

“Go, I’ll be here a while.” She gave Solar a smile before leading you down the halls to the backstage rooms. “Let’s see…” She whispered as she read the names on the dressing rooms. “Your group is pretty good.” She smiled back at you, trying to help you calm down. 

“Thank you.” You whispered. 

“I mean it. You guys have such a fun concept.” She chuckled. “I wish we could do stuff like that.” She smiled. “We kind of do, but not the same sound.” She winked. “I really like it. You guys have a lot of talent.” She continued. You walked for a little while longer before stopping in front of a door. “Here.” She said while knocking on the door with her free hand. 

The door opened a few seconds later, revealing a very stressed Siyeon. 

“THERE YOU ARE!” She shouted as she pulled you into a tight hug. You let out a few tears at the sight of her, hugging her tightly as the rest of your members screamed at you. 

“Where did you go?!” Minji yelled at you. 

“Don’t ever do that again,” Bora shouted. 

“Thank you for bringing her,” Dami said to Irene. 

“It wasn’t an issue. She was just a little shaken up.” Irene smiled. 

“You found her?!” Your managers gasped. “Did anyone see your face?!” He frowned, looking to Irene. 

“Nope. She kept it on the whole time.” Irene quickly lied. You looked back at her, wanting to thank her but you really couldn’t. 

After you were changed and ready to go, Siyeon made sure to hold onto you. You were seated on her lap, waiting for the rest to be ready to go. 

“From now on, we hold Miki’s hand during these things,” Minji stated. “No one lets her go.” 

“Agreed.” Everyone said in unison, including you. You never wanted that to happen again. 

That night you, Siyeon, and Minji were doing a live stream, you had one of your sheer scarves tied over your face, enough to see them but nothing else. 

“I watched the music show and saw the hidden member got lost.” Minji read. “Yeah, but we found her.” She smiled while reaching over to pat you on the head. 

“We don’t want to lose our little angel.” Siyeon smiled before pulling you into a tight hug yet again. Your hand flew up to try and cover yourself, knowing it was hard to do any of this. Any behind the scenes filming you were always blurred out. But this, you couldn’t be blurred out. 

“Be careful!” Minji scolded her. 

“I am! Unnie is the one exposing me.” You defended. 

“Can you tell us more about the hidden member..” Siyeon read. “She’s small.” She laughed. 

“I mean… You can see it in the performances.” Minji shrugged. “She’s the tiniest out of all of us.” She chuckled. You let out a groan. You knew you were small. 

“Tiny angel!” Siyeon laughed.


	11. Eleven

2017 June

You rolled over in your bed, frowning when you saw your night light shut off yet again. Bora had told you that it bothered her and that she would turn it off if she saw you were already asleep. But you had frequent nightmares now. And you hated not having it on because your mind wandered real quick when it was pitch black.

You ended up slowly getting out of your bed, grabbing the stuffed lion that Yoohyeon had gotten you for your birthday. You walked down the hall to the living room, checking to see if anyone was up. You didn’t think so since it was already past two in the morning. When you saw the living room was empty, you walked back down the hall to the bigger room, peeking in to see everyone was asleep except one person. 

Siyeon. 

She was scrolling on her phone, the faint light from it illuminated her little area. She had looked over at you, squinting to see that the door was open. 

“Unnie?” You whispered. 

“What are you doing Y/N?” She whispered. 

“I can’t sleep.” You frowned. 

“Why?” She asked. 

“Bora unnie turned off my nightlight.” You explained as you quietly walked through the room. “Can I sleep here?” You whispered. 

“Yeah, yeah.” She moved over in her bed, taking out her earbud, and placed it with her phone on her nightstand. You climbed into her bed, holding your lion close to you as she got herself settled. “You sleep with a night light?” She asked. 

“Yeah…” You mumbled. She let out a small chuckle before pulling you close to her. “I know I’m too old for one.” You yawned. 

“Nope. Never too old for a nightlight.” She smiled. 

The next morning, you were exhausted. You only got a few hours of real sleep and it was when you had gone into Siyeon’s room. You had trouble keeping your focus for your practice, causing the instructor to lash out at you. You apologized, quickly saying that you would do better. 

“What is the problem with you today?” Bora scolded you after another hour of practice. You only had a few more days to learn the dance and you were failing miserably. 

“I’m just really tired.” You frowned. 

“How? You went to bed early?” Yoohyeon asked. 

“She came into my room at like two,” Siyeon answered. “She had really bad nightmares and couldn’t fall back asleep.” She explained to her. You nodded before looking at the older girl. It was the truth. You hadn’t been sleeping well because of them. 

After that day, you were able to sleep with your nightlight on. Bora had just learned to sleep with it on just so you could get a good night’s rest. It wasn’t long before you were filming with them, giggling as you were running in the grass with Siyeon. 

“Miki is dead technically.” Minji smiled at the camera. 

“Yes!” You giggled, escaping the older girl’s grasp to run next to your leader. The two of you went back and forth about the theory, explaining it in great detail. You had a different mask on, this time one that just covered from your nose up. The only thing showing was your mouth. But you could still see. 

Your managers and producer had explained that by the next comeback you would be revealed if all worked out. You were excited, showing this much of your face was a step. Which meant you wouldn’t need to hide as much anymore. 

You really didn’t expect your theory to gain as much traction as it had. 

Soon, you were on an interview show after your comeback, all eight of you sitting together watching and waiting. 

“So there is a theory?” The interviewer asked. You looked over from your seat, your mask still covering your face as you looked at MInji who was laughing at the question. 

“We really didn’t think anyone would question it. It’s really just something fun I do with Miki.” Minji explained. 

“Yes, we have fun thinking of things together.” You answered. 

“So is there anything new we can learn about the hidden member? We know that now you are really starting to branch out as a vocalist.” He smiled. “As of right now, we know you are the smallest member.” He chuckled. “And you have a pet hedgehog.” He added. 

“Um…” You looked at the other girls who shrugged their shoulders. 

“I think Miki is actually taller than Sua…” Gahyeon answered quietly. 

“She is not.” Sua gasped. 

“We could measure right now.” The interviewer stated. 

After a few minutes, you were both shoeless and standing back to back. Siyeon stood in front of you, giggling about the height difference. It was clear that you were a whole inch taller than her now. 

“How do we not notice this?!” Bora gawked. 

“We live with her.” Dami laughed. “My turn. Let’s see how tall she is.” She stood with her back to you, and everyone let out a gasp. It was very close. So close, the interviewer had to get a ruler. 

“Dami is taller by two centimeters.” He explained while holding the ruler up to both of you. 

“Next time.” You pointed at her, giggling slightly. 

You felt better after filming and promotions were over. You were getting ready to go back to school, deciding that maybe you would find a new routine for yourself when you had gotten back to the dorm. Yes, you liked your routine now, but now there was no comeback to prepare for. The older girls were going to participate in a show while you were left to just go to school for the semester.

You did your best in school, trying your hardest to focus on everything going on around you when you really just hated being in math class. You had two courses. One that was for normal kids and the other for help. You groaned at the thought of showing up to two classes that you just dreaded the thought entirely. 

“It can’t be that bad,” Yeojin muttered as she looked over your grade sheet. “Oh, it’s bad.” She chuckled. 

“I just don’t understand why I’m really bad at math…” You grumbled. 

“Have you always been bad at math?” She asked. 

“Yes.” You muttered. “Now they have to have a meeting with my guardian, do you know how hard that is for me right now?” You frowned. 

“Who is your guardian? My parents could still show up, but yours… Yours can’t.” She whispered. 

“I don’t know… And I’m really afraid to find out.”


	12. Twelve

You had called your mother, she had told the company that she trusted Siyeon’s parents the most since she was more in contact with them rather than anyone else. You groaned as you held onto the documents your mother had sent you through email, ready to hand them over to Siyeon’s parents when they arrived. You sat in front of the teacher’s office, your leg bouncing as you waited. 

You couldn’t help but wonder why your mother had kept in frequent contact with Siyeon’s parents. She couldn’t speak Korean, so it really didn’t make sense. She sounded like she was getting sick on the phone, and it worried you. You asked her if she had been resting and she told you she was fine and to continue. That she would visit you for the holidays. 

“Y/N?” A woman’s voice called out to you. You looked up, seeing a woman who looked nearly identical to Siyeon walk up to you. “You’ve grown up a little last time I’ve seen you.” She chuckled. 

“I’m sorry.” You immediately whispered. 

“Don’t be sorry. Everyone struggles with something.” She explained. 

“Here are the papers my mom told me to give you.” You handed her the papers and watched her pull out a folder. You didn’t understand what they had meant, all of it way above your reading comprehension level. 

“Thank you. Now, let’s get this meeting over with.” She smiled as she walked in with you. 

The meeting wasn’t entirely too bad, your teacher expressing concern that you would be in danger of failing if you didn’t try harder. You explained that it was very confusing for you to learn math this way, saying that all of it didn’t make sense to you. After checking your grades, math really was the only one that didn’t make sense. 

“You’re already in an extra help class?” Your teacher asked. 

“Yes. And I still don’t understand it.” You frowned. 

“Could it be a language barrier?” Siyeon’s mother asked you. 

“No, I’ve always been bad at math.” You answered quietly. 

“We’ll work on her math grade…” Her mother whispered. “I’m sure you understand her situation.” She stated calmly. 

“I understand that she’s a trainee and needs to have a little more time with things, but that doesn’t give her a right to slack off either.” Your teacher frowned. 

“Y/N-ah, can you step outside for a moment.” Siyeon’s mother asked you. You nodded your head, walking out of the office, and shut the door behind you. 

You heard mumbling, but not enough to understand. You pulled out your phone to see a text from Siyeon asking how everything was going. You had replied to her saying that you thought it was fine, but you didn’t know. 

“Okay, I will take you to the company.” You looked up to see her mother walking out.

“What.” You frowned. 

“I’m taking you to the company. It was the agreement I made with your managers.” She stated. “Come on.” You hurried behind her, walking in silence as you held onto your bag. 

“I don’t have a change of clothes…” You whispered. 

“Siyeonie has your bag. You’ll change there.” She explained. 

The car ride was silent and slightly awkward as you listened to the radio the entire way there. 

“Are you excited for the tour at the end of the year?” She asked you, trying to start a conversation. 

“Yes. I think it’ll be fun.” You nodded. “I hope I can perform well.” You added. 

“Good.” She smiled. “Your mother is coming to visit soon. Excited for that?” She asked you. 

“Yes. I haven’t seen my mom in very long.” You smiled. You loved your mom. Loved her more than words could even comprehend. 

The rest of the trip was set in silence, you decided to look out the window and just enjoy the quiet. When you got to the company you hurried through, Siyeon’s mother right behind you as you turned on your heel to the practice room. You peeked inside and opened the door, seeing everyone already there. 

“Your bag is in the changing room.” Siyeon pointed to the small connected room. You hurried over, ignoring the odd feeling that surrounded the girls. After you changed, you walked out to only see Gahyeon and Handong in the practice room. 

“Where did everyone go?” You asked them. 

“They went for a meeting. We already had the meeting with the managers so we stayed here to be with you.” Gahyeon explained. 

“Don’t I need to know?” You asked them. 

“You will.” Dong sighed. 

They came back twenty minutes later, all of them looking a little disheveled. You frowned when you saw Siyeon’s solemn expression. You couldn’t help but think that you were disbanding. For some reason, the feeling just crept into your mind. Siyeon’s mom stayed off to the side as everyone sat on the floor next to you. 

“What is going on?” You whispered. 

“Y/N…” Your head manager started. “Your mother is very sick.” He frowned. 

“Yes, I know.” You frowned. 

“She isn’t doing better.” He continued. You immediately shook your head, not wanting to hear what he had to say. “We are having her come down to visit you if her condition is stable. But we wanted to let you know now before you saw your mother in the state she is in.” He explained. 

“The Lee family has already reached out to your mother about where you would go in the event of… Your mother passing.” He sighed. It was clear that it was a tough conversation, and you really didn’t know what to say at the time. 

“Lee family?” You looked to three of your members, unsure of which one until Siyeon raised her hand. 

“My parents.” She whispered. 

“I would go with them?” You asked your manager. 

“Yes, they’ve already begun the legal paperwork since your debut.” He explained. 

“My mother has been sick for a whole year and no one told me?” You felt tears building and didn’t know what to do. You felt a hand on your back, looking over you saw Dong rubbing your back gently. 

You were excused from practice, watching them instead of participating. It was all things you had already known, so it wasn’t too much different. Siyeon’s mother sat with you, giving you some sort of comfort. When everyone was on a break, you left the practice room, choosing to find somewhere quiet. 

You found the stairwell again, choosing to sit there and cry. After a few minutes, you heard a door open and footsteps as the door shut. 

“Y/N-ie?” You looked over to see Siyeon’s mother again. “I know everything is a shock right now.” She sighed as she sat next to you. 

“No one told me anything… I thought my mom was doing well.” You whispered. 

“It was really a shock when she told us. She told us she was battling cancer while you were a trainee. That was why she wanted you to go and chase your dream. She wanted to see it come true before she died.” She explained to you. “When she told us when we met her, I didn’t want to let you be taken from anything… So my husband and I worked together with her.” She added. 

You listened to her explain everything, allowing yourself to cry. You really hated the world. No matter how lucky you had been with this, your family had never been lucky. You just wished you had stayed with her now instead of going out to chase your dreams.


	13. Thirteen

2017 October

You walked through the lobby of the giant hotel, watching as so many groups wandered through. You didn’t need to bother with a face mask since most of these people were either trainees or didn’t care about you enough to find out who you were. 

“Y/N?” You heard a male voice call out. You turned your head, immediately recognizing one of your friends from your trainee days who had debuted under a different company. 

“Oppa!” You screamed as you ran to him. He immediately picked you up, carrying you with ease. 

“Did you debut yet?” He asked. 

“Nope.” You lied. 

“You will.” He smiled. “Eventually at least.” He chuckled. “Takes time.” He set you back down, before smiling. “You’ve grown.” He muttered. 

“Yeah, I’m really tall now.” You chuckled. 

You stayed close to him until you had found your members. You quickly said goodbye before running off to greet Siyeon and Bora. You tackled Bora in a tight hug, earning a loud laugh from the smaller, but older girl. 

“Look who’s out of school.” Siyeon chuckled. 

“Did you do well on your test?” Bora asked you. 

“Yeah, I only missed two questions.” You shrugged your shoulders. 

“Good.” She smiled. 

You stuck by Siyeon, mainly because Bora was busy as were Dami, Minji, and Yoohyeon. The older girl held onto your hand as she went over her own sheet music, waiting for her turn. A few other groups would look at the two of you, some giving odd looks, others whispering. 

“Why are you holding her hand?” You looked up to see another female idol talking to Siyeon. 

“My sister gets lost in big venues like this,” Siyeon explained casually. You looked at her with confusion, you got lost once and it was game over for you. 

“Sister? You’re Siyeon’s sister?” The girl scoffed, laughing slightly at the end. 

“Yeah, she is. Do you have a problem with that?” Siyeon asked her. The girl took a step back, not wanting to upset her further. You watched as she left, leaving you two alone. “I can’t stand her.” She muttered. 

“Why?” You frowned. 

“She thinks just because she’s from a bigger company she can be a bitch.” She muttered before covering her mouth at her wording. “You don’t repeat that.” She pointed. 

“Repeat what?” You teased her. She rolled her eyes, before pushing you playfully. 

“I regret getting a younger sister.” She complained. 

When it came time for Siyeon’s turn, you were left alone, but in the watchful eye of your male friends that were scattered all throughout the giant room. You had gone missing to the girls, but you were protected and safe. 

“Look at her. She’s adorable.” You heard a few girls talking in the next group over. You looked over, seeing them pointing at you and smiling. You gave them a smile before waving at them. You were so happy to be a hidden member. You literally hid in plain sight. It helped that you were small too. Just an inch smaller than Siyeon, but still small enough. 

“Yah! We’ve been looking for you!” You looked up to see Minji and Yoohyeon standing next to your little group. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Your friends asked them. 

“We were looking for our m-” Minji covered Yoohyeon’s mouth before she could finish. 

“Our menace.” Minji chuckled. “Siyeon told us to keep an eye on her sister and she just keeps wandering off.” She added. 

“I’ve been here for almost an hour.” You frowned. Minji raised her eyebrow at you, wondering how in the world you had slipped under their radar for that long. 

You had gotten the attention of a few idols and trainees, all of them cooing over how adorable you were to them and how you interacted with others. You had run into a few of Yeojin’s members, greeting them with a smile when you recognized them. 

“You’re Y/N?” Heejin, one of her members, had asked. 

“Yes.” You smiled. 

You were happy to meet them, happy to have more friends as you continued to wander around. Eventually, it was time to leave and you bounded back over to Siyeon, finding her almost instantly when Bora had shouted your name. 

“Did you have fun?” Siyeon asked you as she held onto your hand. 

“Yes. I met lots of people.” You smiled. 

The ride back was quiet, everyone tired from their adventures. You had gotten a text from your old friends asking where you had gone. You explained that you were needed back at the company, and they all wanted you to stay in touch. You explained that you would try, and they were approving of that answer.

“Who were you talking to?” Siyeon asked. “When you had gone missing.” She added. 

“Remember those guys that left the company when nothing was happening?” You asked her. She nodded her head, looking at you for further explanation. “They were my friends.” You smiled. “I didn’t know they were there.” You added. 

With your tour fast approaching, you counted the days until your mother came to visit. You hoped that she would be okay, nothing had changed and your managers kept you in the loop. Everything seemed perfectly okay for her to visit. You just had to go through your days first. 

Your routine was simple during your break, school, dorm, homework. The closer it got to tour, it was school, practice, dorm then homework. Somewhere in between there you had found time for dinner and playing with Button, but besides that, you really had no time for anything else. 

Which had made you happy. You felt content with your routine and found ease with it. You loved it entirely.


	14. Fourteen

2017 November

You sat with your mother, in the living room. You didn’t dare say anything horrible to her. You knew she had her reasons, and you were still upset, but you couldn’t hold a grudge against her for not wanting you to know about her suffering. She knew you would’ve given up your dreams to be with her. 

At least this way you were taken care of. You were making money for yourself and were able to find a family this way. 

“You’re preparing for a tour soon.” Your mother whispered. 

“Yes.” You answered her. 

“I understand you have a pet?” She asked you. You nodded. “Can I see it?” She asked. You nodded again, getting up to go to your shared room. When you walked in, Yoohyeon sat up, startled at your sudden entrance. She watched you retrieve your hedgehog before walking back out to your mother. 

“This is Button.” You whispered. 

“Button?” She asked you, making sure she had heard you correctly. 

“Yes.” You smiled, holding him out for her to look at. “He doesn’t do much. But I love him a lot.” You explained. 

“He is like you.” She chuckled. “Very sharp and soft.” Your mother continued to laugh until she led herself into a coughing fit. It worried you, so you slid Button into your pocket as you held her hand. “I’m alright.” She whispered. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked her. 

“I didn’t want to worry you.” She sighed. “I knew it would hurt you and you would want to go home. I couldn’t let that happen.” She gave you a tired smile, allowing you to feel somewhat okay. 

Truth be told, you weren’t okay. You couldn’t even begin to be okay. 

Those few days you spent with your mother meant everything to you. You made sure to take lots of photos with her on your phone, happy and smiling. You made sure to have her try one of your absolute favorite foods before she had left too. 

“It’s delicious.” You chuckled as you watched Bora cook. 

“It’s really nothing.” Bora laughed as she plated the dish, setting it in front of your mother. “I really don’t know why she likes it so much.” She shrugged. 

“You cook this for her?” Her mother asked before taking a bite of the noodles. 

“I talked her through it from what I could remember.” You whispered. 

“It tastes very good.” Your mother was shocked that Bora was able to recreate one of her own recipes.

“My mom gives it five stars.” You told her. You watched as Bora did a little happy dance. “It’s one of her recipes.” You explained to her. “That’s why I love it so much.” You continued. 

You didn’t see it, but Bora’s face had softened when you looked at your mother. She really had no idea that was why you had walked her through it instead of finding some recipe on the internet. Why you were so keen on making it with her instead of just asking her if she could and walking away. 

After your mother had left, you had begun to pack your bags for your first tour. You really didn’t want to say goodbye to your mother, but you had to and everything just seemed very bittersweet. 

“You’ll take care of him really well?” You frowned as you held Button’s cage in your hands. 

A pit stop before the airport. Dropping off Button with Siyeon’s parents for them to take care of him while you toured. 

“Yes, we promise to take very good care of him.” Siyeon’s dad smiled as he took the cage from you. “Um… Where is he?” He asked while looking in the cage. You reached into your pocket, pulling out your best friend who was wrapped in a washcloth since it was snowing already. 

“Oh.” Siyeon’s mother chuckled. 

“Here.” You opened his cage, putting your little round friend in his cage for safekeeping. “He likes to be carried in this cloth. Please don’t wash it. I don’t want him to forget what I smell like.” You whispered. “And here is his schedule.” You handed over a folded piece of paper to her as well as the folded cloth. “His needles come off too. So don’t worry too much about that.” You added. 

“So much care for a little thing.” Siyeon’s dad chuckled. 

“He’s her best friend and her baby,” Siyeon smirked. “Come on, they’re waiting downstairs.” She whispered. You turned to look at her, nodding to acknowledge what she had said before bidding your best friend goodbye until you got back. 

“Thank you.” You hugged Siyeon’s mother tightly before heading off. 

“Text us when you get to the airport, and when you get there safely!” Her mother called out. “Both of you!” She called out. 

“We will!” Siyeon called back, waving at them as the two of you left. 

Halfway to the airport, your phone vibrated, causing you to look at the message from Siyeon’s mother already. You opened it up, seeing a picture message of Button already curled up in his cage next to the couch in the living room. You smiled as you showed Siyeon who let out a small laugh. 

“He is going to watch so much tv.” She chuckled. 

“He likes tv.” You muttered as you saved the photo to your albums. 

When you got to the airport, after all of the pictures and security you pulled out your phone, texting Siyeon’s mother that you were walking to the gate. As soon as you pocketed your phone you felt a hand wrap around yours. 

“Ready?” You looked up and saw Siyeon, so you gave her another nod. “Then let’s go!” She chuckled. 

By the time you boarded the plane, you were exhausted. Everything was just too much and you just wanted to sleep. You sat on the plane next to Dami who had just put on earphones and pulled out a book. You had a little bag of things to keep you occupied, but you were anxious. You looked across the way and saw Siyeon already scrolling on her phone. 

“Unnie.” You frowned as you reached out for her hand. 

“I’m right here.” She whispered before holding your hand. “Should’ve switched with Dami.” She chuckled. 

“Yeah…” You muttered.


	15. Fifteen

2017 December 

You didn’t know exactly how it had worked out, but you had gotten to share a room with Siyeon and Yoohyeon and that was all you really cared about. You didn’t mind sharing a room with anyone else but out of everyone, you really just wanted someone you absolutely trusted just in case you had another nightmare or anything else. 

You were given the day to set yourselves up before you had to perform the next day. You were feeling the major effects of jet lag as you set yourself up for the next few days. As you set your things up, you noticed that you had forgotten to pack the most essential thing. Your night light. You panicked as you searched through, trying to find it. 

“You already made a mess.” Siyeon frowned when she walked back out of the bathroom. Yoohyeon looked up from her bed, seeing your clothes everywhere. 

“I can’t find my night light.” You muttered. 

“Did you pack it?” Yoohyeon asked you as she knelt down to help you look through your suitcase. 

“I thought I did. I put it on top of Button’s cage so I wouldn’t forget.” You explained. “But I… I must’ve forgotten it.” You felt yourself almost begin to panic when you realized you more than likely had forgotten it on your nightstand back home. 

“Do you need it?” Siyeon asked you. When you had looked up at her with your sad eyes, you had no idea what she was going to say next. 

“N-No.” You lied. Yoohyeon gave you a look of concern, knowing the nights you spent fighting Bora on keeping the nightlight and keeping it on throughout the night. Just the night before you had slept with it on. Heck, you didn’t even sleep well on the plane because it was so dark. 

“Are you sure?” Yoohyeon asked you. You nodded your head slowly, trying not to sound too much like a baby. 

That night as you got ready, you curled up on your side of the bed, choosing to share with Siyeon since the other bed was smaller. It was fine until you heard Yoohyeon say she was going to turn off the light. It was dark for a few seconds before Siyeon turned on her lamp that was next to her bed. 

“Not ready for bed yet.” She chuckled quietly as she dug in her suitcase. “Do you really think you can sleep without your night light?” She asked you. You nodded your head, watching as she looked around the hotel room. She found the desk lamp and turned it on before walking back to the lamp next to your bed. When she turned off the lamp she smiled. “There. Is that okay?” She asked. 

“I don’t need it…” You muttered. 

“Okay, so I’ll just turn it off then.” She smirked as she walked over to the desk lamp. 

“Please no.” You whimpered. 

“Thought so.” She chuckled as she walked back. After a few minutes, she was climbing into the bed, phone in hand as she scrolled through her own private social media accounts. You laid on your back, trying to find a way to fall asleep at this point. You had a night light, but you were in a new place. A new country. Everything was foreign, quite literally, and you didn’t like it. 

Some nights, you wished you were back in the company dorm, a bed you were used to, and had a space to call your own. On worse nights, you wished you were back home with your mom, sleeping in the living room while she had her own room. You didn’t mind sleeping out there as your house was small. You got to watch the stars at night, seeing the different nocturnal animals that lived in your yard. 

Some nights, you really wished you were back home. You wished you were back home taking care of your mom and eating her food and just embracing her presence. Not like this. Not so far away from her where you had to count hours to make sure she was awake or if she was asleep. 

“Y/N?” You were pulled out of your thoughts when you looked at the older girl that was sitting in the bed next to you. She didn’t say anything except wipe the few tears that had let themselves fall while you were trapped in your own head. 

“Why do your parents want me in your family?” You asked her, your voice was quiet. It was something you had thought about but never gave it too much thought. You never had time to really think anymore. 

“Well…” Siyeon sighed. “They know you. They know you need a family.” She shrugged. “I think they saw how we interacted and thought it would be best for you since it already seemed like you had trusted me with your own world.” She added. 

“But why?” You asked quietly. 

“I don’t know why… But I know that I would really love to have you as my little sister.” Siyeon smiled. “You know if you want to be a part of my family of course.” 

“I get an option?” You asked. 

“Well yeah, you’re old enough. Just, they wanted to get the upper hand against the country if it came down to that. They really love you Y/N-ah.” She whispered. 

“I want you to be my older sister too.” You whispered. She gave you a bigger smile, pulling you close to her as she continued to scroll on her phone. 

“Lee Y/N-ah. Sounds good.” She chuckled. 

“Ew.” You mocked. 

“Shut up.” Siyeon laughed.


	16. Sixteen

2017 December

To say your very first concert was an amazing experience… It would have honestly been a downplay of how it exactly felt. You had no words to even explain how loud the venue was, or even how amazing it had felt. It was almost as if you felt something you really had never felt in your entire life before. It was phenomenal and beyond words. 

You were still a hidden member to the fans, so when it came to fan meets, you had to be careful. You sat at the table with the girls, waiting for your turn as the fans went down the line. You were sandwiched between Bora and Siyeon, waiting for the first fan to meet you. They had heard you speak before and had definitely heard you sing as you had gotten more lines with the most recent comeback. 

“Hi.” A fan greeted you quickly as he sat down. 

“Hello.” You smiled at him. 

“So you can’t tell us anything?” He asked. 

“Nope.” You answered, chuckling slightly. 

“So if I asked you what your favorite color was…” He frowned. You looked at Siyeon who shrugged her shoulders. You glanced at your managers who gave you a nod of approval. 

“I don’t really have a favorite color.” You chuckled as you signed his album. “I like all the colors.” You shrugged. 

“You really don’t have a favorite color?” Siyeon chuckled. 

“Nope. Maybe silver…” You muttered as you thought about it more. 

Every fan was about the same. Each of them asking nearly the same questions. You had to be vague about everything, given you were a hidden member. It wasn’t until you were taking questions as a group that the questions became more and more personal. 

“How old is the hidden member?!” Someone shouted after being called on. 

“Ten.” Siyeon laughed. You hit her arm, watching as the group broke out into laughter. You were nearly as tall as she was and you did not look like a ten year old. 

“We can’t say.” Minji chuckled. 

“How long will she be a hidden member?” Another person asked. 

“We don’t know actually,” Bora answered. “We just wait until our boss says so.” She chuckled. 

“Yup.” You agreed quietly. 

It was back and forth for a while. You were having a great time until the end. You were busy helping your managers clean up when you heard someone shout that you were the most unwanted member. All of your members looked up at the remark, each one scanning the crowd for whoever shouted it. 

“Mikyong, come on.” Your manager whispered, holding her hand out for you. You immediately took it and were escorted off the little stage, going to the rooms backstage. You took off your mask, turning to look at her with worry. 

You hid into yourself, not wanting to really talk to her. She tried to show you things to take your mind off what was said, but you couldn’t help it. You weren’t an idiot. You saw the comments online, most of them were intrigued at the idea of a hidden member. But the ones that had stuck by you were the ones that tore you down. 

Hate comments just poured on the internet. Some had that you were faking your singing. Your dancing was horrible and that was why you were in the back of the girls for stage performances, only showing for brief seconds because you were terrible. The worst was someone saying the company probably pitied you and you were a charity case. 

You never told anyone that you had seen the comments, choosing to stay silent when you had seen your members already dealing with Gahyeon’s hate comments. You didn’t want to burden them with your issues. They already had enough on their plate. 

After your second concert, you decided to pack your suitcase, only leaving out the bare essentials for tomorrow so you could sleep in. You climbed into the bed, checking your phone to see a text from Siyeon’s mom. You clicked on it, seeing a picture of Button lounging in his food dish. You smiled as you saved it, making it your lock screen before sending it to your mother. 

“You already changed for bed?” You looked up at the sound of Yoohyeon’s voice, seeing her walk into the room holding a little bag in her hands. 

“Yeah. I don’t want to do it tomorrow.” You answered her before putting your phone on charge and going back to your side of the bed. 

“Are you going to bed?” She asked you. 

“Yeah… Just really tired.” You muttered before rolling over to face the wall. 

You didn’t fall asleep fast, so you heard everything. You heard Siyeon walk in, giggling about something and being a little too loud. 

“Y/N-ah is sleeping.” Yoohyeon’s voice was quiet. 

“Is she really? She told me she wanted to play some games before bed earlier.” Siyeon sounded upset. 

“I think she’s just tired from today.” 

“Do you think it’s because of what happened?” 

You decided to try and ignore them after that. You didn’t want them to worry. You really didn’t like them worrying over you. They already had so much to worry about with you just going to school and passing math. 

The next week and a half were a blur. You didn’t really remember much, you just knew that you had to wake up and get on the plane early. You were the first one to wake up in your room, choosing to meet Gahyeon out in the hallway with Dami. The three of you were the youngest, yet most responsible members when it came to time management. At least you and Dami were. 

The three of you sat in the little breakfast area, eating a small breakfast before you had to leave. 

“Do you think it’s going to be cold when we go back?” You asked quietly. 

“Weather says so.” Dami sighed as she checked her phone. “Looks like it snowed yesterday.” She added. 

“Gross.” Gahyeon chuckled. 

“I don’t think I want to share a room with Bora and Yoohyeon anymore.” You muttered. 

“Why?” Gahyeon frowned. 

“I just think we would have the better room. The three of us.” You stated plainly. “We’re normal compared to them.” You chuckled. 

“She has a point.” Dami laughed with you. “We should ask them. See if they would let us.” She smirked. 

“I like my bed though…” Gahyeon pouted. 

“Would you let me sleep with a night light?” You asked them. 

“Of course.” Dami and Gahyeon both said in unison. 

“Then we should ask.” You smiled. “What are they going to say? No?” You chuckled.


	17. Seventeen

2018 January

You had sat in the window seat for the entire ride home. This time sitting next to Bora. You kept to yourself, deciding to read one of Dami’s books she had lent you beforehand. You were always curious as to what she was reading, and now you knew. You didn’t know she was into a lot of things that you had liked before. 

The only problem was, you struggled with reading still. You did your best, but there were a lot of words you didn’t know still. Even when you used context clues you were still clueless as to what the word could be. You glanced over at Bora, seeing her shuffling through her songs on her phone. You debated on asking her, going through the mental struggle of bothering someone for help for five straight minutes before tapping her arm. 

“Hm?” She pulled out one of her earbuds, looking at you. 

“I don’t know this word.” You said as you pointed at the word you were struggling with. Bora took the book from your hands, reading the sentence before telling you what the word was and how it was being used. You muttered a small thank you before going back to your book. Only for you to get stuck two paragraphs later. You ended up putting your bookmark in the book and shutting it before choosing to stare out the window. 

“I didn’t know you liked to read,” Bora said quietly. 

“Sometimes.” You answered without looking at her.

“What’s your favorite book?” She asked. 

“I liked Harry Potter.” You whispered. “I never saw the movies. Only read the books.” You heard her let out a small gasp before you looked over at her. “What?” You frowned. 

“You’ve never seen the movies?” She asked you. You shook your head and immediately watched her look at her phone. “We will marathon them when we get back. It takes twenty-four hours. Can you handle that?” She asked you. 

“I have school.” You turned your attention back towards the window, staring at the clouds that passed under and near you. You didn’t see the hurt that was on her face when you had declined her offer. 

If a random fan had to guess who your friends were in the group, they would have assumed Gahyeon. Only because of how you two interacted in public. You were both clingy to one another and were very adorable. Even with your face covering. 

If someone from the group had to guess, they would’ve guessed Minji, Siyeon, or Handong. 

“Who is Mikyong closest to in the group?” An interviewer asked your group. 

“All of us?” Minji asked, looking around at everyone.

“I think she’s really close with Dong,” Yoohyeon answered. “You two dormed together in the company didn’t you?” She asked. 

“Yes,” Dong answered. “We shared a dorm and we both attended the same classes.” She smiled. 

You had continued on, every day something new or something boring. You didn’t know. You barely had gotten yourself registered for school again when it was announced for another tour and comeback. Your managers had brought it up, smiling when they released the dates at your meeting. 

Only, you weren’t going on the European tour. 

That same night you had gotten a visit from Siyeon’s parents, both of them sitting you down in the living room to tell you your mother had passed. You didn’t know what to do, say, or even how to act with that news. You just started crying after the initial shock of it all. 

Dong and Dami were the only ones in the dorm at the time, both of them rushing out of their rooms to check on why you were crying the way you were. 

You watched them all pack their bags, each one feeling terrible for leaving you behind. They knew they couldn’t just give up their own lives for you. You didn’t want them to cancel either. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Siyeon asked. 

“Yeah…” You sniffed. 

You hadn’t stopped crying really. You only slept and cried. It took everything out of Bora to drag you out of bed just to drink water without any issues. You didn’t see the pain and worry behind her eyes every time she had to drag you out of bed just to force something down your throat before she left for practice. The worried looks she would give you when she would wake up in the middle of the night to hear you crying in your bed. 

Everyone was worried to some extent. Of course, some more than others, but you were their baby in a way. Their little light. You were their go-to person when they needed a distraction because you were the best at it. 

But now, you were so far away from them, it didn’t sit right with them. They knew you needed time to process everything, to grieve your mother. But they also wanted you to be safe, happy, and have people to talk to. Not be within yourself. 

“Y/N-ah, come on.” Siyeon’s mother whispered. “We have to get to the airport.” She said as she shook you gently awake. 

After the initial shock of it all, you had packed your suitcases and Button. You were staying at their house while the rest of the group went on tour. You didn’t like it, but at the same time, you knew it would affect your work if you even tried. 

Your comeback had been delayed as well. The company chose to give you time to get back to yourself rather than focusing on pushing out music. They wanted to make sure you were prepared for the comeback. Especially since you were going to be making very big headway. Your voice was growing more mature and you were given more lines to match with Siyeon instead of the little lines you were given from the beginning. 

“I’m awake.” You whispered to her, rolling over to show that you had been awake for a very long time. You had bags under your eyes, your face was puffy, and your eyes were red from how much you were crying that night. 

After she helped you put eye drops in your eyes to help get rid of the redness, you were left to get yourself ready. You packed a little bag, only going to be staying in Hong Kong long enough to settle everything. You really didn’t want to be there. 

The only best part about the entire thing, no one knew who you were still. You were a hidden member and still looked normal. You didn’t need to stop for photos or anything. It almost felt like you were normal, which made you smile. Being with Siyeon’s parents almost made you feel normal as you went through security. You waited for her, immediately grabbing her hand as the three of you went to find your gate. 

“Do you think the girls are having fun?” You asked her, your voice was quiet. 

“I believe they are.” She answered. 

“And Button is safe?” You whispered. 

“Yes, Button is safe.” 

“Okay…” You didn’t know how to even act. You felt numb. Everything felt numb.


	18. Eighteen

2018 February

You had help with the funeral. You cried a lot during that time and refused to say anything to anyone who had shown up. Her parents finalized all of the documents needed while you had gone through the little house your mother had rented. The landlord knew your family well and had promised to keep everything there until you had gone through it. You really only took the pictures and a few other things. 

Your old area was exactly how you had left it. You had outgrown most of the things that were there, clothes, toys, everything. You had found your old stuffed goat, one that your grandmother had gotten you for your first Lunar New Year. You hugged it tightly, trying not to think of the terrible things that came with being a goat. She would always tell you to never be a follower and never let others lead you away. To find your own happiness. 

And you had. You found your happiness in your little group and loved it. But you saw how unlucky your own zodiac was. You had sacrificed your own childhood to become an idol, and you lost your mother in the process. 

“This palace is so tiny…” You heard Siyeon’s father whispered. 

“We only had one room and the bathroom.” You explained as you pointed down the little hallway. 

You watched as they went through everything, finding pictures since that was the one thing you had wanted most. You put everything you had wanted in a box and had shipped it back home. Your pictures of you as a baby, some of your mother’s old clothes that you loved, her recipe book, and some of her jewelry you had placed in the box to be shipped back. Everything else was going to be sold to the public per your landlord’s instruction. 

After everything was settled you made your way back home after four days. 

You packed your school bag quietly, everything just felt odd. You were still numb as you clipped the little keychain you had gotten in Hong Kong to your backpack. Everything just felt wrong. 

You made the walk to school, this time longer since you had to take the bus. You listened to music the entire way there, just thinking about how horrible your day was going to be. Until you ran into your best friend. 

“Y/N! These are my members, Hyejoo and Yerim.” Yeojin beamed. You had vaguely recalled her explaining them, and since you were now in high school, you were able to finally meet them. You greeted them with a small hello, happy to meet them. “What did you do over break?” She asked you. 

“We released a song for our one-year anniversary.” You explained to her. You watched as the other two’s eyes widened at your words. “Do they not know?” You whispered. 

“Oh! You have to keep this secret.” Yeojin whispered. “Y/N is Dreamcatcher’s hidden member.” 

“No way.” Yerim gasped. 

“I am.” You chuckled nervously. 

“How can we tell you aren’t lying?” Hyejoo asked. You pulled out your phone, opening your Instagram app. You logged out of your own personal account before logging into the group’s Instagram. You showed them what you had access to, watching them gasp in response. 

“We’re going to debut later this year.” Yerim smiled. 

“Told you we could be idol friends.” You smirked while nudging Yeojin with your elbow. The smaller girl puffed up her cheeks, shaking her head at your remark. 

“What else did you do?” She asked you. 

“Um… I went back home for a few days… I… My mom died.” You answered quietly. The three girls let out a gasp, all of them instantly hugging you as you let a few tears slip. After a few minutes, they had let go of you, all of them asking what you would do now. 

“You only had your mom, are you going back home?” Yeojin asked. 

“No, Siyeon’s parents adopted me. So, now I have them as my family.” You explained the entire thing, how it had been an entire process since last year to figure it out. By then, the three of you were walking to your classes, bidding each other goodbye until lunch. 

Your days were spent going to school, and going home to do homework. Living with a new family was odd, especially since you had been used to the dorm for a very long time. Siyeon’s mother would make all sorts of good food for you, watching your face light up whenever you had just the perfect bite. 

You had more time to spend with Button, which was amazing. You and him bonded to the absolute max. You even made him a little party hat on your birthday. You were given a few things, a gift from Yeojin, which was a new phone case that had been custom. It was a photo collage of pictures of you and Button. Which you immediately put on the second you saw it. Your new parents had given you a few new shirts that you could wear, given you were still growing. What really made it all the better was that on your birthday, the package you had sent from home had arrived. 

You sat on the floor going through the pictures and everything. You were in the middle of going through photos when you had gotten a call. You reached down to pick it up, seeing Siyeon’s name on the caller ID. 

“What time is it there?” You immediately asked her. 

“That’s how you greet your sister?” Siyeon gasped. 

“Answer my question!” You groaned. 

“I just woke up, it’s nine in the morning.” She answered. 

“Ew.” You chuckled. “How is the tour?” You asked her. 

“It’s good. Wish you could’ve come. Everyone is asking where you went. We told them there was a family emergency and you wouldn’t be able to make the tour.” She explained. “By the way, happy birthday!” She exclaimed. 

“Thank you.” You heard someone else shout the same phrase, giggling when you realized it was Gahyeon. 

“Everyone else is probably going to call you.” Siyeon chuckled. 

“Maybe.” You muttered. 

“You eat a good dinner?” She asked. 

“Mhm. Your mom made lots of food.” You answered. You heard a small sigh from her, but you chose to ignore it. You knew she was legally your mom too now, but it felt weird to you to just jump into it. 

“Good. You should get some sleep soon. I know you have a lot of things planned.” She whispered. 

“Yeah… I’ll sleep eventually.” You muttered. 

You had gone to bed hours later, only to be pulled from your sleep at the sound of your phone going off. You blindly reached for it and answered the call. 

“Hello?” You answered, your voice still heavy with sleep. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” A few people shouted, instantly waking you up. 

“I told you not to call her! Do you not know what time it is?!” You heard Siyeon shout. 

“Thank you.” You muttered before hanging up. You let out a sleepy laugh as you put your phone back on the nightstand next to your bed. You had some crazy friends.


	19. Nineteen

2018 April

You had been going to therapy at the thought of your new mother. She didn’t think you would get entirely better unless you had someone or something to vent to. You had been going for about a month now, and you felt a little bit better about your life. You had been prescribed a medication to help you sleep better since you had a multitude of nightmares that plagued your thoughts in the daytime as well as at night. 

“Y/N-ah! We never see you!” Hyejoo exclaimed when you had run to catch up with them after school. 

“I know.” You groaned. “We’re preparing for a comeback and I’m so tired.” You complained. 

“Wanna give us spoilers?” Yerim chuckled. 

“I can’t do that. I don’t want to be like Yoohyeon unnie.” You joked. 

You tried your best to spend time with your friends, and it was starting to become near impossible when you had scheduled comebacks. They were beginning to go into preparations for their own while you were already on your fourth comeback. 

During filming, you worked on your homework, or you would find little time to get some kind of rest. 

“Miki, what are you doing?” You opened your eyes at the sound of Bora’s voice, pulling you from sleep. 

“Sleeping.” You muttered before trying to wake yourself up to more. You really didn’t know where you were at first, frowning when you looked at the older girl as she laughed at you. 

“We’re filming” She laughed. 

“Oh!” You sleepily laughed. 

You had gone through the entire week just tired. You slept at night but the exhaustion was slowly creeping up to you as you were focusing on your studies as you worked. You felt exhausted, almost too tired to entirely function.

When it came time for the music video to be released, you were a little shocked that people were still unsure of who you were. You giggled at the comments, people saying how much you had grown compared to the others in certain shots. You still had a face covering for the music video, and if you paid attention, you could see right through it. 

“Okay! First performance with Y/N of the week!” Your manager smiled. “Tonight is actually a very special performance.” he further explained. 

“Why?” Minji asked. 

“We are revealing Y/N on stage.” He answered. 

“What?!” You gasped. 

It was all planned. The choreo matched perfectly in the music video, but instead of the video playing a clip that led into your next comeback, it would be on stage where Bora rips your face covering off. 

You worked with stylists who were able to get the coverage on and in place for while you danced, but loose enough for Bora to be able to just grab as she went on the floor. 

Let’s be honest, you were terrified. 

You were going to be the center of attention this week. After you were revealed, there was no going back. 

As you performed, your heart raced in your chest as the seconds ticked onto the timing. As soon as you heard the ending music, you felt a tug on your face covering, almost as if it was slow motion. Your covering was now in Bora’s hand while you stood, staring at the audience with everyone else. 

The crowd erupted into cheers, it was a flawless move that no one had really pulled off perfectly. Except you two. No hesitation, no delay, nothing that made it worse. You hurried off stage, immediately gripping Siyeon’s hand tightly. Bora had tucked your scarf in your belt to match everyone else as you walked off and back to the dressing rooms. Your heart was still beating a mile a minute as you tried to focus on what was going on. 

You had officially made your debut in the world. 

You watched as news outlets started to report on you, everyone talking about the illusive Mikyong of Dreamcatcher. You let out a small laugh as they still had little to nothing to work off of. All they had was your face and your stage name. Not even your real name. 

“What are you giggling at?” Minji asked you. You showed her your phone, showing her the article. “That was quick!” She gasped as she showed the other girls. 

During that week, you all were scheduled to appear in an interview. This time, for you, without a face covering. You were excited, but nervous as you really didn’t know what to do with yourself now. 

“And today we have Dreamcatcher!” The host smiled as he directed the attention to your group. “You have recently made a comeback with Escape the Era and officially released your hidden member.” He chuckled. You let out a nervous laugh before looking at everyone else. “Could you introduce yourself?” He asked you. 

The girls looked to you as you stood up from your seat, looking at them for any kind of help. 

“Hello, I am Mikyong.” You introduced yourself before sitting back down. 

“That’s it?” Bora chuckled. You let out a groan before standing back up. 

“Hello, I am Dreamcatcher’s little light, Mikyong.” You corrected before sitting back down. Everyone cheered for you, laughing at your sudden shyness. 

“Is there anything Mikyong can share with us before we go further into our interview since she is the newest?” The host asked. 

“She is our little lion cub. She is very loud in the dorm and we hear her no matter where we are in the dorm.” Minji explained. 

“Oh really?” The host laughed. 

“Yes.” You admitted. “Sua unnie and I really love watching a drama recently, and we got really… invested in it. We screamed at the tv.” You chuckled as you explained the most recent event of loudness in the dorm. 

“I don’t mean to be rude with this question, but you look foreign.” He stated. 

“I am from Hong Kong.” You answered with a smile. 

“Wow.” he gasped. “So you didn’t know Korean?” He asked. 

“No, I didn’t, but I learned in school, so everything is good.” You chuckled. 

“And I’m guessing you have a Hong Kong name, yes?” He asked. 

“No, my last name is Lee.” You laughed. “I’m Siyeon unnie’s little sister.” You pointed at the older girl who nodded her head. 

“A girl group with real siblings?” He asked. 

“My parents adopted her,” Siyeon answered. “We’re actually really close.” She smiled as she reached out for your hand. You took it and felt her give your hand a squeeze. So what if the truth was a little fabricated? No one had to know the real truth. 

“How old are you?” He asked. 

“I’m fourteen…” You answered quietly, your shyness really peaking now. 

“So that means, you debuted when you were thirteen?” He asked, watching you nod your head. “Wow, you were so young… You are so young.” He laughed. 

You were so young, and to be in a group that was only going to gain more popularity, it was all up in the air for you and your future.


	20. Twenty

2018 May

Fans had been talking about your stage for the longest time. All of them pointed out the different color contacts you had on the first day you were revealed. You didn’t dare explain why. You just thought it was cool and wanted to do it. 

You remembered that day. You wore glasses normally, but if you practiced, you had contacts in. Especially for stages. You were terrible at putting your contacts in by yourself, taking nearly twenty minutes by yourself. So you had help. 

Siyeon or Yoohyeon would help you put them in your eyes. More Yoohyeon than anyone else since she was practically a pro with her own eye issues. 

“Just hold still.” She whispered as she kept your eye open. She placed your usual contact in as you blinked a few times to get used to it. “There. Now you can see the world.” She laughed. 

“I didn’t ask to be blind.” You muttered. 

“Me too Y/N-ah. Me too.” She sighed. 

Your school days were filled with questioning looks, some people had seen your reveal and were curious about you. A few had talked to you about it, asking how you were able to keep a secret for so long. But then again, you were already quiet and only really talked to Yeojin, Hyejoo, and Yerim at the school. 

You thought everything was fine until a few girls cornered you in the hallway. 

“So you’re an idol now?” The taller one scoffed. 

“You know you’re just a pity case right? You literally aren’t talented like any other idol.” Another girl chuckled. “Just pathetic how your group even tries to be popular.” 

The taller one shoved you, forcing you to hit your back against the wall of lockers. You were surprised no one had seen or heard until one girl came running up to you. 

“Leave her alone.” The girl glared at the three girls that had decided to corner you. Almost immediately they backed off, muttering things under their breath. “Are you okay?” She asked you quietly. 

“I’m okay…” You whispered. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t worry about it. We have to stick together.” She gave you a smile, while you gave her a confused look. “Wang Yiren.” She introduced herself. “I’m a trainee at Stone.” She added. “I saw your performance on tv in the company, your group is so cool.” She whispered. 

“Th-thank you.” You managed to stammer out. 

You had found out a few more things about her, learning that she was older than you by three years and she was already in her last year of school. She didn’t know when she would debut but she was looking forward to it. You had introduced her to your friends during lunch, all four of you chatting about various things. 

Through Yiren, you had met a few other trainees from her company before the end of your semester. You had more friends, more people who you could talk to about your troubles. The very few would be able to understand the struggles all of you had gone through. 

You had gotten back from school, hurrying to the changing room before Minji could yell at you for taking too long. Once you were out of your uniform and changed into your practice clothes, you didn’t even give yourself a check. You just threw on whatever Yoohyeon had packed you, which today was your favorite sweatpants and one of your crop tops. You hurried out of the room and joined the group, giving them smiles when you had shown up. 

“Good! Now we’re all here.” Minji chuckled. “Get into your spots!” She called out. You hurried to your spot in line and heard a loud gasp from behind you. 

“What?” You frowned. 

“What is this?!” Yoohyeon asked you, gripping your shoulders as she lifted your top up higher to reveal a giant red mark. You had forgotten about the encounter from earlier in your day where you had been shoved backward. You felt a sharp pain, but you didn’t think too much of it. 

“Y/N there’s a cut… What happened?” Dong frowned after she had looked at your back. 

“A cut?” You frowned as you looked in one of the many mirrors that surrounded most of the walls. You were shocked at how big it was, no doubt you had hit a combination lock when you hit the lockers. 

“Does it hurt?” Bora frowned. 

“No…” You whispered. Bora walked over, touching your back, causing you to wince at the pain. “Yes… But only when you touch it.” You frowned. 

“Did you fall?” She asked you. 

“No… I…” You looked to the girls, seeing them waiting for your answer. “I got pushed into the lockers at school.” You whispered. 

“By who.” You jumped at the sudden change of tone from Siyeon. “Who pushed you?” She demanded. 

“It’s fine unnie… Yerin unnie stepped in and made them stop.” You whispered. 

“Yerin?” Siyeon frowned. 

“She’s a trainee at another company… She made them stop and made sure I was okay…” You explained. 

It was quiet for a few moments, all of them just processing what had happened to you. 

Every day was nearly something new. No one messed with you when they saw you with your friends, but the second you were alone, they had tried everything. People tried tripping you when you were walking to your seat, throwing things at you, everything just to get you to leave. 

By the time the semester was over you could not have been happier. You had a day off from the company and you were planning on spending time with Siyeon’s parents. You walked by yourself, holding your bag straps as you walked to the pickup location you and her mother had agreed on. You turned the corner, expecting absolutely nothing when you had felt a few drops of water on your shoulder. When you had looked up, you were met with an entire bucket of water being poured on top of you, soaking you. You heard snickering and footsteps running off, someone even calling you an idiot as they ran away. 

You really hated school now. 

You just continued on your way, shivering slightly since the wind was still a little chilly this time of year. When you found Siyeon’s mom she immediately gasped and hurried out of the car. 

“What happened?” She frowned. 

“Idiot people.” You answered quietly. 

She immediately took you to their home, having you change into a different set of clothes that you had kept there. You had your own room there now, which meant you had more clothes. You changed out of your uniform, watching as she had taken it to be cleaned. You let out a small sigh, watching her as she surveyed the damage. 

“How about we make some nice food.” She suggested. 

“What kind of food?” You asked. 

“Kimchi fried rice?” She asked you, knowing it was one of your absolute favorites. 

“Yes.” You smiled.


	21. Twenty-One

2018 June

You held onto Siyeon’s hand as you walked through the little venue, it was one of the few interviews you were able to do without the entire group. It was a show called Idol Ground, and you were nervous. 

You were right after Minji, who had called her family to talk to them. You didn’t know what to do honestly. You were going to have to call your parents and talk to them. 

“Do you talk to your parents often?” The host asked you. 

“Um… Sometimes.” You answered. 

“Do you know who you’ll call today?” She asked you. 

“My mom. But… I don’t think she’ll answer.” You whispered as you scrolled on your phone to click your mother’s contact. You heard muffled talking as you heard the ringing. You knew she wasn’t going to answer. After the sixth ring, it went to voicemail and your mother’s voice rang in your ears. You listened to the entire message before hanging up, tears filling your eyes. “She didn’t answer.” You sniffed. 

“Her mother died not too long ago.” You heard Siyeon explain. 

“Oh my goodness…” The host whispered. “You don’t have anyone else to call?” She asked. 

“Want to call mom?” Siyeon asked you. You nodded your head, scrolling through your contacts before clicking on another contact. The interviewer gave you an odd look, as you heard the rings. 

“Hello?” Her voice filled your ears and you couldn’t help but start crying right there. 

“Mom… It’s Miki.” You sniffed. 

“Mikyong! Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Siyeon’s mother sounded worried, completely unfazed at what you had called her. 

“I’m okay.” You whispered. “I just wanted to talk to you and tell you I love you very much.” You sniffed. It was silent for a few moments until you heard a small sniffle. You looked up seeing Siyeon trying to keep her composure as she watched you. 

“I love you too Mikyong.” She whispered. “Did you eat?” She asked. 

“Yes.” You lied. You hadn’t eaten yet. 

“What did you eat?” She asked. 

“Cereal.” You chuckled as you wiped your eyes. 

“That isn’t a meal!” She scolded. 

“Siyeon unnie wouldn’t make my food this morning.” You chuckled. 

“Yah! Where is she?” She sounded upset now. 

“Unnie…” You whispered as you held out the phone to her. “Mom wants to talk to you.” You chuckled quietly. She shook her head, not wanting to be scolded. “She just walked into the practice room…” You frowned. 

“Have her call me later.” 

“Okay.” You whispered. “I have to go… I love you very much, mom.” You said before hanging up. 

“I love you too!” She called out before you ended the call. You looked up at your members, seeing Minji still wiping away her tears as Siyeon groaned at the texts that were coming through to her phone now. 

“I’m being scolded now!” She complained. 

“Who was that?” The host asked you. 

“Siyeon’s mom. They adopted me.” You explained. “I never called her mom until just now.” You admitted. 

“Really?” The host gasped. 

“Yeah.” You smiled nervously. “But I do love them very much and I’m very happy they’re in my life.” You explained. 

After your turn you had watched Yoohyeon go, then Siyeon. 

“I would call my mom, but… I’m not on great terms with her right now.” Siyeon laughed. 

“You can always apologize.” The host smiled. 

“Not right now.” Siyeon laughed. “So I’m going to call dad.” She chuckled. You waited as you heard the ringing, listening to his voice filling the room. “Dad!” Siyeon chuckled. 

You smiled, watching her talk to her dad since she was afraid of her mother at the moment. You were being comforted by Yoohyeon who held your hand as you watched the entire interaction. 

“And your sister? She is doing well?” He asked Siyeon. 

“She’s good.” Siyeon smiled. 

“Hi, dad!” You shouted, earning a laugh from Siyeon. The word sounded so foreign coming from you, you had never spoken those words ever in your life… But it felt right. 

“Did you hear her?” Siyeon asked. 

“No? Is she there?” He asked. You watched as Siyeon covered her mouth, trying to hide her laugh. You got closer, shouting at him only to hear him repeat if you were there. 

“Dad! Hi!” You shouted louder, earning a gasp from Yoohyeon. 

“She’s louder than Sua..” Minji whispered. 

The rest of the interview and game was fun, you hadn’t had that much fun in a very long time. When you were done you checked your phone, seeing a message from Siyeon’s mother. 

Siyeon’s mom: Hi Y/N-ah, I just wanted to check in with you. I know you just called but I am actually very happy you called me. I love you so much and hope you have a good day! Make sure to eat a good meal tonight!

You couldn’t help but smile at the message, immediately changing her contact information to read as 'mom' instead of Siyeon’s mom. She was your mom too and you finally felt comfortable to call her that. 

Over the next few days, you had gotten yourself to relax long enough to really focus on yourself rather than anyone else. You would go back and forth with Siyeon to the place you were finally able to call home. As much as you loved and missed your home with your real mother, you found another home and another family in Korea. 

“Mom!” You smiled when she opened the door. You were met with a tight hug, happy to have someone in your life that you could really turn to. You found yourself helping her in the kitchen, just enjoying the time you had with her. 

It was always going to hurt when you would go through pictures of you as a little kid with your mom, but you knew that she was looking over you now no matter what. 

During your break at home, your new family had decided to take a new family portrait, this time with you in it. You smiled as you stood next to Siyeon for the photo with your other older sister on the other side of her. 

A real family. A real family that you were going to be a part of for the rest of your life. Ones that you could really fall back on and they would be there forever.


	22. Twenty-Two

2018 July

You had woken up in the middle of the night with a killer stomach ache. You felt almost as if you had been punched in the gut by a cow, heck, maybe even hit by a car. You let out a small grumble, trying to just roll over and deal with it. You usually had a weaker stomach, always being careful with your food and how much you ate. After a few more minutes of pain, you decided to head to the bathroom. 

It was horrible. You never felt this sick before and you were in visible pain. You were crying as you threw up your entire stomach contents, the pain not subsiding at all whatsoever. 

“Y/N?” You didn’t hear the knocking, only the door opening as you continued to throw up. Bora had peeked her head in, seeing you sicker than a dog at this point. She immediately hurried in, grabbing a hair tie to tie what she could out of your face. “You’re okay.” She whispered as she rubbed your back. 

“It hurts.” You cried. 

“I know…” She whispered. 

“What’s going on?” You heard Dami’s tired voice, but you were way too busy to even look up at her. 

“I think Y/N got sick,” Bora muttered. 

“I’ll get you a mask,” Dami whispered. 

“It’s kinda too late, but yeah…” Dami came back a few seconds later, handing her the mask to cover her face in case whatever you had was contagious. After ten minutes you were laying on the tile floor while Bora cleaned your mess. 

“Dami said Y/N-ah is sick?” You recognized Siyeon’s voice. 

“Yeah, she just unloaded her soul into the toilet,” Bora muttered. “She said she can’t get up.” 

You heard shuffling and felt hands on your forehead that moved to your cheeks. 

“She’s cold, I doubt she’s contagious,” Siyeon whispered. “I’ll take her.” She moved her arms to help you get up from the floor. She carried you to the living room, helping you on the couch so you could be somewhat comfortable. She threw a blanket over you, tucking you in as you continued to shiver. 

“What do you think it could be?” Bora frowned. 

“Maybe just her weak stomach?” Siyeon frowned as she looked through her phone. Googling symptoms of course. “Did you eat the chicken for dinner?” She asked. You nodded your head, watching her continue to scroll through. “She could have food poisoning…” Siyeon whispered. “But then we would all get sick.” She frowned. 

“Unless whatever she had was the uncooked one?” Bora asked. “Was your chicken cooked Y/N-ah?” She asked you. You shrugged your shoulders, you could barely remember what your chicken had looked like. 

You had been checked by a manager, who brought over one of the company medics since you felt you were going to fall apart if you moved from your spot. It was what Siyeon had guessed, food poisoning. You had all of the symptoms, and they had advised you to just rest and drink lots of water. 

You stayed on the couch the entire day, going in and out of sleep with a bucket right next to you. Siyeon stayed with you, your head in her lap as she watched tv. She wasn’t a big stay-in-one-place person, so this was huge. She made sure to rub your head, not sure if it was helping at all. You were unresponsive most of the day, causing her to reach out to your parents for any kind of help. 

That night you had really only drunk a few ounces of water, leaving you on a completely empty stomach which concerned the girls to no end. You had attempted to drink water but you really just wanted to sleep. You didn’t know why you had been the unlucky one, but you accepted it by dinner honestly. 

The next day you felt better, still only halfway yourself, but much better. Your appetite was still lost, but you did eat something so you would stop feeling so sick. Everyone had worried for you over the course of the next two days, making sure you drank enough water to rehydrate yourself after the one day you had absolutely nothing in your system. 

“How are you feeling?” Your manager asked you.

“Better.” You answered quietly. 

“Good.” He smiled. 

You had worked hard, working really hard towards your tour. You were due to start at the end of the month and it was going to continue for a while. You already worked out your schedule for Button with your parents, working on everything with them. 

“Mom, he’s a hedgehog. He doesn’t require much.” You chuckled as you set his little cage up in the corner of the living room. 

“I’m just looking out for him.” She sighed. 

“I know, but just don’t go overboard… Please? He is very minimalistic.” You chuckled. 

Once everything was settled, you were all set to go on the plane and tour with the girls. You were happy to sit next to Yoohyeon on the flight, but you really just hated flying. Especially since the flight was over twenty-four hours again.

You let out a groan, feeling slightly sick again. You had maneuvered yourself to be comfortable in the seat, immediately feeling pain. You frowned as you tried to readjust yourself. 

“Why do you keep moving?” Yoohyeon frowned. 

“I hurt.” You whimpered. 

“What hurts?” She asked you. 

“My stomach.” You whispered. It was dark, so mostly everyone was already asleep. You did your best to not cause too much noise, but you were near tears with how much everything was hurting. 

“Come on, let’s get you to the bathroom.” She whispered. 

She followed you into the cramped area, turning to face the wall as you sat on the toilet. You let out a tiny gasp when you saw the little bits of blood and nearly panicked until you recalled the brief conversation your real mother had given you before you came to Korea. 

“Unnie…” You frowned. 

“Hm?” She muttered.

“I’m bleeding…” You whispered. 

“Oh, that isn’t too bad.” She chuckled. 

“I… I’ve never had this happen before.” You frowned. 

“OH…” Yoohyeon whispered. “Don’t move. I’ll be back.” She hurried out the bathroom, leaving you to reach over and lock it once again. You waited for a few minutes before you heard a knock on the door. 

“Y/N-ah…” It was Siyeon’s voice this time. You unlocked the door, allowing her in. “Yoohyeon got me. Okay, so here is this.” She handed you a square wrapped in plastic. “Open it, sticky side to the fabric. When we land I can walk you through everything else.” She whispered. 

“Okay…” You frowned. 

“It’s going to be okay. Yoohyeon has pain killers for you to take so you don’t have to worry about the pain too much. Okay?” She whispered. You nodded before she had left, leaving you to take care of yourself without any other help. When you had left the bathroom and got back to your seat, Yoohyeon had the painkillers in hand and ready for you to take. 

“Sucks you had to get it on a plane.” Yoohyeon frowned. 

“Does it always hurt?” You asked her. 

“Sadly, yes.” She sighed. You let out a tiny whine before you took the medicine, hoping it would take effect quickly. You sat back in your seat just trying to relax until you had dozed off into some much needed sleep.


	23. Twenty-Three

2018 July

You smiled on stage, goofed off with the other girls, and even interacted with fans. It was a whole different experience being revealed. You had a great time with them, laughing and joking, feeding off the energy of the fans. People screamed your name, loudly when you got closer to certain sides, you were scared that they were going to lose their voices from it all. 

You went on a live stream with Siyeon and Gahyeon after the concert, still not tired at all from the high you were currently experiencing. 

“I was so scared that Insomnia was going to lose their voices.” You chuckled. 

“They were very loud.” Gahyeon agreed. “You could see they had fun.” She added, a smile on her face. 

“I hope so!” You laughed. 

You continued for a little while longer until your managers knocked on the door, telling you to go to bed since you were still a minor. You let out an exaggerated groan before flopping back on the bed. 

“I guess that means we should end the live stream.” Siyeon sighed. 

“Maybe.” Gahyeon chuckled. 

You pouted as you looked at them, knowing they wanted to continue. You all said your goodbyes, waving at the phone before ending the stream. Gahyeon jumped back in her bed while Siyeon slid herself further into the covers. You got yourself comfortable and ignored everything else. 

Over the next few days, you were so focused on performing and resting that you really only talked to your parents through Siyeon. 

Which was how you ended up crying in the hotel bed early in the morning when you were on a call with them. 

“I’m so sorry…” Your dad whispered. “We really tried everything.” 

“The vet said he was really old Y/N-ie.” Your mother sounded upset. 

Siyeon held you tightly, rubbing your back as you continued to cry. 

“He… He wasn’t sick?” You hiccuped. 

“No, not sick. He just died from old age.” She explained. 

“You gave him a great life Y/N-ah,” Siyeon whispered. “He loved hanging out with you. Watching tv, sleeping in your pocket.” She smiled. You could see the tears in her own eyes as she had somewhat bonded with the hedgehog over the past year. 

After you had said your goodbyes, you were sniffling as you laid in the bed. You had to get ready for the next concert that night, but you felt nothing again. Siyeon tried to make you feel better with various videos, but you continued to look at your phone case, the one Yeojin had gotten you for your birthday. It was a mistake not to bring a backup, but you loved it so much. 

“What was with the crying?” You didn’t move, but you recognized the voice. Minji. 

“Button died while we were sleeping,” Siyeon explained. 

“Oh my god, not Button.” Minji gasped. “Is she okay?” She frowned. You felt the bed suddenly dip and someone was moving to hover over you. “Hey…” She whispered. “He was the best hedgehog in the entire world.” She wormed her way in between both of you, hugging you tightly as you continued to look at the different pictures. 

You loved that hedgehog to no end. You had over a thousand photos of your prickly best friend on your phone and lord knows how many you had on your laptop from the day you had gotten him. He was the one you shared your worries with, who you talked to about your day. People would’ve assumed you were crazy, but he was your best friend. Your partner in crime, quite literally since you weren’t supposed to have him in the company dorm. 

“Maybe when you feel the time is right, we can get you another hedgehog,” Minji whispered as she carded her fingers through your hair. 

“I want Button.” You whispered. 

“I know. I know.” She sighed.

It wasn’t long before everyone knew, all of them cuddling and keeping you company since you really didn’t want to be alone. You already lost two precious lives in your life. Your mother, and your hedgehog. 

By the time of the concert, you tried your best to keep composure. It wasn’t until after the first few songs when Minji took over with speaking. 

“Today’s concert is very special and dedicated to a special someone in our lives.” She started. You looked up at her, confused with what she was saying. “Most Insomnia know who Button is yes?” She asked, waiting for the translator to finish for her. Instantly the crowd erupted into cheers. You could see a poster near the front of Button which made you bittersweet. “Well, as of today, he has gone over the rainbow bridge.” Minji frowned. The entire crowd let out gasps, some let out loud and over-exaggerated cries. “So tonight’s concert will be dedicated to our unofficial ninth member, Button.” She looked behind her, pointing to the screen behind all of you. When you turned you saw your favorite picture of him. 

Him asleep in his food dish as always. It had moved to the other various photos everyone had taken of Button over the year, some of Yoohyeon holding him in her hands, some of Siyeon feeding him while he sat on the couch with her and Bora during a movie marathon. Some of Button with you while you did homework or just laying on you as you played a game. You couldn’t help but cry at the sight, completely unaware of the entire thing. 

After your tour was finished, you were on the flight back home when Siyeon had shoved her tablet in your face. You blinked a few times, looking at the screen. 

“They updated it.” Siyeon smiled. “It’s a whole AU on Twitter.” She chuckled. 

“Really?” You asked her as you swiped through the pictures. All of them done by the same artist who had done the original photo you had saved from your debut. You were drawn in different settings as a powerful witch with Button right by your side. The most recent one being you sitting in a forest with your mask next to you and a little spirit… Button’s spirit following you. You frowned as you read the caption. 

‘In honor of the best familiar and best friend to all Insomnia, Button.’

“Send this to me unnie.” You pleaded to her. 

“I will, I will.” Siyeon chuckled as she sat back in her seat. 

You saw the notification pop up not too long after, immediately saving the photo before making it your new lock screen. You loved it so much.


	24. Twenty-Four

2018 October

You pulled at your hair, mentally screaming as you stared at your math homework. You continued to stare at it as your mind drew blanks. You eventually gave up, letting your head fall to the table, landing with a loud thud. 

“No giving up,” Bora called from the living room. 

“I don’t understand it!” You frowned. You were on the urge of a mental breakdown at this point. Math really hated you. 

“Let me help.” Gahyeon took a seat next to you, taking the textbook out from under you. 

You wished you were like Gahyeon. She was so smart and so talented and pretty. You were just boring and stupid. She was able to help you, going over it as easily as she could without confusing you any more than what you already were. 

It only took two hours for your math homework, leaving you no time to really focus on anything else since you had a massive headache from just math alone. You were excelling in all of your classes except that one and you wanted to die just from that information alone. 

Math would be the reason for your stroke in the very near future. 

“Can I just drop out?” You muttered. 

“Mom will kill you.” Siyeon gasped. 

“Math is going to kill me.” You retorted. 

“Just a few more years. Deal with it.” Siyeon chuckled. “We all went through the pain and suffering of a hell class.” 

“Mine was physics,” Bora answered casually. 

“Literacy.” Gahyeon smiled. 

“I hated gym class.” Siyeon frowned. 

“Gay,” Bora smirked. 

“Shut up.” Siyeon laughed before throwing a pillow at her. You raised an eyebrow at her before looking to Gahyeon who shrugged her shoulders at the remark. You decided to ignore them since they were both incredibly odd most of the time. 

All of your fans had considered you and Dami the normal ones of the group. Which was the biggest mistake of their lives. They didn’t know what either of you did behind closed doors, which in a way was a godsend.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Bora frowned when she walked into the bigger room. You and Dami had your foam swords out with Minji filming from her bunk as you two fought on Dami’s bed. 

“Um…” You muttered. 

“Recreating one of the scenes from our anime,” Dami answered casually. 

“It’s going to be on the new Dreamcatcher Note.” Minji chuckled. 

“Yeah, we’re proving we aren’t normal.” You smiled at her. 

You watched as the older girl backed out of the room slowly. You looked back at the older girls and watched as Minji pressed record on her phone again. 

“Action!” She chuckled. 

When the video was released, you were the subject of everyone’s teasing. Everyone knew Dami had loved anime and manga, but you, you were supposed to be normal to everyone. Granted you were since you didn’t really make an idiot of yourself on stage or during interviews. 

Well, until you sat next to Siyeon. 

You were paying attention until you felt something poking you. You looked down to see her poking you with one of the props. You frowned at her, deciding to do the exact same thing until you both were hitting each other when the cameras weren’t on you. 

Or so you thought. You saw the edits of people trying to ship you two together and ended up cackling as you watched them. You both decided right there that you probably needed to make a PSA that you two were technically related now. 

You sat on the floor with Bora for a live stream, Siyeon was off getting snacks for the three of you when she had started. You two waved at the camera, watching as a few comments came in. 

“Do you like chocolate?” Bora asked you when she read one of the comments. It was a genuine question since you really hadn’t voiced what you liked about sweets. 

“Yes?” You answered, almost questioning yourself. You weren’t entirely sure. Did you like chocolate? 

“Cereal then milk, or milk then cereal.” Bora read another comment. “Cereal then milk. Duh.” She chuckled. 

“Same.” You answered. 

You continued to answer the different questions until you started just telling stories. 

“Why did you and Siyeon hit each other on that interview last week.” You read quietly. “Okay, so she does that at home too. Not just in the dorm.” You chuckled. 

“Does she really?” Bora laughed. 

“Yes, she throws things at me when we watch tv, and then mom gets mad because we almost break things.” You laughed as you explained it. When you looked back at the comments it was flooded with more questions. “Wow.” You muttered as you tried to keep up. The most frequent question that was asked was if you two were really sisters. 

“Miki is Siyeon’s sister, yes.” Bora laughed. 

“I’m her tiny, annoying sister.” You smiled. “Well… Not tiny, I think I’m taller than her now.” You laughed. 

You both continued with the live stream, even with Siyeon came with the plastic bag full of snacks. You were quick to open it, frowning when you didn’t find your favorite candy in the bag. 

“Unnie. Did you find it?” You asked her. 

“Find what?” She asked as she sat next to you. 

“The jelly.” You pouted. 

“Nope, but I got this, try it.” She opened the bag, pulling out one of the different snacks. You groaned, seeing her open the package. It wasn’t a jelly. So you really didn’t want it. “Are you really going to complain?” She asked you. 

“Yes.” You grumbled.

“The baby wants jellies.” Bora chuckled. “And you’re trying to feed her the waffle.” She continued to laugh. Siyeon rolled her eyes, choosing to eat the waffle instead. After ten minutes you heard the door click open to the room you were in, seeing Minji walk in. 

“Here.” She held up a package to you, tossing it to you. 

“Jellies!” You gasped. “Thank you unnie!” You giggled. 

“You’re welcome.” Minji chuckled before leaving you to your live stream again. 

“Wow. Someone is trying to take over your spot.” Bora smirked. Siyeon scoffed before pulling you into her side, holding you close as you munched on your jellies. 

“My sister,” Siyeon muttered. “Right?” She asked you. You nodded as you dug through your bag. “See. If you could choose your sister though, who would you choose?” She asked. 

“Hm.” You muttered, looking at Bora who raised her eyebrows at you. “Siyeon unnie.” You smiled. 

“Biased.” Bora scoffed. 

“I want all of you as my sisters. But Siyeon takes care of me best.” You explained.


	25. Twenty-Five

2018 December

You held your breath as you watched the clock tick right past midnight. You heard the door open, hearing your members giggling as they walked in. 

“Be quiet, Y/N-ah might be asleep,” Minji whispered. You popped up from the couch, looking at them as they walked in. 

“Or not.” Dami chuckled. 

“It’s not fair that I’m not allowed to do late concerts.” You pouted. 

“Curfew is curfew.” Minji frowned. “It’s never the same without you.” She chuckled. 

“I think it hurts more that I learned the dance and everything else just to be told I can’t do it.” You muttered. Everyone gave you a sad look, knowing that your age-restricted you from a lot of things. You weren’t able to do any new Year concerts, your parents had to sign a special waiver during your breaks stating that you were allowed to break your curfew for concerts on tour. Everything was horrible. 

You knew for a fact your company would never debut someone so young ever again. 

You just wanted to grow up a lot faster than you already were. 

After a few weeks into the new year, your group released a song for your fans, another anniversary song. It had gotten a lot of traction, allowing you to seamlessly go back into school without too many issues. Except, it was a new year. Your new friend Yiren had graduated and you were back with your three friends. 

“Excuse me…” You were startled at the voice, looking over to see another girl looking at you. She looked really young, but she was the same height as you. “You’re Y/N?” She asked. 

“Yeah… Why…?” You muttered, slightly on edge now. 

“You’re from Hong Kong… Yes?” She asked. You nodded your head, more suspicious now. “I have a friend from Stone, she told me to find you.” She smiled. “I’m Yuan Ying, but I go by Wonyoung.” She introduced herself. 

“Oh! You know Yiren?” You asked her. 

“Yes!” She smiled. 

Another friend. You immediately introduced her to your little group, all of them happy to have another friend. 

You thought you would only see her at school, but it was amazing to see her on music shows already. You were seated on the couch supporting your friends when you saw her. 

“I know her!” You gasped as you pointed at the tv. 

“Do you?” Dami chuckled. 

“Yeah, we go to the same school.” You smiled. “She’s very nice.” 

You ended up not seeing your new friend very much since you had a strict schedule. You had already filmed a new music video and recorded everything. You were just waiting on everything to be released. You were once again masked, this time for cinematic reasons. Hidden from the girls, therefore you had a mask in the music videos. 

“Somnia… Miki has hidden again.” Gahyeon sighed to the camera. “We can’t find her.” She pouted. You glanced over, your mask on top of your head since you weren’t performing yet. You saw her talking to the camera and couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I’m missing.” You called out. 

“I can hear her voice sometimes.” Gahyeon laughed. You burst into a fit of laughter as you heard her talk about you as if you weren’t there in real life. So you decided to mess with her. You grabbed at her hair, covered her eyes and everything. “I just feel that she’s here.” She laughed. 

“What are you doing?” Yoohyeon asked you. 

“Gahyeon is pretending I’m dead.” You explained as you continued to pester her. 

“Yoohyeon, do you feel Miki’s presence?” Gahyeon asked her. 

“Sometimes.” Yoohyeon chuckled, playing along with the younger member. You let out a groan, deciding to hug Yoohyeon tightly. “Oh, it got so cold just now.” She pretended to shiver as you let out a whine. 

“I’m not dead!” You pretended to cry. 

“BUT YOU COULD BE!” Minji gasped loudly, pointing at you. You pointed right back at her, choosing to abandon the other girls to hang out with your leader. You flopped yourself on the couch, deciding to make up more things for the universe you two had created. 

Insomnias had gone crazy with your videos explaining the theory. You were both vague with your ideas, giggling as you tried to not give too much away. It got to the point where all of the members were questioned about the music video universe. But no one could really answer it without consulting you. 

Which led to two days before your birthday, answering questions with Dami and Gahyeon. 

“Why does Miki have very little screen time?” Gahyeon read. 

“I’m hidden.” You answered casually. “Piri has a lot of different things.” You frowned. “Have Somnias been sleeping in the story?” You teased. Minji let out a loud laugh, grabbing your arm as she threw her head back. 

“Somnia really don’t know how to pay attention.” Minji chuckled. 

“You both made it so complicated!” Gahyeon defended. 

“It isn’t really complicated,” Dami muttered as she flipped through your notebook full of notes. 

“What is that?!” Gahyeon frowned. 

“We wrote it all down.” You chuckled. 

“You can’t spell,” Dami stated as she handed back the book. You pretended to be offended, but you knew your spelling was terrible if you rushed. “Okay, Piri the beginning. You go with Handong.” She pointed at you. 

“Yes. I’m hiding from unnie.” You answered as you pointed at Minji. “Minji is the darkness with Bora.” You explained. 

“And that’s why you cover her eyes?” Gahyeon asked. 

“Yes. I saved her.” You smiled. 

“So far,” Minji added. “She also saved Siyeon and Dami.” She pointed at the younger girl, who was a little shocked at her words. 

“Yes. I’m saving everyone.” You chuckled. 

“What about me?” Gahyeon pouted. 

“Bora got you. Remember, with the phones.” You explained. She gave you a face of sudden realization, remembering what had happened in the music video. 

“Wait, when was Handong saved?” Dami frowned. 

“What,” Minji answered. “She was saved in that era.” She explained. 

“How,” Gahyeon muttered. 

“When she’s in the closet, she’s hiding from the darkness. I tried to save Yoohyeon but Minji got to her before I could.” You explained. 

“That makes no sense.” Dami frowned. 

“Somnias are confused,” Minji whispered. 

“They’re confused? I’m confused.” Gahyeon scoffed. 

“We’ll explain it one day.” You chuckled.


	26. Twenty-Six

2019 February

You had woken up on your birthday, knowing that you had promotions that day. You dragged yourself out of bed, walking out into the living room to see everyone already in the kitchen. 

“Hello?” You frowned. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” Everyone cheered. You smiled at them, seeing them still in their sleep clothes and barely awake. It was clear they had tried to wake up before you. 

“We got you a gift.” Yoohyeon smiled. 

“We know how much you loved Button,” Bora whispered. 

“And we know you still have everything for a hedgehog…” Minji looked to Siyeon who walked up to you with a shoebox. You frowned as you took the box from her, opening the lid to see a little white, prickly ball on a cloth. 

“She’s not Button… But she can be your new best friend.” Siyeon whispered. “The pet store guy said she’s only six months old, so she will last a while.” She explained quickly. You couldn’t help but tear up at your new friend, reaching in to pick her up.

She let out a few grunts, sniffing your hand and curling up in your hands. You couldn’t help but start crying as you watched her. Dami had been filming, and everyone instantly started to make fun of you for crying. 

After an hour you had named your hedgehog Carpet. No one understood why, but they allowed it since you were rather strange. Although, Dong had struggled to say his name. So she affectionately renamed him, George. You weren’t sure as to why, but you weren’t going to question her either. 

After your promotions of the day, you had headed out to visit your friends who had begged for you to go out with them. You had to get approval from your managers and members, begging to go out on your birthday, to which they had eventually agreed. 

“Happy birthday!!” The three girls screamed when they saw you. You smiled at them, allowing them to tackle you in a tight embrace. 

“What did you get so far?” Yeojin asked you. 

“My members got me a new hedgehog since Button passed away last year.” You pulled out your phone, showing them pictures of Carpet. Yeojin immediately squealed at the picture, smiling at how cute she was. 

“You really love them?” Hyejoo asked you. 

“Yeah, they’re a lot easier to maintain in a dorm.” You smiled. You looked up at her, seeing a very unreadable expression on her face. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, but her eyes usually read something. Now they just looked confused. 

“I like dogs,” Hyejoo muttered. 

You had all gone out to a restaurant, the four of you catching up on your lives with each other. The other three were preparing for their comeback in the next two days while you were almost done promoting your own comeback. 

“We never see each other except in school.” Yerim sighed. 

“I know.” You sighed. “You won’t see me this semester by the way…” You sighed. “Going on tour again.” 

“How is it possible that you guys keep going on tour?” Hyejoo asked. 

“We’re popular abroad. We’re also debuting in Japan next month.” You explained. They were all shocked. Sure, you had been an idol for two years now, but it was all insane. You were already debuting in Japan and had a huge international fanbase. 

“Do you think you’ll still be able to talk to us?” Yeojin pouted. 

“Of course. I can text.” You smiled. 

The four of you had left the restaurant, all of you giggling as you walked down the path to your pickup point. You noticed Hyejoo sort of dragging behind, so you slowed down to walk with her. 

“You’re being a slowpoke unnie.” You joked, earning a small chuckle from the older girl. 

“Just really full.” She chuckled. “I graduate next year. Think you’ll be able to make it? Or will you be on tour again?” She smirked. 

“I will be there.” You smiled. 

“Good.” She whispered as she looped her arm with yours. “You’re taller than me now. It’s not fair.” She muttered. 

“Can’t help it. I’m almost as tall as Yoohyeon unnie, and she’s the tallest I think.” You muttered. 

It was silent for a while, the two of you walking slowly behind the other two who were giggling and joking ahead of you. 

“You won’t forget me right?” Hyejoo whispered. “When you get really popular?” She asked. 

“Never, you’re one of my best friends.” You answered. You watched her nod her head, not bothering to look at you. You were concerned with her question, but it made sense. Everyone had their worries. “You won’t forget me?” You asked her. “Especially when you guys get really popular?” You added. 

“I could never forget you.” Hyejoo gave you a small smile. You felt your chest tighten, something you had never entirely experienced before. The whole interaction was harmless, why did it feel like your stomach was doing flips. Why did it feel like your heart was going to explode out of your chest at just her smile? You had seen her smile before. 

“Y/N-AH!” Yeojin shouted. “You are so slow!” She continued. 

“We’re coming!” You shouted back at her. 

“How did you befriend her again?” Hyejoo asked. 

“She approached me.” You chuckled. 

When you had gotten back to the dorm, you were entirely confused. So confused that you had immediately gone for Carpet and held her close to you. You felt a little better with her in your hands as you wandered out to find where your members had gone. You found that most of them were gone to get dinner. You found Yoohyeon in your shared room and immediately peeked to see her playing a game on her switch. 

“Unnie… I need advice.” You whispered as you set Carpet on her bed. 

“I don’t think I’m capable of giving advice… But I’ll try.” She said as she continued to play her game. 

“I… I think I like someone…” You whispered as you focused all of your attention on your hedgehog. You heard her pause her game and set the switch down. 

“Oh?” She asked you.

“Yeah… I… I don’t think it’s allowed though…” You whispered.


	27. Twenty-Seven

2019 April

You explained to Yoohyeon what had happened and she was very understanding. She told you to keep it inside, for now, let it really rest in your head before you acted on anything. Of course, you left out the most important fact that this person wasn’t a guy. That she was a girl and you really didn’t know how to feel. 

“Unnie…” You frowned as you reached for Yoohyeon’s hand. “I can’t breathe.” You whispered. 

It was an hour before your concert and you couldn’t help but think about your last physical interaction with Hyejoo all day. Yoohyeon dragged you out of the dressing room and away from everyone. You were on the verge of a full panic attack and it wasn’t helping that people were asking what was wrong left and right. 

“Is it from the concert?” She asked you. You shook your head, feeling the tears building as you tried to keep yourself calm. “Okay, okay.” She whispered before pulling you into a tight embrace. You couldn’t help but wrap your own arms around her tightly, letting a few tears slip as you both stood in the hallway. “Did you read something bad? See something bad?” She asked without letting go of you. 

“No.” You answered with a shaky breath. “I… I can’t stop thinking about what I told you.” You sniffed. 

“What did you tell me?” She asked. 

“The friend…” You whispered. “The friend I told you about is a girl.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, tears falling down your face, smearing the little makeup you had on. Yoohyeon was shocked at first but then had tightened her grip on you. 

“Everything is hard right now… I get it. You shouldn’t feel this scared, okay?” She whispered. “Do you feel better that you told me?” She asked. 

“Yes.” You muttered into her shoulder. 

“Good. Now, let’s get you cleaned up and we can talk after the concert.” She whispered. 

When you had returned, no one asked you any questions, they all saw you needed some space, and who you had chosen to confide in. No one was going to try and pester you. Especially since everyone respected each other’s privacy. No one was going to try and take that away from one another. 

After the concert, you found yourself in your shared room, grateful that you and Yoohyeon were the ones to share a room this time around. You both sat on your bed, both of you eating a few snacks after the show. 

“So you think you like girls? Or just her?” She asked. 

“I think just her?” You answered quietly. “I never really looked at anyone else… I’ve been so busy just trying to pass math and be a good idol.” You whispered. 

“And you have no idea if she likes you either?” She asked. 

“I don’t know…” You pulled out your phone, pulling up the texts you and Hyejoo had sent back and forth. You watched her scroll, her face turning into a small smile as she read through it. 

“Oh, this is cute.” She whispered. “I think she likes you, but I don’t know her at all.” Yoohyeon chuckled as she handed you your phone. 

“She’s usually closed off… Doesn’t really show any kind of emotion.” You explained. “But on my birthday she looked upset that I was leaving.” You explained. “For tour.” 

“Maybe she does have a little crush on you.” She winked. 

“Not like I can do anything about that.” You sighed. 

“Why not?” She asked. You let out a huff, shaking your head. “Because it’s not allowed?” She asked. 

“Because she turns eighteen this year. I’m sixteen.” You sighed. She let out a small laugh, shaking her head slightly at you. “What?” You frowned. “Why are you laughing at my pain?” You complained. 

“You don’t have to do anything. Just find out and see where it goes. Yeah, it sucks she’s older than you, but look on the bright side. You would know.” She explained. You nodded your head deciding that maybe you would talk to her when she woke up. She wasn’t promoting and she was focusing on school. You could do that. 

You had set an alarm for you to wake up and call her, which was honestly hell. You were half asleep as you held the phone up to your ear, trying your best not to fall asleep as you waited for her to pick up. 

“Hello?” She muttered into the phone. 

“Are you sleeping too?” You yawned. 

“I just woke up.” Hyejoo laughed. “What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” She mumbled. 

“I set an alarm so I could call you.” You answered. “I really needed to find something out…” You whispered. 

“What?” You could hear the tiredness in her voice, but also the panic. 

“Well… More… I-I need to say something to find out… I… I know it isn’t the right way, but I… Think I have feelings for you.” You whispered. “You don’t have to say that you do too just to make me feel better, but I just… I wanted to clear that before anything else.” You muttered. You played with the edge of your blanket as you waited for her response. You were beginning to panic after a few seconds of silence. 

“Y/N-ah…” She whispered. “When do you get back?” She asked. 

“May.” You answered quietly. 

“I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone… I want to speak to you face to face.” She sighed. 

“Okay.” You muttered. 

“Don’t worry okay?” She whispered. 

“Okay… I’ll try not to.” You mumbled. 

“I mean it. I just don’t want to say that I have feelings for you over the phone and not be able to hug you after.” She chuckled quietly. You had almost dropped the phone right there, your heart pounded in your ears when you heard those words. 

During breakfast, you had maintained your composure as you looked over the texts you two had sent before you had fallen back asleep. Yoohyeon looked at you with a raised eyebrow until you threw your phone at her, showing her the messages. 

“LOOK AT YOU!” She gasped. “I’m so proud of you.” She smiled. 

“I think I have a date when I get back.” You chuckled.


	28. Twenty-Eight

2019 May

You stood in the mall, hidden from the view of everyone. It helped that you hadn’t gained much traction in Korea as an idol. Yes, you had a fairly large fandom, but not everyone knew you like they knew everyone else. 

“Boo!” You jumped at the sudden voice, seeing Hyejoo laughing next to you. 

“That was so mean!” You complained. 

“I haven’t seen you for an entire semester. That was mean. You didn’t even video call me.” She pouted. 

“I was busy.” You muttered, pretending to be very uninterested in the conversation. 

The two of you walked together until you found a more secluded store. Neither of you had any real business being there as it was a slightly religious store. The both of you giggled as you looked at the different items, deciding to walk out and find a better spot to talk to one another. 

You found yourself outside, enjoying the weather with Hyejoo when she pulled you away from everything just to hide the two of you away from the public eye. 

“Where are we going?” You asked her. 

“I just want to hide from the world right now.” She whispered as she hugged you tightly. You were both in a little more secluded area, surrounded by buildings in the city, the sounds of people a little distant from you both now. 

You didn’t bother to say anything as she hugged you. You just wrapped your arms around her tightly, enjoying the feeling. 

“Did you really mean what you said on the phone?” Hyejoo whispered. 

“Yeah…” You answered. 

“I never felt like this with anyone.” She muttered. 

“Me either.” You were a little nervous, your chest was tight. You didn’t know what was going to happen next, but she didn’t show any signs of letting go. She just enjoyed holding onto you. “I don’t know what to do with the feeling.” You admitted. “I know you’re turning eighteen and it really wouldn’t be fair to either of us.” You sighed. 

“Yeah… But we can always just have fun until then… Then… Break things off…?” She asked quietly. She sounded unsure of herself. Almost as if she was afraid of the answer herself. 

“What if someone finds out?” You whispered. 

“They’ll just think we’re friends.” She chuckled. 

It was the truth… You were both already friends with one another. It would make sense that no one would suspect a thing. 

So you agreed. 

Every day was spent hanging out with one another, of course when you could. You were still incredibly busy with comebacks. You had a Japanese release soon and then another Korean come back for the next month. You had to learn Japanese during your break, along with taking extra classes so you had more time to be with the company instead of at school. 

“Y/N-ah, why are you crying?” You looked up from your textbook, seeing Dong watching you. It was almost two in the morning, you knew you should’ve been in bed, but it was quiet at two in the morning. The only time you had to truly think and focus on your math homework. 

“I don’t understand math.” You sniffed. “I feel really stupid.” You whispered. 

You watched her walk over to you, sitting on the couch next to you while she looked down at your work. It was clear you were struggling so much, but you weren’t trying to give up. You were trying to understand it. 

“You’re not stupid.” She whispered. “Math is really… Really hard.” She sighed. 

She stayed up with you for the next hour, trying to understand your math homework while everyone was asleep. It was clear that she was tired just like you, except she probably didn’t expect to stay up longer than fifteen minutes. 

“You should sleep unnie.” You muttered as you tried to figure out the next problem. 

“I can’t sleep these days. It’s okay.” She whispered. 

“Why?” You asked her. 

“Just have a lot of things on my mind.” She shrugged. “Missing home, dealing with my own internal demons.” You noticed that she had switched to Mandarin, which caused you to look back at her. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked her. 

“Sometimes…” She started. You watched her take in a small breath and let it out slowly. “Sometimes I feel very out of place.” she sighed. “All the girls are my family yes, but when it comes to performing. I… I wasn’t trained like they were. I lack the experience they have, and I’m just a sub-vocalist.” She whispered the last part, hurting your entire well-being. “I’m not entirely liked because I’m from China…” She muttered. 

It was quiet, both of you sitting in the silence as everything mulled in your minds. 

“I feel that way too.” You whispered. 

“You’re tall, pretty and your voice is a lot more powerful than mine will ever be.” She chuckled. 

“So what if it’s powerful.” You scoffed. “You have such a beautiful voice unnie. It is so nice to hear when we’re singing. So many fans love it because it’s such a nice breath of fresh air.” You smiled. “A lot of fans aren’t going to like us because we’re foreign. But we learned the language just to please them. It would be worse if we didn’t.” You muttered. “And you are pretty!!” You groaned. 

You heard her let out a small chuckle, shaking her head slightly at your words. 

“I asked if I could go do Idol Producer back home.” She whispered. “They… They’re thinking about it.” She whispered. 

“Really? But why?” You frowned. 

“I want to strengthen myself. Remind me of why I’m still here doing all of this.” She shrugged. “I think it’ll be better for me.” She sighed. “And I can go back to my true roots. Being back home surrounded by the things that made me feel the passion in the first place.” She explained. 

“Well… I really, really hope they say yes. Even though I will miss you a lot.” You smiled. “I want you to be a better version of yourself if that’s what you want.” 

Dong gave you the biggest smile, pulling you into a quick hug. Out of everyone in the group, you would be the one to truly understand her thoughts and everything that made Dong herself. You were her roommate in the company. You were the one who stayed up with her learning dances or helping her with her Korean studies. You taught her how to let loose and have just a little bit of fun. But she had helped you make more friends, helped you with your studies late into the night, and kept your hedgehog a secret for months on end. 

“You know… I’m very happy to have met you.” Dong whispered. “And to be your member. And your friend.” 

“Unnie you’re my family now. Don’t try and downplay it.” You chuckled. 

“It’s a little too dysfunctional to be called a family.” She laughed.


	29. Twenty-Nine

2019 September

You watched as Siyeon had a sudden burst of energy, giggling to herself as she tried to get everyone else to join her in her antics. You were not having it since you had found out about Dong leaving a week after your promotions were to end. You had an incredibly successful Japanese release and a fairly successful comeback. You were at a schedule, just waiting for it to end as you watched her dance around the dressing room. 

“How is it that you chose her…?” Dami asked you. 

“Her family chose me.” You corrected her. 

“Excuse me?!” Siyeon gawked when she heard you both. You let out a laugh as you watched her approach you, pretending to punch you. You pretended to cry for help, watching as the older girls just laughed at you. 

“And here you will see the two siblings being siblings again.” Yoohyeon chuckled as she held the camera up, showing off you two fighting. “And they always fight.” She smirked. 

“We do not!” Siyeon gasped. 

“Do too!” You frowned, pushing her lightly. She pushed you right back, this time, her nail scratching your bare arm. “Ow!” You cried out, pouting at her. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Is it bleeding?” She asked you as she checked your arm. It was bleeding slightly, which caused your managers to panic since you hadn’t gotten fully dressed yet for your stage. 

While everyone else wore an all-black outfit, you wore a full white outfit. Black shorts, black boots, black top, and black sheer top. You wore the white counterpart. Fulfilling the role as Dreamcatcher’s little light. Even if you were taller than Yoohyeon now. 

You were their light. The one thing that kept them together to the world. The one thing that led them from the darkness in the world and in their nightmares. 

You sported a nude bandage on your arm as you pulled the sheer top over your head. Siyeon gave you an apologetic look to which you pretended it had hurt worse. 

“Don’t do that!!” Siyeon cried as you laughed at her. 

“You know I love you unnie.” You continued to laugh at her, watching her pout. You hugged her tightly as you started to head out towards the stage. You couldn’t help but continue to laugh as you thought of what had just happened. 

“Look at them.” You heard a group mutter. 

“They’re only really good to look at. Sucks they can’t get fans.” 

“Word is they’ll disband if they don’t do well.” 

You whipped your head around, seeing a boy group chuckling at you. 

“Excuse me?” You scoffed. 

“What? It’s the truth.” One of the guys laughed. “At least we’re popular.” 

“At least we aren’t some cocky rookie group who thinks they’re the best thing in the world.” You growled. You felt a hand on your wrist, pulling you back. At first, you were going to fight it, until you saw who was holding you back. 

“I do believe my friend here is right.” One of your friends from your trainee days. “They’re quite popular and have never once demanded any kind of recognition in a backstage hall from other idols.” He explained. 

The rookie group looked as if they had seen a ghost. Your friend just so happened to hold a lot of leverage over a lot of places and people. You smiled at him, freeing your wrist and wrapping an arm around his waist. You weren’t small anymore, you were more near his height, which made everything pretty even. 

“Where have you been?” He chuckled as he talked with you. 

“I debuted.” You smiled as you turned with him, turning back to your members. “My members.” You smiled. 

“You debuted with Dreamcatcher, wow.” He whispered. “No wonder you’ve been so quiet.” He chuckled. “I wish you the best of luck on your stage.” He smiled. “Keep in touch kid!” He called out as he left you. 

“You know him?” Bora asked you. 

“Yeah, he helped me when I was a trainee. A lot of things happened and he and a few others looked out for me.” You explained. The girls were all shocked that you had just befriended guys, but it wasn’t entirely shocking to Handong since she had seen it first hand. 

Your stage had gone well. Overwhelmingly well honestly. You smiled as you stood on stage with your members with other groups, just enjoying their company. You had looked over to see Gahyeon interacting with another group, one you weren’t entirely familiar with. You stayed close to Siyeon, holding her hand tightly. 

You had never once let go of another member’s hand during these things. Yes, you were sixteen, but you weren’t about to change the rules. God forbid you got lost again. You just didn’t want that again. 

When you had gotten back to the dressing room, you grabbed your phone out of your hoodie pocket, seeing a few texts from Hyejoo. You smiled as you responded to them, sending a bunch of heart emojis and everything else. You couldn’t help but feel that she had supported you to now end and was always going to support you no matter what. 

That night you ended up video chatting with her, allowing her to help you with your homework. You would’ve gone out to visit her, but since it was promotions week, you couldn’t do anything except practice, perform, school, eat and sleep. Nothing else. 

“Are you going to be free tomorrow?” She asked you. 

“Nope. Going on another show tomorrow.” You sighed as you wrote down the next math problem. “After I will be. If you want to hang out.” You smiled at her. 

“I always want to hang out with you.” You saw her cover her cheeks, knowing that she was blushing. You smiled at her again before showing the problem to her. “Okay, so with this one, you have to do what I say.” She pointed. 

“I promise.” You chuckled.

You just really enjoyed talking with her. Everything just made sense coming from her. You probably just assumed it was some weird infatuation, but you weren’t going to let it go away any time soon.


	30. Thirty

2019 October 

A solo photoshoot schedule. You let out a sigh as you packed your bag for the day, packing a portable charger as well as your own charger for your phone. You packed a few other things to keep you entertained, as it was going to be a literal seven hours. You didn’t want to go, but this was what you had signed up for. 

“Unnie, do you want to go with me?” You asked Siyeon. 

“Is it bad to say that I want to be lazy today?” Siyeon asked you. You gave her a pout, watching her return it right back. “We can hang out after.” She smiled. 

“We can play smash?” You asked her. 

“As long as I get to be Pikachu, yes.” She chuckled. “I’ll see you when you get home okay?” She sat up to give you a hug, happy that you had wanted her to go with you. But she really just wanted to stay in the dorm and really relax. She had been working nonstop since Dong had left. 

You never admitted it, but now that Dong was gone, you really had no one. Yoohyeon tried her best to attempt to learn games you and Dong had played together, but to no avail were they ever the same. Yoohyeon didn’t know how to play Xiangqi and although she tried, she wasn’t the best at it. Dong and you could go for hours playing the game whenever you had days off. 

It was like your best friend had left you all over again. Granted, you knew she was safe and just doing a show that you could watch on your laptop, but still. You missed talking to her and hearing her little words of encouragement that no one else could really understand. 

The entire photo shoot was amazing. It was the first for your group really since you hadn’t been asked by anyone. But you were selected by a few fashion designers from China to give them a sample of what you could do. It made you a little giddy to think about honestly. Everything about it was incredibly professional and you did your best to try and fit in. You had done many photoshoots before, but with your members. And they all had a certain concept. Never a free one like this. 

“What do you do?” One of the designers asked you. 

“I’m an idol.” You answered. 

“And your concept?” She asked. 

“Nightmare.” You answered. “We each represent a nightmare.” 

“How old are you?” 

“Sixteen.” 

That was when you really knew they had no idea who they were working with. You had learned that they had just seen a pretty face with, to their standards, perfect proportions. You waited the conversation out, listening to them talk to your managers. Which of course took time. Eventually, you were given a crash course on how to take certain pictures and how to present yourself. 

Turns out, you were really good at it. 

You were amazing at holding what Siyeon always called, resting bitch face, but to them, it was beyond perfect for photos. They changed a few dresses to fit a concept you were used to and eased into everything else. 

You were moved outside to take night shots as everything was taking a lot of time. After the first few hundred photos were taken, you were allowed to look at a few, gasping when you saw how amazing they had looked. 

“You seem to have a skill.” The photographer smiled. “The camera likes you.” He chuckled. 

You felt really happy hearing those words. 

It was near nine when everything was finished. You had already eaten as they picked photos, your managers explained that you needed to be home before your curfew of ten-thirty, so everything was stopped and would continue the next month. You were excited to work with them again, excited to see what the outcome would be with this. 

You sat in the car, right behind your manager on the passenger side. You noticed that it had started to rain, causing a little gloom in your head. You didn’t like rain that much. You honestly preferred snow over rain sometimes. But you were a fan of the warmer weather, being able to bask in the sun and just feel warm. 

You put your earbuds in, choosing to play a game on your phone while you listened to music. You were so invested in your game you didn’t hear your manager until he reached behind the seat to catch your attention. You quickly paused the game and your music, looking at him.

“Tell Minji you’ll be home in an hour and to make sure the dorm isn’t locked.” He explained. 

“Okie.” You quickly typed the message to your leader, getting a quick reply that she would be up when you would get home. “She said okay.” You answered before going back to your game. 

It was a good thing you had distracted yourself. You didn’t notice anything else except the little character on your screen or the music in your ears. You didn’t notice that at the intersection, your manager waited those few extra seconds after the light changed. You didn’t notice that when he did start to go out that there was a maniac of a driver going right towards you, with failed brakes. 

You felt nothing but pain, your vision was blurry and the pain in your head had nearly matched everything else. You were dizzy, you hurt, you were somehow getting wet and you just didn’t know anything. You tried to look around, but everything hurt.

You didn’t know that Minji continued to check her phone, checking the minutes as they passed over the hour you had promised. You didn’t know that she had stayed up so much later than normal just waiting for you. 

By midnight she was fighting sleep when she was jolted from her spot on the couch. She had heard someone running down the hallway. 

“Y/N-ah was in an accident,” Siyeon warned her. “My parents are coming to get me.” She explained as she got herself ready. 

Minji knew something terrible had happened to you.


	31. Thirty-One

2019 October

You had no idea where you were, but when you had come to, you were grateful that the room was dimmed. You had a pounding headache and everything felt numb and painful at the same time. It hurt to breathe, so you tried not to take deep breaths, only taking what you thought you had needed. 

“I think she’s starting to wake up.” You heard a male voice whisper. 

“How can you tell?” Another voice asked. 

“She looks like she’s in pain.” 

You felt a hand reach out to hold your left hand, squeezing it slightly. 

“Y/N-ah… Please wake up.” You recognized Siyeon’s voice. You didn’t know who all was there, so you just let yourself attempt to relax. You tried to fight the pain, but eventually, you had to face it. You peeked to see everything blurry. You guessed you didn’t have contacts in anymore since it was all just extremely blurry and fairly distorted. 

“Help.” You muttered, your voice was hoarse, and it hurt to even speak, your entire right side of your face felt extremely sore and you just wanted to cry. 

“She’s awake!” You recognized someone else’s voice but everything was foggy in your mind. You couldn’t really tell anything apart and it was terrifying.

After you had woken up fully, you were examined and left alone again. You let out a sigh, seeing people walk back into your room after a few minutes. You recognized one of them immediately, seeing Siyeon looking at you with a solemn expression. 

“Y/N-ah… How are you feeling?” The older woman asked you. You gave her a confused look, unable to really tell who she was. She looked just like Siyeon, so you had just assumed that she was her mother. But why were they there? 

“I… hurt.” You whispered. 

“Do you remember anything from two nights ago?” The male asked you. You shook your head, staring at them with confused eyes. 

“You got into a car accident after a solo shoot,” Siyeon explained. You looked at her, unable to tell if it was really her. Her face was almost the same, but her hair was longer, darker, and she sounded the same… The last thing you had really remembered was her having bangs and shorter hair. 

“You look confused…” The male spoke. 

“I… I don’t remember much…” You whispered. “I… I want my mom…” You were on the verge of tears. “Where is she?” You asked quietly. 

“I don’t think… She remembers anything…” Siyeon whispered. “Y/N-ah, do you know the date?” She asked you. 

“No..” You mumbled. 

“What do you remember?” The woman asked you. You tried to remember something, but it hurt your head to try and remember something significant. 

“Button.” You whispered. “Is he okay?” You asked. 

A multitude of doctors had checked you out, multiple scans, tests, and even special doctors had examined you. All of them confirming that you didn’t have amnesia, but you were just dealing with jumbled memories. You had a moderate traumatic brain injury, which had resulted in you jumbling everything. You would forget some things, but remember others. 

It hurt you the most hearing that Button and your mother had passed away. You didn’t want to talk to anyone for a few hours, trying to process everything yet again. 

You hated being stuck in the hospital bed, eating food that you really didn’t want. Your stomach hurt and you could barely chew. Which limited you to strictly soups or mashed foods. Siyeon stayed with you most of the time, she had explained that you were adopted into her family again, making her parents your parents. You didn’t understand why, but you just accepted it since it was already done. 

“Y/N-ah?” You heard someone speak as well as a knock on the door. You looked up and recognized your members, but noticed one was missing. 

“Where’s Dong?” You asked Siyeon. 

“She’s in China.” She reminded you. She had told you everything, almost every day. She would greet you and answer any questions you had. Some days were better than others, but the questions were always the same. 

“Oh.” You mumbled. 

“How are you feeling?” Yoohyeon asked you. 

“Hurt.” You whispered. You watched as Dami and Bora reached for pens, doodling on your cast without saying anything. They always doodled on your cast the second they walked in before greeting you. Dami usually drew bears and pandas while Bora drew whatever came to her mind at the moment. 

“Do you remember us today?” Gahyeon asked you. 

“Yes.” You answered. You had a moment of forgetting who they all were a few days prior, which had broken all of their hearts. 

“Good.” Bora smiled at you. 

Minji walked around to your non-broken side, taking your hand in hers. She was always quiet when they visited. Everything was too much for everyone and they usually tried not to overwhelm you. But you noticed how quiet she was, and it worried you. 

“Unnie… Are you okay?” You asked her. She nodded her head, choosing not to say anything. You decided to leave her be, knowing that she would talk to you later on if she wanted to. 

After a few hours, everyone but Yoohyeon had left, leaving the two of you alone. It was quiet at first until she got closer. 

“Your girlfriend reached out to me.” She whispered. You gave her a confused look, shocked that she would say anything like that. “I know jumbled memories. Here.” She pulled out her phone, showing you a few pictures of you and her. “Anything?” She asked you. 

“Hyejoo?” You asked. 

“Yes. You guys started going out over the summer.” She explained. “Do you remember?” She asked. 

“A little bit…” You admitted. It was all fuzzy, but you remembered little bits. It made you happy to think about it. 

“She’s… Really upset.” She sighed. “She was texting your phone and I had answered the call when everyone was gone… I explained everything to her and she just wants to make sure you’re okay. I gave her my number so I could give her updates.” She further explained. 

“Is she okay?” You asked. 

“She is.” Yoohyeon smiled, reaching for your hand. “Everything is still a secret between both of you. No one except I knows about you two.” She reminded you of that one fact. You nodded your head, understanding what she had said. “Do you want me to bring her in one day?” She asked. 

“I want to see her… Yes please.” You whispered.


	32. Thirty-Two

2019 November

You had gone through extensive therapy. You had a broken right arm, right leg, two broken ribs, a dislocated left knee, and a few facial injuries. You had your eyes checked out, and not only were you dealing with your usual sight issues, but you had developed blue-yellow color blindness in your right eye. The doctors had explained it as tritanopia, which made you unable to really tell the difference between a lot of colors. 

“No one else is here?” You looked up to see Yoohyeon standing in the doorway. You were alone today. Your parents were working and Siyeon was busy in the studio. 

“No…” You answered. 

“Perfect.” Yoohyeon smiled, walking in with Hyejoo right behind her. Your face lit up at the sight of her when she hurried to your non-broken side. She was silent for a few moments, her eyes full of tears when she saw your current state. 

“It isn’t as bad as it looks…” You whispered. 

“Seeing as you forget who people are and your life every other hour… I think it’s bad.” She sniffed. You reached for her hand, holding it tightly as she let a few tears fall. Yoohyeon had stepped out, allowing you two some privacy since it was clear she was visibly upset. “I thought I lost you.” She wiped a few tears from her face as she spoke. “I came out to my parents because I had to explain why I was crying so hard.” She whispered. 

“What?” You were shocked. You knew that both of you were absolutely terrified of coming out to your parents. 

“Yeah…” She sniffed. “They were upset at first… But accept it… They’re happy I have someone, but… more concerned about the idol life with us.” She sighed. You nodded your head, watching her carefully. “I’m guessing you’re still afraid?” She chuckled nervously. 

“Yeah… I can’t… I… I just don’t know how they’ll react.” You whispered. 

“Are you one of Y/N’s friends?” You both jumped at the sudden voice, seeing your mother walk in. 

“Yes,” Hyejoo answered for you. She looked at you, giving you a sympathetic look. “We go to school together.” She further added. 

“Oh, wonderful.” Your mother smiled. “Are you both in the same grade?” She asked. 

“No… I graduate in February.” Hyejoo explained. “My member is her best friend.” She smiled.

“Little Yeojin?” She asked you. 

“Yes.” You answered after a long pause, trying to remember her. You watched your mother nod her head, looking down at your intertwined hands. It made Hyejoo nervous, so she ended up letting go. 

“What is your name?” Your mother asked. 

“Hyejoo.” She answered quietly. You watched her start to get antsy. You looked out at the doorway and saw Yoohyeon giving you a panicked look. 

“Could you give Y/N-ah and I a moment’s privacy?” She asked. “You can come back in a few minutes.” She smiled. Hyejoo nodded, heading out to be with Yoohyeon while your mother looked at you. “Do you have something to tell me about that girl?” She asked quietly. 

“She’s… and idol…” You answered quietly. 

“And?” She asked. 

You looked down at your lap, wondering if you really should tell her. You felt tears forming in your eyes, your head was beginning to hurt again and you just wanted her to be okay with you. 

“Y/N-ah?” She whispered. 

“I’m dating her.” You sniffed. “I think I like girls more than guys.” You whispered. “Please don’t hate me.” You cried quietly, honestly terrified of her response. It was quiet for a few moments, which was starting to get painful. 

“I don’t hate you.” She whispered. “She seems like a very nice girl.” She gave you a smile, happy that you finally told her. “If you like girls, then you like girls. I’m not going to stop loving you.” She smiled at you, allowing you to feel some sense of relief. “What does concern me is her age.” 

“We were going to break up before her birthday…” You admitted.

“Are you sure you want to?” She asked. You shook your head, knowing that you really didn’t want to break things off with Hyejoo right away. Especially for that reason. “How about we talk with her and her parents… See where everyone stands.” 

“Okay…” You whispered. 

The rest of Hyejoo’s time with you was spent with your mother talking with her. It was a little awkward, but she seemed happy. Yoohyeon had joined in since she had hidden when she saw your mother, but everything seemed to balance out. 

You spent the next few weeks in the hospital, leaving you only. A few more weeks left in an arm cast, another five months with the leg cast, and another few weeks left of pain with your ribs. You had a wheelchair for the time being since you couldn’t carry yourself on crutches at all. It hurt way too much and you couldn’t handle it. 

At that time, your parents had met Hyejoo’s parents and they had a fairly long conversation about your relationship with her. They approved with conditions which made you both extremely happy. Neither of you really had time to even talk to one another in person, leaving it to be assumed as a 'long-distance’ relationship with how busy the two of you were. 

Your members had gone on another tour without you after they were certain you had left the hospital. You were back home with your parents and Carpet. Some days you had gotten confused as to why you had a pink hedgehog, only for you to remember you couldn’t see her colors properly. Other days you would wonder where Button had gone, only for you to remember hours later that he had passed away. 

Every day was different for you and it seemed to be a never-ending nightmare. 

A public statement was made about your accident and no matter how many fans flooded your feed with positive messages, the negative ones would slip through, saying horrible things. Some even hoped that you never returned to the group. Others wishing your death had happened that night instead. 

You stayed up late crying, not understanding why they would be this cruel to you in the first place. You didn’t think you had done anything horrible to them, but here they were, assuming you were some kind of horrible person...


	33. Thirty-Three

2020 January

You were mentally screaming at the news. A pandemic of all things. Your group had scheduled a comeback for seven of you, and now Dong was stuck in China. You had barely gotten your arm cast off after the holidays and now only had your leg cast. You still couldn’t see anything other than shades of green and red, which absolutely sucked. 

“Y/N-ah, can you tell Siyeon it’s almost time for dinner.” Your mother called you. 

Because of the pandemic, all of the girls decided to quarantine with their families after the holidays without being exposed to anyone else before merging again as a group. There was a strong debate as to where you would go, which ultimately ended in you staying in the dorm with them since you needed to be in a bubble. 

Your physical therapist would go to the company for your visits. Any other doctor appointments would be handled by your managers with Siyeon’s accompaniment. 

“Unnie…” You knocked on her door, seeing her laying on her back with earbuds in. You used your crutches to walk into her room, tapping her arm and startling her slightly. “It’s almost time for dinner.” You told her. 

“Okay.” She muttered. It was clear she was still catching up on the missed sleep from the recent tour. 

“Do you need help?” She asked you as you tried to maneuver around her mess of a room. 

“Yeah…” You mumbled. She took your crutches from you, taking them to the hallway before helping you walk out without slipping on her mess. “Thanks.” You sighed. 

Dinner was usually quiet, especially since all of you were confined to your homes. You were naturally an introvert but Siyeon on the other hand was struggling. But you would talk with her even if you forgot who she was sometimes. 

When you were allowed back into the dorms after extensive cleaning, you were greeted by everyone with a hug. You had trouble remembering names, but you knew their faces and that was enough for you. 

“How are you feeling?” Minji, you assumed, asked you. 

“Better.” You whispered. 

Your face had a giant scar, leading from the upper part of your right cheek down to your chin. You had little scars that scattered themselves near your eye from the glass cutting into your skin. The doctors had taken out what they could, but they advised that the body would push out what they couldn’t get. Which meant you would have glass bits just poking out of your skin one day. 

You saw the pain in their eyes when they looked at you. Every single one of them felt some sort of pity on you because you had the accident and none of them did. 

“We have a schedule for filming,” Gahyeon whispered. “Y/N is able to do it right?” She asked Siyeon. 

“The doctors said as long as she’s sitting she can.” She explained to you. 

All of you had spent a lot of time in the company, recording a new full album. It was a lot of work, but you had done it all while in your wheelchair, and some of it sitting on a stool while recording the songs. 

You sat in the van, going to the location to start filming and you felt horrible. Your head was pounding and you just wanted to sleep. So you did. 

When you got to set, you were immediately in awe of how much everything was changed. You wandered in, most of the stylists shocked to see you in crutches. 

“How is she going to perform?” Your stylist frowned. 

“Cinematics only.” Your manager pointed. 

You were happy to be working again, but everything was jumbled in your head again. So you just chose not to talk to anyone. You kept silent as they worked. Your makeup was flawless and your scars were covered. You let out a sigh when you saw how they were covered. No doubt they would edit out the imperfections for the video. 

“Uncover the eye scars.” Your manager directed the makeup stylist. 

“Are you sure?” She frowned. 

“Yes, it’ll work perfectly.” He smiled. 

You had gone through your day just listening to orders and going over the lyrics that were in your hands on a sheet of paper. You couldn’t remember some of the words sometimes, but to be fair, you only had a month to learn every single song on the album. 

“Miki!” You turned your head to the name, seeing your members approaching you. It was clear they were dead set on making you happy. 

“Are you okay?” 

You looked at them, your head scrambling for their names. You shook your head, looking away from them. You just looked down at the paper in your hands, eventually closing your eyes at how bright everything was. 

“Is your head hurting?” 

You stayed silent, your eyes closed as you tried to push the pain away. It didn’t take long for more people to surround you, all of them asking if you were okay. Within a few minutes, a woman had cleared a path, kneeling in front of you. 

“Y/N-ah… Talk to me.” 

You shied away from her, trying to just find some kind of silence. You looked over, recognizing the man who was your manager. You didn’t even know what to say. You hurt way too much to even begin to function. 

You found yourself in a waiting room, the lights completely dimmed as you sat on the couch with a blanket covering you. You were falling in and out of sleep, unaware of everything going on around you. You had no idea how long it had been until you felt little touches on your thighs. You opened your eyes to see a cat climbing on you, and you smiled and pet the unfamiliar cat. 

“Hello, fluffy baby.” You whispered. “Where did you come from?” You asked. 

You stayed with the cat for a while until the door opened, revealing the same woman from before. 

“Are you feeling better?” 

You stayed silent, unsure of who she was and why she cared so much about you. You saw another person pop up behind her and approach you carefully. 

“Y/N-ah?” 

You recognized the voice and looked at her. 

“Gahyeon unnie… What happened?” You frowned. 

“You remember me?” She asked as she sat down next to you. You nodded your head, watching her. “Do you know her?” She pointed to the woman, causing you to shake your head. “That’s your sister…” She whispered. 

“I don’t have a sister…” You muttered.


	34. Thirty-Four

2020 February 

You had no idea how you managed to film your parts, but after that first day, your managers had figured it out. You had gone a couple of days without recognizing people, but you had eventually gotten it back. Siyeon had taken your phone, changing a lot of things on it in case you had another episode. She had taken off your passcode lock, changed your wallpaper to something familiar, and changed all of your emergency contacts to show up right away in case you were in any kind of danger. 

“Unnie, this isn’t funny.” You whispered as you watched them write name tags down. 

“You had a few days where you didn’t remember any of us.” Siyeon frowned. “We didn’t like it.” She looked terrified that you had forgotten who they were. 

You didn’t know that it had really hurt them. You thought that they were just going to live with it as you did. But it had really shaken them up. Siyeon didn’t sleep at all during those nights, staying up wondering if you would ever begin to remember them again. But you had woken up the next day remembering everyone. 

You stayed silent, watching them create their name tags for when you would forget them. You hoped that you wouldn’t ever have another moment like that. You hated not remembering them. 

You watched them promote the new comeback, and you let out a sigh as you struggled. You had gone with them one day, deciding to sit in the dressing room since you didn’t want to stay in the dorm. 

Fans screamed when they saw you, causing you to have a pounding headache almost instantly. You ended up sitting in a dark closet with the door cracked as they did their best to stay quiet until your headache started to go away. 

“We’re going out okay…? Do you want to put in earplugs and watch us from the side stage?” Siyeon asked you, her voice a little above a whisper. 

“Am I allowed?” You asked. 

“Manager said it would be fine as long as you had your mask.” She explained. You nodded your head, grabbing your mask to walk out with them. You stayed behind them, walking through on your crutches with your hoodie on. You hated how you looked compared to everyone else. 

You had gained weight from lack of exercise and eating in the hospital. You had restricted yourself when you were released, knowing that your physical therapy wouldn’t be enough to help you lose weight. You had scars on your face, you were just different from everyone else now. 

“Miki, you can stay here.” Your manager pointed to a chair where you could still watch them, but be completely out of sight. You made your way over, sitting next to him as you watched them get set up. 

Every single negative thought had run through your mind. 

You were the weakest and youngest. Someone that dragged the group down because you had school. Granted it was all online now and you were breezing through your classes faster, you still felt horrible. 

When they were done with the stage, you felt another headache coming. You knew it was going to be horrible. So you kept the earplugs in and tried your best to keep your composure. Everything was just beginning to be way too much. 

At the dorm, you hid in your room, laying in the dark comforts of your bed. Carpet was asleep in her cage next to your bed, completely content with the world. You were happy that you had a cute hedgehog in your life again, but there were days where you had missed Button. Sometimes, you would go through photos of Button only to end up finding photos of you and your mom with Button. It had always made your headache worse. 

Everything was overwhelming when your cast had been resized by the end of the month. You were so close to getting rid of the damn thing you couldn’t wait. You were still on crutches, but you did your best to manage without them when you were alone in the room. 

“Y/N-ah!” 

You let out a small sigh, looking up from your laptop. Another day where you were jumbling everything as you tried to focus on school. It was helpful that you had taken extra classes before, cancelling your struggle with math for your last year. 

“What?” You called out. You had no idea who was yelling for you, and you were in the middle of class. 

“Are you going to eat lunch?” You looked up to see one of your members looking at you. Could you name them? Nope. You just knew it had to be one of them. 

“I’m in class.” You muttered. 

“You can still eat.” 

“I’m not hungry…” You whispered. 

On especially bad days, you hid from them. It was horrible living with people you couldn’t remember on some days. You didn’t know how to act, didn’t know how to do anything around them. It was almost as if everything was horrible. 

“Y/N-ah.” 

You looked up, seeing a girl in front of you. 

“You wanted me to cut your bangs today.” 

“Who?” You asked her. 

“Minji unnie.” You saw the disappointment in her face, but it was routine. Routine for everyone. You would just ask who they were, and they would tell you. 

You sat in front of her in the bathroom, knowing at least to stay still. You had bangs for god knows how long. Your mother used to cut them all the time, saying how it framed your face perfectly. Now, you just knew she was gone, your hedgehog was gone, and everything was just really bad. 

“I know you don’t remember us right now, but I want you to know we love you very much,” Minji whispered. “Especially me.” She chuckled as she continued to trim your bangs. 

“I know.” You mumbled. “You say it every time.” 

“What do you remember?” She asked. 

You were quiet, your head pounding as you tried to think of the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Dong.” You muttered. “Where is she?” You asked. 

“She’s in China…” Minji sighed. “She’s going to be for a while.” She frowned. 

“Did she go home?” You asked, afraid of her answer. 

“She went for a show. She was supposed to come back but there is a very bad sickness right now.” She explained to you. You hummed, not moving your head at all. “There.” She whispered as she combed through your bangs. “Now we can see your pretty face.” She smiled. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, seeing all of the scars all over your face. You didn’t know how it was pretty. You really didn’t. 

“Thank you.” You whispered.


	35. Thirty-Five

2020 April

You had gotten your cast off and had been stuck with a boot for your ankle. Your broken leg had healed but your ankle wasn’t quite healed yet. Your memory wasn’t nearly as bad as it was a few months prior, you just had off moments here and there that never lasted more than a few hours instead of a few days. 

You were happy to not need crutches, but you were nowhere near back to normal. You were doing more physical therapy to strengthen your legs again, working out on a daily basis just to make yourself get back to where you were. You were happy to have a support system as well, not only from your members but from your friends as well. 

You and Hyejoo had tried your best to keep things together, video chatting almost every day that caused you to almost be caught by your members at times. 

You laid in bed, listening to her talk about her day. You just smiled at her, happy that she was still this excited to talk to you. 

On your horrible days, Yoohyeon would text her, telling her how bad it was on a scale of one to ten. It always worked, granted, Hyejoo was always hurt. You wouldn’t text her, you wouldn’t talk to her. But you always made it up to her when you felt back to yourself, focusing on her solely when you weren’t busy. 

“So you didn’t do anything besides school?” She chuckled. 

“Yeah, I finished early though.” You shrugged. “So I really just need to finish my homework.” You sighed. 

“Do you know if you have another comeback scheduled?” She asked. 

“I think we have something planned soon. I probably won’t participate in promotions again, but I’ll be in the music video and stuff.” You explained. 

“I miss you.” She sighed. “Like… I miss holding your hand… And stuff.” She pouted. You smiled at her, letting out a small laugh when you saw the blush creep up on her cheeks. You started to tease her, earning her whines. “Stop…” She whined. 

“You’re cute.” You smiled. 

“Who’s cute?” You jumped at the sudden voice, ending the call when you heard Bora’s voice. 

“What?” You looked at her, seeing her raise an eyebrow at you. “What?” You repeated, unsure of why she was still waiting for an answer. 

“Nothing.” She chuckled as she climbed onto her bed. You rolled over, checking your phone to see a text from Hyejoo. You let out a sigh, texting her that one of your members had walked in. She sent back a frowning emoji, causing you to sigh. 

You dragged yourself out of bed, careful to not put too much pressure on your right leg as you walked out of your room. You limped as you walked, using the wall to steady yourself. You didn’t hear anything from the living room, but when you walked in, you saw Dami reading a book and the tv was turned on with the volume low. 

You rolled your eyes as you made your way to the little patio, putting your earbuds in, and sat on the chair. It was a little chilly, but it was manageable as you hit call on the video chat again. 

“I thought you couldn’t.” Hyejoo’s voice muttered. 

“I went outside.” You answered as you propped your leg up on the table in front of you. “But as I was saying… You’re cute.” You chuckled. You watched her roll her eyes, a smile appearing on her face. “Are you guy’s planning on anything soon?” You asked her. 

It had been a while for both of you, a few months after a comeback and you knew you were about to jump back into performing again. Which meant you needed to get back on everything. 

You didn’t mind seeing a doctor almost every other week. You didn’t mind taking your medication every single day for possibly the rest of your life to manage your depression, anxiety, and now your mental status. Your doctors warned you to take things easy since you were still recovering from the accident. 

You couldn’t dance all too much because of the risk of making your head injury worse. You were barely at your six-month mark, which gave you a bit of wiggle room, but not enough. Your doctors had advised that maybe you would be cleared by the end of the year to go back to your activities. You were allowed to work out to get back down to your target weight, and physical therapy to gain your strength back, but nothing too intense. 

“I haven’t heard much yet. With Haseul unnie gone… It’s hard to tell.” Hyejoo explained. 

“Is everything okay with her?” You asked. 

You always asked how she was and how her group was. You knew Siyeon was friendly with Heejin, while you were pretty much the merger between the two groups. You had met them all a few times, immediately clicking with Vivi, their Hong Kong member. Of course, due to our accident, your Cantonese failed you miserably and you couldn’t even communicate properly due to how out of practice you were. You felt your Mandarin slipping at times until Dong would call you and strictly speak Mandarin to keep your skills sharp. 

“She hasn’t told us a lot, but she’s managing.” Hyejoo sighed. “I just want her to be okay and healthy.” 

“Good.” You whispered. 

You heard the door opening, causing you to hide your phone. When you looked up you saw that it was Yoohyeon, which meant you didn’t need to hide. 

“Are you on the phone?” She asked you. 

“Yeah… Why?” You frowned. She got closer, peeking to see Hyejoo. She gave a quick wave and smile, chuckling slightly. 

“You have a doctor’s appointment in like an hour. Managers are coming soon.” Yoohyeon reminded you. You looked at her, shocked that she had remembered that information and you hadn’t. “Siyeon told me to remind you.” She laughed. 

“Of course she did.” You laughed. 

You and Yoohyeon had been deemed the most forgetful members since your accident. Yours wasn’t by choice, but naturally, you tried to remember. 

You had said your goodbye to Hyejoo, explaining the doctor’s appointment. She wished you well and reminded you to wear masks. Everything a cautious girlfriend would say. 

“You two are cute.” Yoohyeon chuckled. 

“Thanks, unnie.” You sighed. “I just wish I could see her. I’m getting tired of staying inside.” You chuckled. 

“Have to. To make sure it doesn’t spread.” Yoohyeon sighed.


	36. Thirty-Six

2020 May

You let out a loud cheer as you finished your first semester online. You shut your laptop and carefully walked out to the living room of the dorm. You were alone, your members out promoting something with a boy group while you had stayed behind. You didn’t know if you entirely liked it, but you did your best at managing your feelings. 

You stayed inside, choosing to flip through your mother’s old recipe book to make them all food for when they got back. You sent a text to the group chat after you picked one and made sure you had everything. You told them not to stop for dinner since you would be making it. 

You followed the recipe step by step and had made sure to read the cheat sheet Bora had made for the stove. 

When you were finished, you wished you could see your own work. Everything was various shades of green and pink, making everything incredibly hard to even tell if it was cooked all the way through. You tasted it, making sure it was good and it did remind you of your mother’s cooking. Which was a plus on your end. 

When the girls had gotten home they were shocked to see you already setting the table and getting everything ready for them. You gave them a nervous smile and watched as they walked in. 

“I can’t tell if anything is matching.” You whispered. 

“It’s perfect.” Siyeon smiled at you before hugging you. 

Everyone had loved the meal, all of them complementing your skills they didn’t know you had. Bora gave it two thumbs up, which meant the world since she was the dorm chef. 

After dinner, you helped clean with Bora, keeping quiet as you two washed everything. You didn’t notice that she would glance up at you, seeing all of the different scars you now had. You didn’t know any of their thoughts, but you scared them all to no end. 

You didn’t know that Bora would wake up in the middle of the night just to check if you were breathing. You didn’t know that Minji made sure not to move significant things in the dorm so you wouldn’t get confused. You didn’t know that both Siyeon and Yoohyeon would pick out the different colored candies or anything they knew you didn’t like since you couldn’t tell anymore. You also didn’t know that Dami had actually started to watch videos in a different setting. She had changed her settings on her phone to see what you saw just so she knew what you saw. 

Everyone made sure you were safe and comfortable. Just so you felt normal at times. 

“Do you know if we are doing anything soon?” You asked Bora, snapping her out of her trance. 

“Anything as in comeback wise?” She asked. 

“Yeah.” You muttered. 

“We are going to start learning the songs for the album soon… Do you not remember?” She frowned at you. You looked over at her, shocked that you hadn’t remembered. 

“Must’ve slipped by with all the testing I had…” You mumbled. 

“Just one more semester.” Bora smiled at you. You nodded your head, happy that you would be finally done with school after your winter semester. You were looking forward to finally graduating and just being done with school. 

“Finally.” You sighed. 

You had felt fine, and okay enough to participate in interviews. You were healed and just needed more therapy. Your group was gaining more popularity, and as happy as you were, you still didn’t know if you were even capable of keeping up the facade of being fine. 

You were greeted by the host, who was shocked to see you there. Everyone was shocked in a sense. 

“She’s participating?” He asked them. 

“Yes, if that is alright.” Your manager answered. 

“We were told only six.” He muttered. 

“She had to be cleared last minute. She is apart of Dreamcatcher.” Your manager stated. 

“It’s fine if they aren’t prepared…” You whispered, feeling your hand being squeezed lightly. You looked over to see Siyeon holding it. “I can just wait in a room…” 

“Are you sure?” Your manager asked. 

“Yeah.” You lied. “Have… Headache.” You continued to lie. 

You sat in a dimmed waiting room, the door cracked open as you waited for them to come back from their segment. You saw them on the tv, the volume down extremely low as you watched it. You heard people outside, talking about various things. 

“Did you see the one girl in that group?” 

“Can’t believe her company didn’t force her to have plastic surgery to cover up her scarring. She looks ugly now.” 

“Too bad.” 

You pulled your blanket up tighter, feeling tears forming as you tried to keep yourself quiet. To them, the room was empty. But you were in there, listening to every single hurtful word they had said. 

After three hours, you felt horrible. You had formed a new headache as you ran their conversation in your head. You were the ugly member now. You were the one that held them back the longest. The number of tours they had gone on without you. The number of times they had to change times for everything just to accommodate you. 

You heard their laughter, and immediately you shut your eyes, trying to hide the fact that you had been awake and crying the entire time. Faking sleep. It always worked. 

“Oh, she’s sleeping. Good.” You immediately recognized Siyeon’s voice. 

“Look at her all cuddled up so cute.” Minji’s voice cooed over your ‘sleeping’ form. 

“Someone needs to wake her up so we can get ready to leave.” Your manager called out to them. 

You felt a hand touch your shoulder, shaking you gently to wake you up. You slowly opened your eyes, seeing Dami giving you a small smile. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked you. You shook your head, knowing it had gotten worse. 

You hid in your bed when you had gotten home, refusing to talk to anyone as you laid in the dark. 

You didn’t know when you had stopped using your night light. Frankly, you really didn’t care for it much anymore. You just wanted to sit in the dark where no one could see you and criticize you. You hated everything about yourself and hated it so much more than anyone ever could.


	37. Thirty-Seven

2020 May

You let out a groan in frustration as you tried to do everything the therapist was telling you to do. You felt your entire right side of your body just shaking as you tried to lift the weight with your arm. 

“Just a little higher.” The therapist spoke. 

“I can’t do it.” Your arm dropped, still holding the weight in your hand. “I... I can’t.” You sighed. 

You made little progress that day. You sat in the van on the way back, your manager had already asked how everything had gone. Your therapist told the truth, explaining that you were struggling with a few things. You saw the look of disappointment on his face when he heard that you made little progress. 

When you got back to the dorm, you hid again, choosing not to sit with the girls at all. All of them looked at you when you had walked in, Gahyeon almost immediately lit up, until she had seen you lock yourself in your room. 

You really didn’t want to talk to people. You really just wanted to talk to one person and she was stuck all the way in China because of the stupid virus. You felt tears forming as you sat on your bed, the lump in your throat now hurting you as you tried to hold back your own cries. 

You felt like a nobody again. 

You heard the horrible things people said about you in public, you read the comments online about how the group was somehow better without you. You felt hopeless. Everything and everyone hurting you to the point of no return. You felt like you were drowning in the sea of your own mind. The water being their hurtful words that had turned into your own thoughts. 

You didn’t know when you had fallen asleep, waking up with your hair stuck to your face from crying. You pulled it off, wincing at the pain you had felt. The bedroom door was opened, and it looked like others had been in and out, but you couldn’t entirely tell. You decided to stay in bed, choosing to not bother anyone with your sour mood. 

Until you heard footsteps. 

“Just put her back. You know she doesn’t like when people take her out of the cage.” Minji whispered. 

“I thought Y/N would be okay with me taking her to spend time with her.” Gahyeon’s voice was heard. 

“Y/N wouldn’t care as long as you were gentle.” You heard Siyeon’s voice and a small grunting noise that got louder as the footsteps showed up. “See, she’s grunting. She wants back in her cage.” 

“Are you a hedgehog expert now?” Minji teased. 

“I had to learn quickly when Y/N-ah was in the hospital… And for days she forgot who everyone was.” Siyeon sighed. You heard the little gate open and heard your friend being put back in her cage. You stayed still, not daring to move. 

“Is she awake?” Minji whispered. 

“I’ll check.” You felt the bed dip behind you, quickly closing your eyes again so no one bothered you. “Y/N-ah?” You heard Siyeon’s voice whisper. “I don’t think so.” 

“Let her sleep… Manager said today was tough.” 

You heard shuffling, and someone opening the cage again. You opened your eyes, seeing Siyeon still there with her hand in the cage, petting your hedgehog. You watched her for a minute, seeing her sad eyes. 

“You’re a good friend to her Carpet,” Siyeon whispered. “Sometimes she forgets who you are, but that’s okay… You know she loves you… Just like we know she loves us when she forgets us.” 

“Unnie?” You mumbled, pretending to have just woken up. You watched her jump at the sudden noise, hurriedly shutting the cage and locking it before looking at you.

“Hey…” She gave you a tired smile before she sat on your bed. “Did you rest well?” You shook your head, watching her frown at you. “We heard that today was tough.” She whispered. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. You felt tears forming again, pulling the blanket up to attempt to cover yourself. 

Siyeon didn’t say a thing, only choosing to lay in the bed with you as you cried. She held you tightly, allowing everything to just escape. It felt comforting to be held, mainly because you hadn’t been held in so long. Your members had always hugged you and held your hand, but holding had stopped once you started to outgrow most of them. 

You missed the days when you were smaller than them, having them easily carry you everywhere. Teasing you about your height and calling you a true baby. 

You remembered running around the courtyard with Siyeon on your very first day of moving in with all of them. You remembered her just playing with you all the time. Making sure you had some sort of fun. Even if she was legitimately making an idiot of herself just to make you laugh. 

You remembered all of the members doing it. Minji would make sure your laundry was always done and perfect for school while Bora made your lunches and breakfasts. Dami would watch different animes with you and Yoohyeon and Gahyeon would game with you and teach you everything you needed to know about certain games. 

Every single one of them had taken care of you. But the one that really took the most care was Dong and you missed her greatly. 

She was the one that understood everything perfectly when you couldn’t voice what you had felt. Always resorting back to Cantonese, which caught her attention when you were struggling the most. 

“I miss Dong unnie.” You sniffed. 

“I miss her too,” Siyeon whispered. 

You held onto her shirt, not wanting her to leave you alone. Yes, you had wanted to be alone, but where had it gotten you? You felt lost. Lost without your members. 

“I don’t want to go alone next time.” You whispered. 

“Alone?” Siyeon asked. “Where?” She frowned. 

“Therapy.” You answered quietly. 

“Okay… Who do you want to go with you?” She asked you. 

“Anyone… I don’t want to be alone there.” You sniffed. “It’s hard.” Your voice wavered slightly, just the mere thought of having to go back with zero energy was going to hurt you. 

“We’ll go with you.” She whispered. “We won’t leave you alone.”


	38. Thirty-Eight

2020 June

“Yeah! You can do it!” Bora cheered you on, smiling at you as you lifted the weights. It had been two weeks since your last breakdown and you really didn’t know why you hadn’t asked them to come sooner. 

Your members had agreed to rotate, each one taking turns to be your moral support while you tried to recover the best you could. Minji always took the role of supportive mother to you, Bora as your overly supportive mother, Siyeon a caring yet understanding older sister who told you that you could do it and stop being lazy, Yoohyeon always reminded you that you could take a break, Dami the same as her while Gahyeon gave you silent support. 

“Good job today.” Your therapist chuckled. 

“She’s done?” Bora asked, shocked that you had finished quickly.

“It’s been an hour.” He laughed. 

You sat in the van with her, watching as she started to fiddle with her phone. You raised an eyebrow at her, watching her look at you. 

“We have to go grocery shopping.” She chuckled. 

“And?” You asked her. 

“I want to record it.” She smiled. 

“You can.” You laughed. You watched her start to record, laughing to herself as she greeted no one. 

You stopped by the company to pick Gahyeon up since she had been aware of the shopping trip. She climbed into the van, smiling at you when she climbed in. They chatted for a little while before Bora grabbed her phone, tilting it towards you. 

“Miki is here.” She smiled. You waved at the camera, covering your face since you hadn’t been shown since the accident. “She is gaining her strength again and looks amazing.” She smiled. You rolled your eyes at her before looking back out the window. 

When you arrived at the store you made sure your mask was on, looking at your members put theirs on. Bora held onto her phone while Gahyeon held your hand. A habit you never broke ever. 

“Miki, can you reach it?” Bora asked you, watching you grab the cereal box with ease. “So great to have a tall person.” She laughed. 

You pouted at her, watching her immediately coo over you as she continued to load the shopping cart that you held onto. Eventually, you resorted to holding Bora’s hand as you made your way through, only for you to start to slow down about an hour in. 

“Are you okay?” Your manager asked. 

“Just tired…” You muttered. “I’ll be okay.” You shrugged off the growing pain you were feeling in your leg, choosing to ignore it and just push through it since you were almost done anyway. You had done worse before. 

When you got back to the dorm, you winced as you slipped your shoes off, limping slightly as you walked to the common room. As soon as you sat down on the couch, you heard Minji already yelling for you to clean the mess you had left in your room before your therapy session. 

“I’ll do it later.” You muttered. 

“Later as in?” She asked you as she walked into the living room. “You know Bora doesn’t like a mess.” She pointed. 

“I’m sore… I just need to rest.” You whispered as you propped your legs up on the couch, wincing when you touched your bad leg. 

“Did you do a lot today?” She frowned. 

“I did therapy and made really good progress. But then I went grocery shopping with Bora and Gahyeon unnie.” You pouted. “I didn’t think it would take so long.” You frowned while you explained what had happened and why you felt that way. 

“Rest then. She can suffer through a little mess.” She whispered. You smiled at her, happy that she understood you were in pain. 

By dinner, you still felt pain, which was odd. You never felt this much pain and you knew it was from overdoing it with movement. You were only two months out of fully being able to walk so everything had to be retaught. Your arms killed you when you had to use crutches, so you hardly moved unless you absolutely needed to. 

“Your mess is still in the room.” Bora reminded you. 

“It’s just legos.” You grumbled. “And it’s in the box.” You muttered. 

“The box doesn’t belong on the floor.” 

“Okay, okay.” You frowned. You waited for her to walk away from you, leaving you alone as you attempted to get off the couch. You used the arm as your support, choosing to not put that much weight on your right leg. Until you realized there was a gap between the couch and the wall. You pushed through the pain, forcing yourself to put weight on it as you made your way to the wall. 

By the time you made it to your room, you fell to the floor, letting out a groan. You were exhausted. Everything in your leg hurt and you just wanted to chop it off at this point. You could dance with one leg. You would attempt. 

You found the lid to your lego box, pushing it under the bed with the rest of the instructions just so Bora could get off your back about the mess. You stayed on the floor, just not finding it in you to get up and move. 

Until Yoohyeon walked in. 

“I almost stepped on you.” She gasped. 

“Just end me.” You frowned. “I can’t get up.” You sighed. 

“I won’t end you.” Yoohyeon laughed. “But I can help you.” 

“Okay then, correction. I don’t want to get up.” You pointed. She rolled her eyes at you, deciding to help you up anyway, watching you lean on your bunk bed for support. 

“Need some more help?” She asked quietly. You nodded, allowing her to wrap an arm around your waist to help you walk out without putting too much weight on your leg. “How are you and you know who?” She smirked. 

“Good. We might meet up next week if everything looks good.” You explained. 

“Good. Please be safe… We don’t need a scare.” She whispered. 

“I will unnie.” You smiled.


	39. Thirty-Nine

2020 July

You sat in a hidden area, hidden from the world. A building that was almost always abandoned no matter what people did to it. They tried to modernize it, only for people to never go inside and admire the inside work. Only for them to admire the outside and take pictures. 

Hyejoo had hurried in, smiling at you as she ran to you. 

“You’ve been in quarantine?” You asked her. 

“Of course. My company hasn’t even let me see my own family.” She chuckled. 

“Good.” You smiled as you stood up, allowing her to hug you. “I missed you.” You whispered. 

“I missed you too.” She whispered as she held onto you. You rested your head on top of hers, feeling her arms tighten around your waist. “How are you feeling?” She asked. 

“Better.” You answered quietly. 

The two of you sat and talked about various things, enjoying each other’s company as you both played with each other’s hands. Hyejoo traced over your scars that lined your right arm, a pout on her face as she tried not to cry. 

“I’m here.” You whispered, holding her hand tightly. 

“I know… But you…” She sniffed. “I was so scared.” She cried quietly. 

It was silent for a moment, the only sounds heard were Hyejoo’s small sniffles and the wind that would pick up every now and then. You just enjoyed each other being there, soaking in what you could since you knew it was going to be a while before you saw each other again. 

“Do you ever think about life?” You whispered. 

“As in?” Hyejoo muttered. 

“What if something else had happened… To change your life.” You answered her. “Like… If I hadn’t become an idol…” You whispered. You felt a hand hit your arm, frowning at the pain you felt momentarily. 

“Don’t say that.” She whispered. “I don’t want to think of a life without you.” She frowned. 

“I’m being serious…” You pouted. “What if you hadn’t become an idol?” You asked her. You watched her look away from you, looking at the ground as she held your hand tighter. “Hyejoo?” You frowned. 

“Did I ever tell you how long I trained for?” She whispered, watching you shake your head. “I… Essentially trained for a day before debuting.” She sighed. “I was really lucky to have my dream come true so quickly. Everyone else had been working for years, or months, just… Longer… I felt… Kind of cast-off… Just pushed through so no one else could deal with me.” She explained. “I’m still afraid that one day it’ll end. I’ll wake up and everything isn’t here.” 

You held her hand tightly, rubbing the back of it with your thumb. You knew those worries well. So well that they haunted your sleeping patterns. 

“You know you’re not alone in that department.” You whispered. 

“I know. I have so many people who understand.” Hyejoo muttered. 

“Not just people. Me, you’re close with me.” You reminded her. She turned to look at you, a small smile on her face, but her eyes still read that she was uncertain of everything. “I’ll always listen to you and your worries.” 

Everything was still for a moment, and then everything was moving fast. She was quick to move in and press her lips against yours, stunning you completely. It took two seconds to register in your mind before you kissed back, tightening your grip on her hand. When you both pulled away, both of your cheeks were tinted pink. 

“I… I’m sorry.” Hyejoo whispered. 

“Why?” You asked her. 

“I-I think I should’ve asked…. If that was okay…” She muttered. You let out a small laugh, moving to press a kiss on her cheek. 

“You’re cute.” You whispered. “I just… Don’t know why you still like me after all of this.” You sighed. 

“After what?” Hyejoo frowned. 

“This.” You pointed to your face, showing your scars. 

“You know, just because you have a scar doesn’t mean you aren’t pretty. Makes you badass.” She smirked. “I would rather be with a badass than pretty anyway.” She chuckled. “And I like your mind more. You being a goddess was just a plus.” She winked. 

“You are disgusting.” You fake gagged at her words, watching her laugh at your reaction. 

You both hung out a little while longer, just enjoying each other’s company before you had to go back. When it was getting closer to that time, the two of you had secluded yourself away from a more seen area, deciding to just be by yourselves. Enjoying little kisses here and there as you waited for your time to leave. 

“I don’t want to leave.” She frowned as she hugged you tighter. 

“I don’t either.” You sighed. 

But you had to, and both of you made sure to text one another the second you had gotten to the dorms. You kept your mask on as you ran into your room, quickly discarding it when you saw Yoohyeon. Only for you to notice Bora sitting on her bed as well. 

“How was hanging out?” She asked you. 

“Good.” You answered as you climbed the little stairs to Yoohyeon’s bunk. “Unnie.” You muttered as you pulled the blanket off of her. 

“What?” She frowned. 

“Something happened.” You restored to Mandarin, watching her slowly process what you had said. “With her.” You spoke in Korean, watching her give you a confused look. You really didn’t want to say anything out loud, especially in front of Bora. So you pulled out your phone and quickly typed out what had happened. You put a finger to your lips before handing it to her, watching her read what you had written. 

“Really?!” She gasped. You hit her arm a few times, hearing her laugh at her own reaction and yours. “I can’t believe it.” She whispered. 

“Is it unbelievable?” You frowned. 

“No, no. It is, but… You know.” She chuckled. “I’m happy for you.” She smiled as she grabbed your hand. “Who all knows about it?” She whispered. 

“Just you and my mom.” You answered quietly. “I’m too afraid to tell anyone else.” You frowned. She gave you a sympathetic smile, looking down at Bora who was seated on her bed. “No.” You frowned. 

“She will understand,” Yoohyeon whispered. “Trust me. It will make you feel a lot better if you tell them.” 

“I can’t…” You frowned. You felt the same tightening in your chest. The same one you felt right before you had told Yoohyeon that your crush had been a girl in the first place. 

“I told them when I knew about myself. Trust me. They will support you.” Yoohyeon whispered. 

“Told them what?” You asked her, shocked at her words. 

“I like anyone.” She smiled. “I’m not going to sit here and just choose a gender.” She explained. “If I fall in love with a man, or a woman, or someone who doesn’t fit either, then so be it. As long as they’re hard-working, I really don’t mind.” She shrugged her shoulders, happy with the answer. You were a little shocked, this whole time, she was on your side about this. 

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” You frowned. 

“Because I didn’t feel it was relevant until now.” She chuckled.


	40. Forty

2020 July

You thought of everything for three days. How you would tell them and everything. You decided to do one by one and had already talked with Dong who was incredibly supportive of you. She was quite happy that you told her and was just completely understanding. 

“Unnie?” You popped your head into Gahyeon’s room, seeing her building a new Lego set on the floor. She had taken full advantage of being in a room alone and had all the space in the world to work. 

“Yeah?” She glanced up at you, seeing you standing in the doorway. “You can come in.” She chuckled. 

“Sorry, used to not being allowed.” You chuckled. She let out a small laugh, knowing exactly what you were talking about. Both of you had never really been allowed into the older girl’s room, usually pushed out by Siyeon or Minji. “Um… Can I share something with you?” You whispered. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” Gahyeon frowned. 

“Um…” You looked down at your hands, feeling a pit start forming in your stomach. 

“Got the instructions.” You jumped at the sound of Dami’s voice, seeing her walk in. 

“Perfect.” Gahyeon smiled as she reached for it. “What were you saying?” She asked you. You watched as Dami sat next to her, taking part in the instructions as she put together a few of her legos. 

“Um… Nothing.” You whispered, just choosing to watch them now. You couldn’t help but get antsy, feeling the nerves just hurting you from the inside out. So you left. You sat on the couch, watching whatever was on tv with Minji. Bora sat on the couch with her, scrolling on her phone while she watched the show as well. 

“You okay?” You looked over, seeing Minji staring at you from her spot on the couch. You didn’t say anything, choosing to just look at the tv. “Y/N-ah?” She whispered, reaching out for you. “You know you can talk to me if you need something right?” She asked. 

“I’m afraid.” You whispered. You watched her move from her spot on the couch, sitting next to you as you curled into her side. 

“Do you want to talk or just want comfort?” She asked you. 

“I want to tell you but I am so scared.” You felt a few tears fall, feeling her arms wrap tightly around you. Minji stayed quiet, rubbing your arm until you felt comfortable again. You felt the couch dip behind you, feeling an extra set of hands. 

“You didn’t ask, but I feel you need an extra hug,” Bora whispered. 

“I think I like girls.” You whispered. 

“Think?” Minji asked you. 

“I’m dating one… And I kissed her. But I don’t think I like guys at all.” You explained without looking at them. 

“That’s okay,” Bora whispered. 

“Perfectly okay.” Minji smiled before kissing the top of your head. “I’m guessing no one else knows?” She asked. “No managers or anything?” 

“Yoohyeon knows. And my mom. And her parents…” you explained. 

“Good. I’m happy you feel safe enough to tell us.” Minji whispered. You couldn’t help but continue to cry as they both held you, happy that they had accepted you. 

You felt a lot better, choosing to talk to Gahyeon and Dami together. They had accepted it, Gahyeon expressing that she didn’t entirely think she was into men like she thought she was. She was happy that you had come out to her, feeling like someone could understand her now. 

All that left was your sister. Siyeon. 

You didn’t know why, but the entire thought of attempting to talk to her left you feeling sick. You wanted to vomit with how terrified you were. Everyone except her knew. They were all accepting and you had no idea how to even begin to tell her. 

You decided to do so by yourself, sitting in the dorm with just her as everyone else had a schedule. You felt nervous as you picked at your food, watching her eat like nothing was wrong. 

“Siyeon unnie…” you whispered. 

“Hm?” She muttered, mouth full of food. 

“I-I need to talk to you about something.” You frowned. You watched as she looked up from her plate, concern littered all over her face. 

“What?” She asked. “What happened?” She frowned. 

“Nothing happened… I-I just I’m afraid…” You whispered. 

“Afraid?” She frowned. “Who hurt you. I’ll hurt them.” She glared. 

“No one hurt me.” You quickly frowned. You watched as she waited for you to speak, watching you carefully. “I don’t like guys.” You whispered. “I like girls and I’m dating one.” You pushed it out, afraid to look at her now. 

It was silent for a full minute, every passing second hurting you more. When you looked up, you saw the confusion on her face. 

“Are you mad at me?” You whispered. 

“No,” Siyeon answered. “I’m just trying to think of why you were afraid to tell me that.” She sighed. 

“Because you’re my sister.” You answered. “I was so scared to tell anyone and then Yoohyeon told me that you guys would be accepting after she helped me tell mom…” 

“Mom knows?!” Siyeon gawked. You stopped, nodding your head slowly. “Who all knows?” She asked quietly. 

“I told you last… I haven’t told the managers.” You admitted quietly. 

You watched as Siyeon set her chopsticks down, looking down at her half-eaten plate. You felt tears starting to form as you watched her. 

“Have I given you a reason to be afraid to tell me something like this?” She asked you, her voice quiet. When she looked up at you, you saw tears in her eyes. “Y/N-ah, have I?” She asked. 

“No… I was just afraid.” You sniffed. “You’re my sister and I didn’t want to lose my best friend because of this.” You cried. “Hyejoo’s parents almost disowned her when she told them. But they’re okay with her now and I just didn’t want you to be so angry with me that you hated me and didn’t want me to be your sister anymore.” You sobbed. 

You couldn’t help but cry. You were so afraid to tell Siyeon that you felt terrible now. 

“Y/N-ah you’re my little sister and I love you.” She sniffed. She moved around the table, sitting next to you, and pulled you into her side. “I’ll never ever hate you.” She whispered. “Okay?” 

“Okay.” You sniffed. 

You held onto her for a little while longer until you both had calmed down and cleaned your faces. You looked at the food, choosing to take small bites since you had made yourself sick from crying so hard. 

“So Hyejoo… is she the one you’re dating?” She asked. 

“Yeah… We’ve been dating for a year… But I don’t know if you can call it dating…” You muttered. 

“You’ve hidden a relationship from the company for over a year?” Siyeon gasped. You let out a small giggle as you nodded your head. “Wow.” She whispered. 

“We were already friends.” You chuckled. “So to them we still are.”


	41. Forty-One

2020 July

You posed for the cameras with your members, makeup covered your arm and legs scars from your surgeries after the accident. You were getting better, your physical therapy lasting longer and you were able to start doing more exercise, leading you to be able to stand for longer and tolerate being on your feet longer. 

“Mikyong!” Your manager called for you, causing you to leave the little formation to go over. “They still want you.” He showed you his phone, showing you the messages he had gotten. 

“Who?” You frowned at him. 

“The designers.” He explained. “Would you want to do it?” He asked. 

You thought back to that night, everything had been so much fun. You were able to communicate with them well, learn a whole new skill, everything about it screamed for you to do. Until your memories furthered you through the night, recalling the accident. You took in a shaky breath, frowning when you had remembered it. 

You heard the metal hitting the road from turning and scratching against the pavement. You heard the scream that left your mouth, the cries you had let out before you had blacked out. 

“Hey, hey.” You felt someone grabbing your hands, leading you to sit down before you fell over. You found comfort in the voice, a familiar feeling of comfort spread through you as you held their hand tightly. “You’re okay. You’re here. Not there.” 

“What’s happening?” 

“Just give her some space.” The familiar voice again. “Can you feel my hand?” 

“Y-Yes.” You whispered. 

“What else?” 

You let go of one of their hands, feeling the fabric on your dress before you moved onto something else. Your eyes were closed, almost afraid to open them and find yourself back in that time. Back in the car that was mangled and destroyed. 

“My dress.” You took in another shaky breath, hearing hushed talking. 

“Good. Good. Y/N-ah, can you open your eyes?” 

“No.” You frowned. “No.” You felt your chest tighten, shaking your head slightly as you felt the air escaping your lungs. 

“You’re okay. You’re here. I promise.” 

After a few minutes of reassuring, you felt safe enough to open your eyes and see that you were outside. You let out a small breath, looking around at the few people who stayed near you. You looked at your hand, seeing Siyeon kneeling in front of you. 

“Headache?” She asked you. You nodded your head, it was a dull pain, but enough to be annoying. 

You sat in the van, the curtains drawn tightly as you tried to recover from your little episode. You hadn’t had one in a while, which made you wonder why you had one to begin with. You had been taking your meds at the same exact time, every single day. You never changed once, why did you have an episode? Why did you have to get sucked back into that horrible memory and just remember everything? 

The sliding door opened, Gahyeon’s head peeking in to check on you. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” She asked you. 

“Better.” You answered quietly. You looked over at her, seeing the worried look on her face. “July 2020, I’m Siyeon’s little sister, you’re Gahyeon, yes I remember.” You answered the questions like routine. Whenever you gave them any kind of scare you had to answer every single question they had prepared. 

“You know we worry…” She whispered as she climbed in. 

“I know. You have every right to.” You sighed. “I just wish you didn’t have to.” 

It hurt to have to answer those questions. To see the looks on their faces when you would get just one question wrong. Some days, you refused to answer them because you found the entire thing stupid. You hated feeling stupid like this in front of them. 

“But we do. You can’t change the past.” Gahyeon frowned. 

“I know. I would’ve if I could.” You whispered. 

“Change what?” She asked you. You shook your head, deciding to look out the window instead of at her now. “Change what Y/N-ah.” She demanded this time. 

“Change the fact that I came here in the first place.” You whispered. 

It was silent for a while, Gahyeon choosing to look away from you. You hadn’t meant to make her upset, and you were going to apologize until you saw her open the door and leave you alone. She didn’t slam the door shut or anything. She shut it gently, deciding to leave you alone. 

You let out a few tears, wondering why you had even said that. You were truthful and honest. That was your problem. 

Some days, you really wished you had never won that competition. You wished you had gotten sick that day, giving you a reason not to perform. You wouldn’t have been scouted and you really wouldn’t have this life. You would be home, home with nothing broken inside of you. Being able to see colors you used to see all the time. You missed being able to see all of your favorite colors. Seeing the different hair colors your members would change to. 

You just wished none of this had happened.

When you had gotten home, Gahyeon had shut herself in her room, choosing to stay away from everyone. It was quiet, so you walked into your room, putting a few things in a bag before texting your mother. You just needed to be away from everyone for a few days before the comeback. You were already done with your photos and filming was long done. You knew you weren’t promoting with the members due to you not being medically cleared yet, and it was just something you hated. 

You were just there now. 

You got Carpet’s cage ready, packing the few things before finishing your own bag. 

“Where are you going?” Bora frowned when she saw you packing a small bag. 

“I’m going home for a few days. Manager already cleared it.” You muttered. 

“What? Why?” She was shocked, usually, you talked to them about going home for a few days. 

“I just need to be away from here right now.” You felt yourself on the verge of tears, trying to hold it all back before you spilled them out in front of her. Bora stayed silent, watching you pack. She hated seeing you like that. 

You sat in the van, headed to your parents’ house for the next few days. You felt stupid being there with your members. You looked over at Carpet who was sleeping soundly in her cage next to you. 

When you got to your parents’ house hours later, your mother greeted you with a tight hug. 

“Did you have a fight with Siyeon?” Your mother whispered. 

“No… I… I just said something really idiotic and I feel stupid.” You answered quietly.


	42. Forty-Two

2020 August

You had talked with your mother, telling her everything that had happened. It was definitely not your proudest moment. She listened to everything you had said, waiting for you to finish for her to input her own words. 

“Do you really wish you hadn’t come to Korea?” She asked you. 

“Sometimes.” You answered. “Sometimes I just want to go back home.” You whispered. “I feel like I don’t belong at all, then I get moments where I remember I can go home, just for everything to come crashing down on me…” You felt horrible as you spoke. You knew it broke her heart to hear your words, but it was the truth. 

“When you remember?” She asked. 

“Yes.” You answered. “I didn’t… I didn’t know she was going to leave so quickly…” You sniffed. “I felt… I felt like it wasn’t fair.” You frowned, hugging your knees to your chest as tight as you possibly could. “We were going to see her. We were going….” You couldn’t help but start crying, feeling almost as if it was somewhat your fault. 

She sent you money when she could, just to keep you there. All while she could’ve been using her own money to pay for her hospital bills instead of funding your dream. You had a feeling it was all your fault that she had declined so quickly. 

“Do you think you would feel better if we found who your real father was?” She asked. You shook your head. Why would that help? He hadn’t been in your life ever and you didn’t even know if he even cared at this point. “How else do you feel?” She asked. 

“Angry at myself.” You sniffed. “I hate what I said. But I said it, and I can’t take it back.” Your lip trembled at the memory, seeing the way Gahyeon had looked at you when you spoke those few words that no doubt broke her heart into a million pieces. 

Out of everyone in the group, you, Gahyeon, and Dong were the closest. Mainly because you three stuck by one another in your trainee days. Giggling, talking, and just hanging out when you could. 

Gahyeon was your best friend and almost like a sister, but now, you had hurt her and you wanted to throw yourself off a building with that knowledge. 

“Are you going to apologize to her?” Your mother asked. You looked up at her, curious as to why she would say such a thing. 

“I can’t…” You whispered. “My apology would mean nothing.” You frowned. “It isn’t the first time I’ve done something an apology couldn’t fix.” You admitted. 

“What do you mean?” She frowned. 

“When I forgot everyone.” You sighed. “I… I saw the hurt on their faces… I hurt them, mom.” You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t help but feel like everything was your fault. You had been hidden from the world yet again and you just wanted to leave the world you were in. 

Your mother had told you to try and sleep it off, get your thoughts in order before you went back to them. You laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling as you waited for sleep to come. You were exhausted, but at the same time, you couldn’t find yourself to sleep. You rolled over to look at your phone, choosing just to watch videos until you fell asleep. 

You were always curious to see what Insomnia posted, watching the different videos that they found funny. You had found one that caught your eye, one that was strictly about you. 

“Get to know Dreamcatcher’s Mikyong.” You read quietly as you clicked on it. 

A little intro played, leading you to the beginning of the video. Which started off with one of your performances from Deja Vu. You smiled when you watched yourself dancing with the girls. All before your accident. 

The little video went away, leading you into a new screen that read: 

‘What we know about Mikyong’ 

You let out a snort, knowing they had very little information about you. Until it had a full list. 

‘Stage Name: Mikyong.  
Last Name: Lee (unknown first name due to hidden member)  
Position in Group: Hidden Member, Main Vocalist, Maknae  
Age: Unknown (we know she younger than Gahyeon from her VLive)’

You were shocked that they were able to know at least that much. Everyone was careful with your real name since you had to be hidden before. It had become second nature for all of your lives to be called Miki or Mikyong. 

The video continued, showing who you were assumed to be closest with. Of course, a video of you and Siyeon popped up, with a caption: 

‘Mikyong and Siyeon are already confirmed sisters from a previous interview. Mikyong is originally from Hong Kong and became an idol. Do any of you think it’s because her sister was one and she wanted to be? Comment below!’ 

You smiled at the caption, people believed that you two had been sisters longer than you had actually been. As the video continued you saw the different clips of you and Minji, then you and Dong. It was clear how you interacted with them differently. You were extremely clingy with Dong, but with everyone else, you were closed off unless you had a burst of energy. 

You continued watching, seeing more recent videos, screenshots, and captions. All from your accident. 

“Is Miki okay?” Minji’s face popped up on the video, her face showing how worried she was with the question. It was captioned with a timestamp, one from a month and a half after your accident… “She’s doing better. She’s home with her family recovering.” She explained, forcing a smile on for the fans. 

As you continued, it showed a little portion called ‘Idols Mikyong is close with’. It showed you interacting with multiple idols on stages, but what got you the most were the pictures you would post on weverse and Instagram. 

‘Mikyong is incredibly close with Loona’s Choerry, Olivia Hye, and Yeojin. It looks like they all went to the same school and have been long-time best friends.’ 

You saw the photos they chose, seeing it from times you were able to go out and hang out with them prior to debut. The days where you had time. The times all four of you had time to just let loose and have fun. You closed out of the video, choosing to look through all of your photos. 

You saw photos of you and your friends, smiling at them. The ones that made you smile the most were the ones with Hyejoo for obvious reasons. You continued to go through the photos, seeing pictures of you and Siyeon together from the beginning of your quarantine. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered.


	43. Forty-Three

2020 August

After your three days of being with your mother, you were on your way back to the dorm. You felt nerves building in your chest as you carried your little bag and cage up the stairs to your dorm. You unlocked the door, peeking inside to see if anyone was nearby. You heard the TV, which meant people were home. You slipped inside, taking off your shoes, and walked in. 

Minji, Bora, and Dami were seated on the couch, watching a show you didn’t recognize. Minji gave you a small smile as you walked by, giving you a sense of some relief. When you walked into your room, you saw your bed hadn’t been touched. You were grateful that it hadn’t been. You didn’t like when people touched your stuff. 

You set Carpet back up in her spot as you threw your bag on your bed. You planned on unpacking after you spoke with Gahyeon. You knocked on her door, seeing her with AirPods laying on her bed. You snuck in, tapping her arm, causing her to jump at the action. 

“When did you come in?” She asked, pulling the AirPods out of her ear. 

“Just now…” You whispered. 

“Oh.” She muttered. “Did you have a good stay with your parents?” She asked you as she sat up. 

“Not really. We talked about a lot of things.” You sighed as you sat on the bed next to her. “I know I said stupid things the other day…” You frowned. “And I really am sorry for saying them.” You looked at her, seeing her watching you carefully. “I know I shouldn’t have said it…” 

“I get it.” Gahyeon sighed. “I want to go home too and give up sometimes.” She frowned. “But I know I can’t because I belong here.” She gave you a small smile. “No matter what. You know?” 

“Not really.” You muttered. 

“You’ve struggled a lot Y/N-ah. We all see that.” She sighed. “But I accept your apology. Just… please don’t hold everything in as you have been… You’re like our sister. We don’t want to see you struggling so much.” She frowned. You nodded your head, immediately hugging her tightly. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” You asked her. 

“As long as we can have some snacks.” She chuckled. 

“Done, let's go get the snacks.” You smiled. 

The two of you had gone out together, laughing as you hurried down to a nearby store to pick up a few quick snacks to share while you chatted about a movie you would be watching. 

“Dong unnie is trying to come back next month.” Gahyeon smiled. 

“Really?!” You gasped. 

“I’m excited. I’ve missed her so much.” The older girl chuckled as you both waited in line. 

“Me too. It sucks she can’t be here for you know what.” You sighed. 

Both of you spoke in code in public, not knowing if anyone knew who you were or if they just wanted information to leak to the public. 

When you had gotten back, you had a box full of snacks, unaware of everything you had gotten until you set it on the counter in the kitchen. 

“Where did you guys go?” Yoohyeon chuckled. 

“Well, we originally went on a snack run.” Gahyeon laughed. “We wanted to watch a movie but then I guess we just bought snacks for everyone instead of just us.” She chuckled. 

“What movie?” Dami asked you. 

“We wanted to watch a horror movie.” You answered. 

“I’m in.” Dami smiled. 

The entire group, minus Siyeon, had joined you. Right before you set everything up, you hurried down the hall to your sister’s room, seeing her on her bed with her laptop on her lap. 

“Unnie, we’re going to watch a horror movie. Do you want to join?” You asked her. She looked up at you, frowning when she saw you. “What?” You muttered. 

“When did you get home?” She asked you. 

“This morning.” You answered. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you left?” She asked. You looked down at the floor, unsure as to why you really didn’t tell anyone why you had left. You just did it. “Y/N-ah.” She frowned. 

“It was a stupid decision.” You whispered. 

“You’re right it was stupid! Do you know how worried I was when you were just gone?! For Bora to tell me you went home?!” She shouted. You backed away from her and closer to the door. You hadn’t really seen Siyeon angry before. 

“I… I’m sorry.” You whispered. 

“You’re sorry?!” She gawked. You heard someone walking down the hallway, and frowned when you glanced over to see Bora. She walked into the room and looked at Siyeon with a bit of a glare. “What?” She muttered. 

“You need to calm down.” She pointed. “I get it, you were pissed, but she’s home, she’s safe. It wasn’t like she went off with a friend or stranger. She went home.” She pointed. “She wanted to include you in this little movie time. Not a fight.” She explained. “Now, are you going to join us or not?” She stated plainly. 

You were shocked at how well Bora was able to control her. You assumed it was just an older person thing since you had absolutely no control over anyone in the dorm. 

“Fine. I’ll… I’ll watch the movie.” She muttered. 

The movie was good but tense. You sat next to Yoohyeon, holding onto her hands as you tried to keep your mind calm. You saw Bora sitting next to Siyeon, essentially trapping her from getting to you. 

After the movie had ended, all seven of you had turned on cartoons to calm yourself. Dami chose We Bare Bears and all of you were enjoying the show to get your mind off of the zombies. 

“Would you be willing to race me in Mario Kart?” Yoohyeon asked you quietly. 

“I suck at that game.” You frowned. 

“So?” She chuckled. 

“I would rather kick your butt in a pokemon battle.” You narrowed your eyes at her, watching her scoff at you. 

“I could kick your butt,” Yoohyeon smirked. 

“I beg to differ!” You gawked. “Get your switch, let’s prove this right now.” You stood up, completely offended by her words. 

The two of you had set yourselves up in the living room, getting ready to fight to the death in Pokemon. You were so focused that you didn’t even notice Siyeon had moved next to you and was looking down at your own switch. 

“Don’t do that.” She muttered. 

“Don’t help her!” Yoohyeon scolded. 

“She’s my sister!” Siyeon defended. “Use this move. It’s going to boost your other pokemon and take a lot of health from hers.” She whispered. You did as she instructed and watched as Yoohyeon’s pokemon started to lose health quickly. 

“That isn’t fair!” Yoohyeon complained. 

“Fair.” Bora chuckled.


	44. Forty-Four

2020 August

You sat in a chair, not really promoting with the girls, but promoting enough to participate in interviews and variety shows if you were feeling up to it. You were going to start school the next month, your final semester. Which meant you would be able to do so much more after. 

“Do you want to cover up the scar?” Siyeon asked you. 

“No.” You answered. “It is who I am now.” You stated calmly. Siyeon gave you a smile, ruffling your hair as you sat down in the chair. 

The makeup artist did minimal makeup for you since you really didn’t need it according to them. 

When you sat with the rest of your members for the radio interview, you were nervous. It was your first real interview since your accident and you felt almost entirely afraid. 

“Today’s guest is Dreamcatcher.” The host smiled. “I see seven of you today. Glad to see Mikyong is doing well and is strong enough to join us today.” He smiled at you. 

“We are all very happy that she is well and strong enough to do this today.” Minji chuckled. 

“Me too.” You laughed quietly. 

The interview had gone smoothly, answering questions about the comeback and a few other random ones that had come in through their website. 

“Question for Mikyong.” He started. “In the recent music video, Boca, you are a hidden member again. Are you going to be participating on the stages as a hidden member?” He asked. 

“No.” You answered. “I won’t be participating in stages because I’m not medically cleared to perform yet.” You explained. 

“But you are cleared for most things correct?” He asked. 

“Yes, most things.” You smiled. 

“Now, with the accident, what was everything that was injured?” He asked. “If I can ask.” He quickly added. 

“Um…” You muttered, looking to Gahyeon who sat next to you. You didn’t expect the question, but you knew people wondered what had happened. 

“Her right arm, right leg, 2 ribs, and a few fractures in her ankle,” Siyeon answered for you. It was silent for a moment before the host picked up on how you had felt. 

“But you were able to bounce back very strong.” He smiled at you. “I’m sure you had a lot of help from your members.” He smiled. 

“Yes.” You whispered. “My sisters helped a lot, and the members are very great at taking care of me.” You smiled at them, holding Gahyeon’s hand tightly. 

“Sisters?” He asked. 

“Siyeon unnie and our older sister.” You answered. 

You watched as the host looked shocked, obviously someone who really didn’t do their research before interviewing you guys. Or at least not well enough. 

“Sisters? A group that has real siblings?” He looked to Siyeon then back at you a few times. “How?” He chuckled. 

“She’s adopted.” Siyeon chuckled. “How old were you?” She asked. You shrugged your shoulders before looking at her. “I think she was…. Thirteen? Twelve?” Siyeon lied. “She was so little. So maybe younger than that. Her Korean was terrible, it was adorable.” She cooed over you. You groaned, watching her continue to coo over you. 

“You’re from Hong Kong?” He asked. 

“Yes.” You laughed. “I had to learn Korean when I came here.” You sighed. 

“How old were you when you came to Korea?” He asked. 

“Ten.” You smiled. 

The rest of the interview had gone well, the host being nice to everyone and talking about various things before promoting your new comeback. You were pleased with the interview, happy that you were able to participate with your members again. 

The ride home was fun, all of you giggling about different things back to the dorm. You found yourself on a live stream with Yoohyeon and Bora, sitting between them as you answered questions. 

“Do you think we are going to eat soon?” Yoohyeon asked quietly. 

“Depends. Do you want to make dinner?” You asked her. 

“Jiu and Siyeon went to get dinner,” Bora muttered as she looked at her phone. You let out a groan, before resting your head on Yoohyeon’s shoulder. You hadn’t thought much of the live stream, taking off your makeup, and chose to just really bare face it since you didn’t entirely care. 

Until you felt a hand covering your scar. 

“What are you doing?” You frowned at Bora. 

“They’re asking.” She muttered. You moved her hand, choosing to scoot yourself further down so you could rest your head on Bora’s shoulder instead, covering your scar from their view. 

“I thought you didn’t care?” Yoohyeon frowned. 

“I don’t care, but I just don’t want to think about it.” You sighed. She nodded her head, watching the comments and answering a few as you stayed silent. You didn’t entirely care, but at the same time, you really just wanted to get it over with. 

“Mikyong has grown a lot.” Bora chuckled as she read another comment. “Yes, yes she has.” She chuckled as she patted your head. “Taking care of you is so hard.” She complained. 

“I’m sorry.” You pouted. 

“Don’t apologize.” She whispered. 

“Sua unnie, what is the hardest part about taking care of Miki?” Yoohyeon read a comment, looking at the two of you. 

“Oh boy.” She chuckled. “Maybe…” She set her phone down, looking at the wall as she thought. “Maybe waking her up for school.” She smiled. “It’s hard because I don’t want to wake up, but I know she has to.” She explained. 

“I think the hardest part is helping her with math.” Yoohyeon laughed. 

“Don’t remind me.” You groaned. 

The three of you continued to answer questions, laughing with each other as you decided to look through them yourself. 

“Call one of my friends?” You read one of the comments, looking back at Bora and Yoohyeon. “Who?” You frowned. You exited the app, looking through your recent contacts to see that your most recent calls were Hyejoo, your mom, and Siyeon. You hit Minji’s number and waited as it rang. 

“We’re almost home,” Minji said as soon as she answered. Yoohyeon and Bora let out a loud laugh, knowing exactly why you would call her. 

“How much longer? I’m hungry.” You pouted. 

“Fifteen minutes,” Minji answered you with a laugh. 

“Okay..” You sighed. You talked to her for a few more minutes before hanging up, looking at the comments. “Call someone other than a member.” You laughed as you read the comments. You looked back at your phone, scrolling through until you found someone you hadn’t chatted with in a little bit. “She might be busy.” You whispered as you hit call. 

“Who?” Yoohyeon whispered. 

“Hello?” You jumped at the sudden pickup and let out a squeal. 

“Yerin Unnie!” You chuckled. “It’s Miki!” You giggled. 

“Who?” She sounded entirely confused. 

“Y/N-ah.” You laughed. The two older girls gasped, looking at you before you covered your own mouth. “I just outed my real name.” You whispered before looking at the two of them. 

You had decided to just live with it. You had gone so long without saying your real name that it honestly didn’t matter anymore. At least you didn’t out yourself right away. Unlike Yoohyeon.


	45. Forty-Five

2020 September

“Is she cleared yet?” You heard Siyeon ask your doctor. 

“Well… Not entirely. She can start performing, but if she has any kind of pain, anything, she needs to be put right back on rest.” She explained. 

With that being written, you were excited. You were careful with everything, making sure to take rests when you needed to, and focused on your school during the day. Of course, that never went well. 

You were in the middle of a test when you heard screaming coming from the living room. You knew it was Bora and you didn’t even want to know why she was screaming. You just knew you had to mute your mic now. 

“Y/N-ah, you have to keep your mic unmuted.” Your teacher warned. You groaned, hitting unmute right when you heard Bora start yelling again. 

“I’m sorry.” You muttered as the screaming got louder when Siyeon joined in. You heard laughing from a few of your classmates, and you were embarrassed now. “Can I please mute my mic to yell at them?” You asked quietly. 

“Who is yelling?” Your teacher frowned. 

“My sister and her friend.” You answered quietly. 

“Yes.” Your teacher sighed. You quickly muted your mic and let out a sigh. 

“Siyeon unnie! Bora unnie!” You shouted. “I’m taking a test! Please be quiet!” You screamed at them. As soon as you unmuted your mic, you heard laughter and then footsteps. 

“Are you really taking a test?” You looked at yourself on the screen, seeing both of them behind you in the doorway. Siyeon was staring at you, waiting for a response. 

“Yes, I’m taking a test. Please go and be quiet.” You frowned. 

When you finished your classes for the day, you hurried out to them, seeing Siyeon sitting on the couch. You threw yourself on her, pretending to fight her. 

“I was taking a test! That was so embarrassing!” You whined as you grabbed her shirt collar and shook her. 

“How are we supposed to know?” Siyeon laughed. 

“My schedule is on the fridge!” You continued to whine. 

After a few minutes of play fighting, you had stopped, deciding to just lay on top of her. You were taller than her and weighed just about the same as her if not more. You knew she couldn’t escape easily. 

“I will full-on push you off this couch and onto the floor if you don’t get up.” Siyeon threatened you. 

“Do it and mom will kill you this time.” You smirked. 

“What the hell is going on?!” Minji yelled at the two of you. 

“Bora unnie and Siyeon unnie embarrassed me in front of my entire class while I was taking a test.” You explained. “Now I am laying on her so she can’t move.” You added. 

“I threatened to throw her across the room.” Siyeon sighed. 

“Can you?” Minji chuckled. 

“Probably.” You laughed. 

Eventually, you had gotten off of your sister, your own body hurting from the whole thing. It was a normal occurrence to see the two of you play fighting, mainly because you both teased each other to no end with no remorse. 

Every day was a simple day for you, taking your classes until the afternoon and then going to the company for work. Everyone was happy to see you back and working as hard as you could. You had decided to work with Bora, both of you doing a small cover for fun in the practice room. 

You had gotten her to learn the dance from one of your friend’s groups, Everglow, and had worked with her on learning just the second chorus. You and Bora had always been one of the few that caught on quickly with dance routines, so it was pretty easy learning it. Just the hand moves were catching you up. 

Bora was recording the whole thing for your Dreamcatcher Note, both of you laughing as you both continued to mess up the hand moves. 

“I’m not going to get this.” You laughed as you watched the video again for the thirtieth time. 

“We will! Now I’m determined.” She laughed with you. 

After two hours, you had the hand moves down and were right back on track. Siyeon and Dami had joined in watching you both, watching how determined you were to get the dance down. You had already begun learning Boca for a concert your group was having, but you needed to get in more dancing practice to even begin to be on their levels again. You had been out a year and felt like you desperately needed to catch up. 

By the end of your day, you had the dance down and ran it again with Bora. Siyeon and Dami had cheered for you both, letting out screams when you had done it near perfect. 

“Did you hear we’re allowed to do stages for the concert?” Dami smiled at you both. 

“Really?” Bora gasped as she opened her water bottle. 

“Yeah, we can think about it now and pass it on for approval.” Siyeon smiled. “Do you have any ideas?” 

“None.” You muttered. 

“I have a few,” Bora smirked. You looked at her with a worried face, unsure if you liked how fast she was able to think of a few things that quickly. 

Your mind had been clouded for the rest of the day. Not only from the amount of work you had put yourself through but also from the many thoughts you had for the upcoming concert. You put in your AirPods, deciding to just shuffle your music until you found something that was somewhat calming to you. 

When you had gotten to the dorm you flopped on your bed after feeding your hedgehog and scrolled through your phone. You still had no idea and you knew you needed extra time to prepare. 

“Hey.” You heard Siyeon’s voice, forcing you to turn and look at her. “We just found out Dong is coming back soon.” She whispered. 

“Really?” You gasped. 

“Mhm.” She chuckled. “Thought you might want to know.” She smiled. 

“Thank you unnie.” You muttered as you sat up. 

“You don’t have to do a special stage if you don’t want to…” Siyeon knew you were going to worry yourself to no end about it. Especially since it would be your official comeback to the world again. 

“I want to… I just… I don’t know what to do.” You admitted. 

You felt her hand on yours, giving you a little bit of encouragement. 

“Well, whatever you decide, you’ll be amazing at it. You have such a wonderful voice.” She whispered. “Why do you think they pair it with mine and Yoohyeon’s?” She smiled at you.


	46. Forty-Six

2020 October

You had submitted your idea and had gotten approved. You were busy working on your own stage by yourself whenever you could, only seeing your members when you rehearsed with them. You worked with a few of the vocal trainers and musicians when you could, balancing work with your school. 

You were locked in one of the offices, looking over your sheet music, learning the song when you heard the door open. You didn’t pay any attention to it until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You looked up, seeing Dong standing there, a smile on her face. You immediately let out a loud cry, quickly standing to hug her tightly. 

“When did you get back?” You sobbed into her shoulder. 

“Two weeks ago. I was in quarantine.” She chuckled as she rubbed your back. “You’ve gotten so much taller.” She whispered. 

“I missed you so much unnie.” You cried. 

You stayed close with Dong after, choosing to take a break from your own studies to just be with her again. You watched your members practicing their stages, and laughed at a few of them. Yours was simple, so you never needed to practice with the girls or any dancers. 

You felt excited, but at the same time, nervous. You were learning everything so quickly and tried your best to keep up. Pulling long hours throughout the day and even working with Bora in the dorm just to learn the routine faster. 

You were in the middle of another rehearsal when you felt dizzy and a small pain in your head during one of the songs. You immediately dropped to your knees, one hand holding your head. You heard the choreographers, shouting for everyone to stop, everyone was somewhat panicked as they gave you some space to breathe. 

“Y/N-ah, are you okay?” Bora was the one in front of you this time. You had felt pain the night prior when you had worked with her, telling her it was nothing and had just worked through it. 

“I’m fine.” You muttered. 

“No… I’m not buying it this time.” She whispered. “She can’t do this.” She looked up at the choreographer, seeing her let out a defeated sigh. 

“I can.” You tried to reason. 

“You can’t do Scream. You just can’t.” Bora frowned. “You always hurt yourself.” She pointed. “Go sit down.” She sighed. You stayed there for a few moments before getting up. You decided to just sit in the hallway, out of their way. It was a small room. Why would you stay there? 

You heard the music going from the beginning, no doubt in your mind, them scrambling to figure out how to replace you now. You pulled out your phone, seeing a text from Hyejoo. She explained that she had to prepare for her comeback and wouldn’t be able to talk to you as much as she wanted for the next few weeks. You let out a sigh, resting your head against your knees. 

After an hour, you heard the door open. You didn’t bother to look up. 

“Hey.” You immediately recognized Bora’s voice. You still didn’t lookup. You had a horrible feeling and felt like you were dragging them down because you couldn’t keep up. “Do you want to come inside?” She whispered. 

“No.” You whispered. 

“Oh…” You heard her sit down in front of you, feeling her hands on your legs. “I’m sorry for calling you out like that in front of everyone.” She whispered. “I didn’t want you to get hurt again… And I know how stubborn you are.” 

You stayed silent, listening to her. It was rare to hear her apologize, so you made sure to actually listen to her this time. 

“Y/N, you know we… We try to look out for you.” She sighed. 

“I know.” You muttered. 

“Then why do you keep pushing against us?” She sighed. You looked up at her, seeing how concerned she was. 

“I’m younger.” You started. “Less time in the studio, less time learning, less time with you guys…” You frowned. “I’m injured… I have a new family that I still haven’t even gotten to know very well because I forgot who they were on multiple occasions…” You whispered. “I feel so left behind now… I feel like I don’t belong in this group anymore.” 

Bora watched you carefully, seeing the pain in your eyes when you spoke what was on your mind. It was the truth, you felt like you had really been left in the dust as they continued to achieve great things. 

“You know… None of us had even thought of that.” Bora sighed.

“Thought of what?” You frowned. 

“Thought you didn’t fit in the group.” She whispered. “You’ve been with us… Well, since our beginning.” She smiled. “Yes, you were a literal baby, but you were able to pull off a lot of things that could never be done by some other twelve-year-old at the time.” She chuckled. You rolled your eyes, looking away from her. “I mean it Y/N-ah.” She whispered. 

“How?” You muttered. 

“The way how you were able to hide from the world until recently. Just because you had a few setbacks doesn’t mean you don’t belong here with us.” Bora frowned. “Yes, a lot of the setbacks were either because you had school, or because you lost someone you loved so much… Or because of some idiot who hurt you like this.” She whispered. “But you can’t keep looking at your entire life with these eyes and mind.” 

“How else am I supposed to look at it?” You frowned. 

“How did you see yourself when you were a trainee?” She asked you. You thought back on it, you hadn’t really thought much of yourself back then. 

“Just some kid that the company liked.” You frowned. 

“Why did they like you?” She asked. You pulled out your phone, showing her the video you had saved from all those years ago. Your mother had sent it to you when you had left for Korea. The performance that had gotten you scouted in the first place so you always knew the kind of power you had on stage. “That was you?!” She gasped. 

“Yeah.” You chuckled. 

“You have an amazing stage presence. You know that?” She asked. “Almost natural.” 

“Almost?” You frowned. 

“Like you were missing people.” She exited out of the app, pulling up one of the performance videos you had from a prior stage. She showed you the difference, seeing how confident you were during Deja Vu. You were shocked to see the difference. You had never thought to compare them before. “You were made to be here Y/N-ie.” She whispered. “No matter what you think, you belong in our chaotic group.” She smiled. “You’re our little light, and we can’t see anyone fully until the light is shining for all of us.” 

“You’re disgusting.” You muttered as you watched her let out a loud laugh. 

“Come inside. We all miss you.” She smiled as she stood up. She held her hands out for you, helping you off the floor. “Plus, next year you turn eighteen. You’ll get to have a coming of age stage. “She winked. 

“Please don’t tell me…” You frowned. 

“Oh, I will help you.” She laughed.


	47. Forty-Seven

2020 November

You let out a loud laugh as you held onto the ice pack against your knee. You had literally gotten fully cleared to do the concert, only for you to fall going up the stairs to the dorm the night prior. Minji looked like she was going to have a full-on panic attack as Bora carried you up the stairs. 

“No trust me. I didn’t have an episode.” You laughed. 

“She didn’t. We were talking about something, and then we started laughing and her shoe came untied.” Bora couldn’t stop laughing as the two of you tried to explain what had happened. 

“I didn’t hit my head, but I hit my knee.” You laughed. “It hurt but I was laughing too hard to care.” You smiled. 

The next morning you were sporting a giant bruise on your knee that just cracked you up every time you looked down at it. Bora couldn’t help but laugh at it too, neither of you was able to keep your focus long if either of you happened to glance at it. 

“These two need to be separated.” Dong chuckled. 

“No… Don’t separate us.” You frowned as you hugged the older girl. Bora hugged you tightly, laughing slightly. 

“Wow, why is she so clingy to her now?” Dami frowned. 

“She’s been kidnapped,” Gahyeon muttered. 

“Blink twice if you need us to save you Y/N-ah.” Siyeon chuckled from across the room. You kept your eyes wide open, watching them as they all gasped in shock. 

Before long you were all standing in a dressing room getting yourselves ready for the concert. You had never dyed your hair, so you thought it would be fun to just put in a few colored extensions, choosing to go with grey. You had no idea how it would look, but your stylist said you looked amazing. 

“Your hair!” Siyeon gasped. 

“They’re extensions…” You quickly whispered. 

“It looks so pretty! It’s like a silvery color with the black…” She smiled as she played with your hair. 

The entire concert had started perfectly, you were able to keep up with everyone for Boca and had so much fun. You saw the online comments, gasping at how fast they were really going. 

When it had come time for your stages, you felt a little exhausted, so you used your time to change into your next outfit, and rest for a little bit. You let out a loud laugh when you saw Siyeon’s outfit, immediately taking a photo of her to use as blackmail later. 

“You look so cute.” Dong smiled when she had come back from her performance. 

You were dressed in a white and pink dress, at least that was what they told you. You had your hair down and your makeup was minimal. It was just going to be you on stage, something you had dreaded slightly, but you were going to be singing something you loved. 

You had gone on after Gahyeon, standing there on the stage by yourself gave you a lot of nervous energy. Until you heard the familiar music from the guitar behind you. 

“All these rules don’t fit…” you started to sing. You had chosen a song that had really called out to you recently. Not Barbie by Tiffany Young. The lyrics just screamed at you to really sing. 

The only thing you wished you could change, was to have your mother hear you sing one last time. You thought of her, what she would say to you if she was able to hear you one last time. You smiled at the thought, thinking back to the times where you would feel you were at your worst. Calling her to hear her tell you that she was always supporting you no matter what. That you were always going to achieve your dream. 

When the song had ended, you smiled at the cameras, the lights dimming as you walked off stage to greet your members. Siyeon hugged you tightly, holding you as a few tears escaped her eyes. 

“Where’s Bora unnie?” You asked quietly. 

“She got dressed in another room. She wanted to be a surprise.” Dami chuckled. You had looked at the little tv, seeing her appear on stage dressed as Hellboy. You had lost it, laughing so hard you almost made yourself sick. 

When you had reached the near end of the concert, you were exhausted, but you pushed through it. No pain, just tired. You walked out hand in hand with Gahyeon as the rest of the members went running towards the center, screaming and yelling. 

You had found yourself standing with Bora, giggling at her antics as you all sang together. It felt complete again. You saw everyone having a great time on stage. It reminded you of home. Why you had stuck with this for so long. Your entirely crazy, fucked family was these girls. They were your family. 

You watched them dance together, laughing and having a great time. All of the guilty feelings you had were gone. All of the negative comments you had read and heard, just gone. These girls took care of you every single day of their lives for the past three years and had loved you more and more with each passing day. 

Siyeon put her arm around your waist, causing you to put your arm around her shoulders as the two of you sang the last bits of the song together. You couldn’t help but tear up as you sang, choosing to hold it all back until after the concert. 

When you were in the safety of the dressing room, you had no control over the few tears that had managed to escape, causing you to hurry into Siyeon’s arms. She held you tightly, smiling as you silently cried into her shoulder. 

“Nerves?” She whispered. 

“No.” You sniffed. 

When you had gotten back to the dorm, you made sure to stick by your members, all of you piling in the living room to watch a movie. 

“You okay?” Siyeon whispered when you had plopped down next to her. 

“Yeah… Just a lot of feelings during the concert.” You explained. She nodded her head, allowing you to get comfortable next to her on the couch. You were fighting sleep halfway through, feeling an arm pull you closer. It felt familiar. Comforting familiar. You glanced up at Siyeon, seeing her completely focused on the tv. 

Just like when you had first started to live with them. You falling asleep on her and then Bora carrying you to bed after. You couldn’t help but smile, feeling safe with the girls surrounding you.


	48. Forty-Eight

2020 December

You sat in your room, Hyejoo right next to you as you both watched a movie on your laptop. Your parents had allowed her to visit since you were both considered to be in a bubble for most of your year and were constantly being observed. 

“Who is this?” Siyeon asked when she had walked past your room. 

“Hyejoo.” You smiled. “That’s Siyeon unnie.” You chuckled. 

“Nice to meet you.” Hyejoo smiled. 

“Why do I know you?” She frowned while pointing at her. 

“Unnie… Hyejoo and I have been dating for over a year now.” You frowned. “You’ve seen her pictures.” You laughed. 

“No, like, I’ve seen you somewhere.” She muttered. 

The two of you exchanged a look, unsure of where she had seen Hyejoo before. 

“Got it!” She gasped. “You’re in Loona.” She chuckled. “Right?” She asked. 

“Yes.” Hyejoo laughed. 

“Tell Heejin-ah I say hello!” Siyeon called out as she left. 

“I thought you were supposed to have memory issues,” Hyejoo muttered with a small laugh. You couldn’t help but laugh with her, happy that she had a sense of humor still. 

You both were happy that you had made everything work, choosing to work through everything than just giving up on each other. 

“You can’t go to my graduation this year.” You pouted. 

“I’ll be there.” She smiled. “I’ll sneak in with your group.” She winked at you. She was still terrible at it, making you laugh slightly.

“Would you really?” You asked her. 

“Of course. If not them, then your family.” She smiled. 

After you had spent a few days off from work, you were right back there, getting ready to do everything that you needed to do for your next comeback. You were right there for your photoshoots, watching them edit a few of the photos to fit the next comeback. You gasped when you saw the few, watching them add glitch after glitch onto your photos. 

“That looks so cool!” You gasped. 

“You like it?” The editor chuckled. You nodded, watching him work as everyone else got to see them work. 

It seemed like you really had little to no time for yourselves as soon as the new year started. You were excited to be promoting again, all of the teasers being released, watching everyone scramble to find out what was going on and when it would happen. 

“Can’t give spoilers.” You chuckled into the camera. 

“Are they really asking?” Dami chuckled. 

“Always.” You smiled. 

You continued to talk and answer questions with Dami, spending time with her as you waited for your turns to watch your shows on tv. 

“Mikyong are you going to cover your scar for the comeback?” Dami read, looking at you. 

“No.” You answered. “It’s really hard to cover since it’s really big.” You tilted your head, showing them your scar. You had gotten more confident with yourself, accepting your scars for what they were. “But I have so many it would be hard to cover them all.” You chuckled as you looked at Dami. 

“Yeah, she has little ones around her eye.” Dami smiled. 

“They look really cool though.” You got closer to the camera, trying to show the little scars. “Ah, I’ll have Dami unnie take a photo later.” You muttered. 

“Wait, we can now.” She muttered. You looked at her, waiting for her to adjust her camera, then snapped a photo. “How many is that?” She gasped. 

“I think they said eight.” You whispered as you looked at the photo of your right eye. You watched her post to weverse, with the caption ‘as promised here is Miki’s eye’

When it did come time for your anniversary you were giggling and laughing with your members as they tried to give spoilers without giving spoilers. Until Yoohyeon ruined it. 

“I have never seen that before in my entire life.” Bora pointed to Yoohyeon as you all laughed, agreeing with her statement. 

“Yoohyeon likes to play jokes.” You muttered. 

“So many jokes.” Siyeon laughed. 

All of you had a good time, recalling different memories as you all ate food and talked. Minji had brought up a clip of one of your stages, showing it off. 

“Look how tiny Miki was.” She laughed as she pointed at you. Everyone laughed, looking at you now, no one would have guessed that was you. You had outgrown all of them and just didn’t fit height-wise sometimes. 

“Look at her! She was so cute!” Bora gushed over your tiny figure taking the center and front stage during Good Night. Leading the chorus with Siyeon right behind you. 

“Was? She still is.” Yoohyeon smiled. 

“I’m going to throw up, stop.” You whined as you hid your face behind your hands. 

“Wait, we have pre-debut videos!” Siyeon gasped, pulling up videos of you in your trainee days. You let out an exaggerated groan, watching as they pulled up one of your dance routines where you were surrounded by guys. 

“She was so good then,” Bora whispered. 

“I know. It’s crazy to think she was that good at ten. Now, look at her.” Minji smiled. 

“One of our best.” Gahyeon smiled. 

You hated all of the attention, frowning as they continued to gush over you. You had changed the topic quickly, deciding to talk about Gahyeon and how much she had grown. It had worked, only long enough for them to start comparing her to you. 

“Look, here Gahyeon is, taller than Miki.” Siyeon laughed. “Next comeback, Miki is taller than both Sua unnie and Gahyeon!” She cackled as she went back and forth between the photos. Everyone was laughing, watching as they found other photos where you had been visibly taller than them in almost every comeback. By the time Deja Vu had hit, you were as tall as Yoohyeon and now you were taller than her. 

“Our baby giant.” Minji smiled at you. 

You watched as they answered questions, some for certain members, others for everyone. One that had gotten you was one for everyone. 

“Do you have any regrets?” Minji read. 

Everyone seemed to have little ones, but you had sat there really thinking about it. You didn’t think you had any, but you had one giant one. 

“Miki?” Siyeon pulled you out of your trance, allowing you to look at her. “Your turn.” She whispered. 

“For?” You frowned. You watched as all of them glanced in your direction, waiting for someone to speak up. You hadn’t had a moment during a live before, which made them nervous. 

“Regret,” Minji asked. 

“Oh! Sorry, I spaced out for a second.” You chuckled. “Um… Maybe… Being so closed off in the beginning.” You whispered. “I was so afraid that I wouldn’t get along with anyone that I just kept to myself for a very long time.” You frowned. 

Everyone looked at you with sorrowful eyes, each of them knowing how you felt. 

“I think I regret that the most.” You whispered. 

“You were really close with Dong unnie and I, though.” Gahyeon smiled. 

“Yes, but everyone else, not really.” You frowned. 

“You and I clicked.” Siyeon defended. 

“We did, but I was still so scared. My Korean was barely passing.” You laughed at her. “But I’m very happy that I’m close with everyone and can say I have the best family anyone could ever ask for.” You whispered.


	49. Forty-Nine

2021 January 

You walked down the hallway behind Yoohyeon, your second stage, and everyone was hyped. Your song was a hit and you were just excited to be there again. You did your best to calm your nerves, giggling slightly as you waited. 

You knew people stared at you, but you didn’t care anymore. You honestly didn’t know what they were really looking at now since you had two different colored contacts and a very odd outfit to match the comeback. So, at this point, you really didn’t care. 

By the time your promotions were finished, you were ready to hit a wall. Until you were told you were going to promote another song from the album as you got yourself ready for your graduation. Everyone scrambled to find the time, of course, your managers and group had wanted to go since they had practically raised you as well. 

When you had gotten your little plaque, you couldn’t help but smile, happy that you didn’t let math ruin your life. You hugged your members tightly, moving to hug your parents quickly. You were about to look around when you felt a pair of arms around your waist. You looked down to see Hyejoo resting her head on your shoulder, smiling at you. 

“You made it.” You whispered. 

“I did.” She chuckled. “I lied and said a family member was graduating. Yoohyeon unnie came and got me.” She smiled. 

“Thank you.” You smiled at your member, seeing her give you a giant smile in return. 

You had ended up going back to the dorm, this time with Hyejoo since that was how she had gotten to your graduation in the first place. You were just over the moon happy with them. 

All of you had decided to do a live stream, Hyejoo had gotten special permission from her managers to be a part of it since she was there. Once she was approved, you, Yoohyeon, and Hyejoo sat in a little space, giggling to yourselves as you started the live stream. People who joined immediately were shocked to see a new person, those who didn’t know who Loona had assumed she was just a friend, but it was funny to see their reactions. 

“Hello everyone.” Yoohyeon greeted. “Today we have a new visitor to our live stream.” She smiled. 

“Hello everyone, I’m Loona’s Olivia Hye.” Hyejoo greeted your fans. Immediately you saw the hearts flooding in.

“Wow, they love you.” Yoohyeon chuckled.

You watched as Yoohyeon answered questions, just leaning back and enjoying the company of your girlfriend and member. It wasn’t until Yoohyeon started talking to you, that you were responsive. 

“You understand English right?” Yoohyeon asked you. You nodded in response, watching her go back to the comments. “Can Miki speak English?” Yoohyeon looked back at you, wondering the same thing. “Can you?” She asked. 

“I can speak English perfectly fine.” You spoke fluent English, shocking both Hyejoo and Yoohyeon. You heard loud laughter from Siyeon a few seconds later, watching her come into your little area looking at Yoohyeon. 

“You didn’t know she spoke English?” Siyeon laughed. 

“No! All this time you were faking not knowing?!” She gawked. 

“Yeah, I went to school in the UK.” You laughed loudly. “My mom let me go to school there because it was better. So I went there from five to nine.” You explained. “Then I came here, so it’s basic, but enough.” You shrugged your shoulders as you explained it, watching as Yoohyeon just shook her head. 

“Four years of English study and you pretend not to know anything.” She grumbled as she continued to scroll through the comments. Siyeon had joined you three, sitting between you and Yoohyeon this time. 

You felt something touch your hand, seeing Hyejoo playing with your hand already. She had been silent for a while, just enjoying your company since she had no idea when she would go back to the dorms in the first place. You flipped your hand over, allowing her to trace the lines on your palm before she ultimately just held your hand. 

You had the stream up on your phone, watching the comments that came in, everyone who was only there for Loona kept asking why Hyejoo was so quiet, others who were just joining were asking who she was to you all. 

“They want you to talk.” You chuckled. 

“I’m okay.” Hyejoo smiled. 

“Miki’s birthday is soon!” Siyeon gasped after she read a comment. “Do you want to do anything?” She asked you. 

“What are we going to do?” You frowned. 

“You could do a birthday live,” Hyejoo suggested. 

“Nah, we go big here.” Yoohyeon laughed. 

“In addition to the birthday live.” Siyeon winked.

“What does that mean?” She frowned.

“Last year they got me a hedgehog. The year before that… I think Sua unnie… Hid all of my shoes and I ended up finding them scattered throughout the dorm.” You muttered as you tried to remember what had gone on. 

The rest of the live was everyone brainstorming ideas on what to do for your birthday. Siyeon would laugh every time she saw a comment asking who the strange girl was. 

“Yah do we need to introduce her again?” Siyeon chuckled. 

“Olivia. Olivia Hye.” Yoohyeon looked back at her for approval, smiling when Hyejoo gave her the nod of approval. “Yeah, I remember names.” She chuckled. 

“Why is she here?” Siyeon asked. “Because she’s Miki’s best friend.” She smiled. “She came to support her at graduation today.” She explained. 

“Oh yeah, Miki graduated today.” Yoohyeon laughed. 

“Still not an adult though.” You sighed. “Next week!” You pointed. 

You continued to joke around, easing Hyejoo into the conversation as she joined in. Your members had made her feel included and you were just so happy to have that. When you finished the live, you let out a loud whine as you stretched your legs and fell into her lap. 

“You are so clingy!” Hyejoo whined. 

“Says the girl who was literally playing with my hands the entire time.” You smirked. Hyejoo ignored your jest, rolling her eyes as she tried to push you off of her. You held onto her shirt, watching her laugh as you made it difficult. 

“Guess I just have to accept it.” She sighed.

“You love it.” You smirked at her, watching her continue to roll her eyes. “You know you do.” You chuckled. 

“Shut up.” Hyejoo let out a small laugh, her cheeks tinted pink, proving your point.


	50. Fifty

2021 February

You smiled as you looked at your members. Your first real interview back with everyone, including Handong. You were finally an adult and felt accomplished with your life. You managed to balance being an idol all while going to school the entire time. Yes, there were extreme days where you wanted to just give up everything, and times where you thought for sure Bora was trying to kill you with her dance routines, but you made it. 

“We have literally seen Mikyong grow up.” The host chuckled. 

“Yes. We raised her well.” Minji smiled at you. 

“Have they raised you well?” The host smiled. 

“Yes. They’ve been the best family I could ever ask for.” You answered honestly. It was the truth, why wouldn’t you tell the truth? 

During the interview, you were allowed to play games, really show your personalities to fans as you played. You weren’t too happy to be put in a group with Yoohyeon, immediately frowning when you both realized it was a memory game. 

“We’re screwed.” You whispered. 

“We got this.” Yoohyeon chuckled. 

You didn’t have it. You had actually lost considerably a lot since both of you were terrible. It also didn’t help that a few things were color-coded. 

“Can I forfeit?” You asked with a laugh as you raised your hand. 

“Forfeit?” The host frowned at you, slightly laughing at your words. “Why?” He asked. 

“I can’t see colors.” You answered. 

“What?” He frowned. 

“Miki is colorblind,” Bora answered. “See.” She pulled her shirt, showing it to you. “What color is this?” She asked. 

“Green.” You answered it as it was the color you saw. 

“Yellow.” Bora laughed. 

“My turn! What color is my hair?” Gahyeon smirked. 

“Unnie, I heard you talking about it. It’s silver.” You glared at her. “I just think Yoohyeon deserves a better partner.” You sighed. Everyone immediately screamed, Yoohyeon hugging you tightly. 

“You are the best partner!” She cooed. “We can win this!” She smiled. 

You didn’t. In fact, your little team was in the last place. But you both had fun. Fun that you really hadn’t had in a while. 

“You both really are terrible with memory games.” The host laughed. 

“I’m even worse with math.” You laughed with him, feeling a little happier now. 

The next games weren’t too bad, you were able to catch up in points and only managed to save yourself a few times. After was trivia about your members and you knew for a fact you were going to fail this round. 

“Do you know what Mikyong’s official nickname is?” The host asked. 

“Official? To Insomnia?” Minji asked. “Or in the dorm.” She laughed.

“To Insomnia.” He answered. 

“Little Lion Cub!” Siyeon shouted. 

“Yes! Why is that?” He asked. 

“She has a very powerful voice that can actually be heard from a distance,” Bora explained. 

“But also because when she wakes up, her hair is like a lion mane.” Yoohyeon laughed while gesturing how messy your hair gets when you wake up in the morning. You couldn’t help but laugh, feeling slightly upset that you were being teased, but you were happy about it. 

After they were done recording and your schedules were done for the day, you sat in the dorm in your sleep clothes, enjoying the relaxing time you had. You were done with school, and you were on a break until your next comeback, so you really had no idea what to do with yourself. You decided to do a solo live, moving to a more secluded part of the dorm, and turned it on. You smiled as you saw a few fans joining. 

“Hello, little cubs.” You smiled at your phone. “I’m by myself today.” You whispered. 

You answered a few questions, all in different languages since you tried to answer everything. Your fans were always so grateful for you being able to include everyone. It was also great practice for you since you always needed to brush up on your languages. 

“Everyone is doing their own thing today.” You sighed when you saw another question come through about the other members. You heard screaming, no doubt from Bora. So you yelled back at her, earning a loud laugh in response. “I’m on v-app!” You shouted. 

“I know!” She yelled back.

You looked back at the phone, shaking your head as you went back to answering more questions. One had caught your eye, making you scroll right back to it. 

“What’s next for us?” You muttered. “I don’t know. I think we’re just going to enjoy our little break right now.” You smiled. “Maybe spend some time with our families.” You shrugged. “I know I’m going to see my parents soon. Siyeon and I are going to visit soon so we can spend time with them before we get busy again.” You explained. 

You scrolled through the comments, answering more questions when you saw Siyeon peek her head around the wall. 

“Can I join?” She chuckled. 

“Yes.” You smiled. You watched her walk in, deciding to sit on the floor next to you. “My wonderful sister Siyeon joined me.” You smiled. 

“Hello everyone.” Siyeon greeted. 

The two of you answered more questions together, laughing and telling stories with your fans. You were happy. You felt happy finally. 

“If you could start over your life would you?” Siyeon read. She looked at you, seeing you thinking about the question. “I don’t think I would. I like my life how it is. Yes, there have been moments that I wanted to cry and be very angry, but… I don’t think I would want to. But if I did, I would do everything exactly the same.” She smiled. 

“Me too.” You answered. “A lot of things in my life have been very… Hard.” You sighed. “But I really love my family and I love my members very much. So… I don’t think I could ever change anything.” You whispered. Siyeon gave you a tight hug, watching as everyone started spamming hearts and cute messages. “Siyeon unnie is the best sister anyone could ever ask for.” You smiled. 

“You’re the best little sister anyone could ask for.” Siyeon chuckled as she held you. 

You felt safe, warm, and loved. So much happier than where you were before. It was something you had been desperately clawing at for the longest time, trying to get yourself there.

And you had finally found it. 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and enjoying this book! I hope you all look forward to the many other works that I will soon post! As always, follow me on Twitter and Tumblr: siyeonnugget


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